I just wanted all of you to know that I am reading and thinking of each one of you.....

Congratulations Catherine!!!

Oh, Catherine, that is fabulous news. (especially combined with B's.)

Natalie, I hope your Dr. is right and you get better news at your next U/S.

Paula, if you need to, you tell that Dr. how it's going to be. An arbitrary rule should not be a reason for increasing your stress levels to intolerable levels. They don't try to stop labour when it starts spontaneously at 37 weeks, do they?

AFM, I at at 9 DPO and just need to make it through the weekend to have a chance at an accurate test result.. (B's +ve at 9 DPO is messing with my resolve to wait).

thank you julie! the day you emailed was the day i found out, so now i do believe you're psychic! :) and that's good advice. except the sushi, i don't like the stuff :)

S: thank you for the good thoughts! I had written off this cycle when i had a dip on day 6, so there may still be hope. sending good thoughts back to you.

Melissa you sound miserable :( i'm sorry. that's so hard about your DH too. i hope he's able to work through his feelings now. and i hope you get pregnant soon.

Natalie i hope your news is good.

Sarah H, I'm glad you're getting on well with the new MW. and yeah, i'm not too bad. update below.....

hope you're doing ok too monique!

congrats catherine. i'm so, so pleased for you!

keely i'm glad you have the perseverance even if you need to work on the patience! we're all here for you and will try and help...

thank you leslie. i'm thinking of you too.

sorry cara! i hope you can hold out. this week has been the slowest week in the history of mankind. even making it to four weeks (tomorrow) seems like an amazing achievement.

and me? my temp was higher today which was a relief. the test was still positive this morning (yes, i'm testing daily. maybe i'll stop when i run out of tests. maybe i'll just buy more. i need to see the line getting darker.) and the line was darker again today. yay!

sometimes i'm getting symptoms. sometimes i'm not. i'm so scared this isn't going to come to anything. but i bought a rattle. even though i was scared and thought it wasn't going to come to anything right then. i never bought anything last time, not even after we had a good 12 week scan. we never CALLED the baby anything last time. it was just 'the baby'. this time we're calling it 'the ball of cells'. not the cutest name ever, but i said something about it being a tiny ball of cells, and it actually seems to have become a name for the poor thing.

we're not supposed to be getting excited. we told ourselves we're expecting to lose it. but i think my brain really thinks this one is going to stick.

i called the doctors yesterday; they didn't have any appointments but i spoke to the doc on call. i hadn't admitted to myself until then just how terrified i am. i ended up in tears on the phone. apparently because i'm on antidepressants they'll need to check me into the full maternity place hospital rather than the maternity led place. that's ok; we were going to book into there anyway - they do quad screening and have better early pregnancy assessment, but it's scary to think that being on ADs means i need better monitoring. but good at the same time, obviously - at least i'm getting better monitoring.

i see my doc next week. they were going to pass a message to the MW but i don't know if she got it. i might call to speak to her tomorrow. once i'm 4 weeks. jesus, i'm still only 4 weeks tomorrow. terrifying. so long to go.

sorry, i've written a screed! hope you're all ok - including any lurkers out there.

B I am hoping so hard for you,,, a darker line is a good thing. Thinking of you mamma.

Congrats, Catherine! What great news!

B, glad to hear things are still hopeful - definitely still sending a lot of sticky thoughts your way.

Natalie, thinking of you and hoping hard for good news from you soon.

Thinking of everyone here and sending good thoughts and wishes.

I am not having much to speak of in terms of side effects from the Clomid still. I feel a little dizzy, and like it's extra work to keep my eyes focused for an hour or two after taking it.

I've been feeling better about myself lately. I've lost 5 pounds since we bought a new scale last weekend; I usually shed a couple pounds with AF, but it feels so much like my body was released from that crappy cycle. I'd put on more than that 5 in the three months I was being annovulatory.

I've also been working out the last month, and I can feel progress.

Oh Melissa, I'm glad you seem to be doing a little better. Congrats on the weight loss!

Fingers crossed that the Clomid does its stuff!

and, thank you Leslie and Stacey.

Well, feeling better was short lived.

DH and I went to a pumpkin farm to get a bunch to decorate with. Of course there were kids and babies and pregnant ladies elsewhere. It started with me trying to stoically not cry while we were standing at the weighing line, it ended up with me skulking the long walk back to my car messily sobbing, and feeling incredibly insane and embarrassed and broken while DH stood in line alone.

Melissa, I'm so sorry. Such an awful feeling. I hope tonight and tomorrow are better.

I started my period unexpectedly yesterday....making that a 17 day or a 19 day cycle (depending on whether you count the two days of spotting last time). WTF! My cycles are normally short (21-22 days, with early ovulation), but that's just ridiculous. Additionally, it's the heaviest flow Ive ever had.

Now, a part of me would be happy to have this cycle "off" over so we could get started and back to ttc. However, I'm going on a business trip next week, and I'll likely be out of town when I'm ovulating. I'm trying to remain positive but it's hard. I'm trying to be patient and I feel like the world isn't even going to give me a fucking chance.

Melissa I am so sorry. It is just so unfair. I remember thinking when I left the hospital and saw the outside world- how does life go on like this? It is surreal that the earth does not stop spinning when our babies died.

M- sending you thoughts and support.

oh melissa :( i'm so sorry you're feeling like that. it's not fair. i hope you're feeling a little better by now?

M, that is an insanely short cycle! how frustrating everything sounds. i hope the world does give you a chance soon.

oh leslie, i remember being amazed and hurt that the world was still spinning. it's still hard to accept even now, that while we were so utterly broken everyone else was carrying on as normal.