Today just is. I am neither happy or sad, just here. It's just fine really.

How is everyone else?

I'm doing okay. Kind of like you Sarah, today just....is. I had a turning point this weekend, some acquantainces lost their 10-day-old baby girl last week (no cause has been discovered), and they contacted us for help. Seeing their anguish, so fresh and new, has really reminded me how far I have come and how much I know I can handle. It's really renewed my confidence in myself, that I am coping okay and doing my best.

I go back in Wednesday to see if the bean has grown. I am still spotting and cramping some, and I think that's normal for a subchorionic heme, but have no idea what is really going on down there. I haven't really had any symptoms with this pregnancy, which scares me, but I also didn't have any with my son, and he's the only one who has made it. For better or worse, life goes on, and right now I am feeling pretty lucky to have my son here with me everyday, and I'm okay with the rest working out the way that it will.

I forgot to ask how everyone else is.....how ridiculously rude of me ;)

A rough few days over here. The turning of the seasons has been hard, especially when I realized we've now lived a whole season without Hudson. The chill in the air makes me miss my sweet girl so much it hurts to even think about it. I've also had a renewed round of "Did this really happen to us? Is she really gone? Why did this happen? Why couldn't I save her?" which has had me wandering around in a bit of a daze. I feel so very sorry for the little one growing inside me-- in part, we still can't believe that's happening yet (hopefully we'll see a heartbeat on Friday and that will make it feel more real), and for the rest, all I can think is that I want Hudson. I just want my Hudson. I know that this will change, but right now, it feels really terrible.

I'm glad you guys feel like you are doing OK, Sarah and Keely. Keely, I feel so much for your friends, and for you being their friend during such a terrible time, but I'm glad they have someone like you for support. They will need it. For a very long time.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there (or better, if possible). Thinking about you all often.

I thought I was doing okay, then I went to Costco to pick up some pictures and groceries. I got stuck in line behind a family with a little boy who was less than a year old and a mom who was at least 5 months pregnant (and that guess was made allowing for her to have not lost the baby weight in between). How is it fair that someone who just had a baby, a living baby, could be that pregnant again?

Oh and I should ovulate 1 week from today, right when my MIL is coming for a visit. DH was forced to tell her she had to leave before next Monday night if she wants any more grandkids (the guest bedroom is right below our bedroom).

Keely, I hope you get good news this week.

Having a hard time here. This is our first month ttc and the odds are not in our favor. I thought I was ready, but now I'm not sure how I feel. We're being casual about it for now - no charting - but things did not go as I planned. Just started the two week wait. We'll see what happens.

I'm terrible. I just came apart at the seams a couple of weeks ago and I can't get back from it.

From having hope my cycle was sorting, this month I haven't ovulated according to tests, my temp or my CM and I'm on day 20.

Yesterday i went to a doctor at my surgery but it was a locum and he said "yes, you've had a bad time but what do you want me to do? Be glad of what you have, get some friends, go out and be busy, be less stressed and maybe stop ttc-ing for a year or so. I'll refer you to a fertility person if you really think its appropriate given how many children you have. And you can't have anti-depressants unless you promise to stop ttc-ing."

He never once said anything kind, sympathetic or helpful.

I left the room in tears, collapsed in a ball in the corridor and ended up sobbing in the receptionist office until the called in my old midwife, who happened to be doing a clinic. She was free and talked to me for an hour.

I'm just in despair. It's not fair. Why can't I just get pregnant? What would possibly be wrong with the universe allowing that? I'm so exhausted with grieving and being sad. Freddie was my rescue package. I'd already been grieving a baby for 4 years when I had him.

And I really wonder if doctors say "try to relax and not be stressed and it will happen. After all, you've had plenty" to men who go in to a surgery when they are borderline age for it with a problem getting an erection. Somehow I have a feeling they get a darn sight more sympathy than a women who would like another baby when her body is just slightly too old for it to be easy.

I managed to sail through my would-be due date from my miscarriage without any more craziness, depression or bitterness than my general average! So aside from the cooler weather having me give up entirely on my garden, and my photography, same ol same nothing 'round here.

I have the appointment with my OB tomorrow for the exam and whatnot to start on Clomid. My LMP was 7/22, and I still haven't O'd, so it's time to start taking my menstrual cycle in pill form. Will be glad to have this bullshit cycle over with.

So that I can move on to Clomid side effects and fears about if it works, or if it works too well.

I ended up getting stuck on the phone with my mother today (we do not have an amazing relationship, the less communication we have the better I am) and she started in with the whole "I've been reading your blog, so I see you're having my trouble having little people" thing. Sometimes I loathe that my mother has my blog URL, but I refuse to let it stop me from writing there.

Yes, mom. Still sucking at reproducing, no I'm not having YOUR problems, but thanks for reminding me that I have the family history of REPRODUCTIVE TERROR and that I'm also terrible at reproducing. Man, I'd almost forgotten about that, thanks for the reminder! DOING SWELL now, how's your day?

DH said I should have hung up on her for what she said. He was PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSED that my mom needed to throw her PCOS pity party around, you know, with the whole dead baby thing we have. Yes, our problems are TOTALLY the same. I think it bothered him way more than me. Not that I liked it at all.

While doing the dishes this evening, I got a good stomping rant out about my mother and all the hurtful things she's said over the years, and how she's spent my entire existence scaring the living fuck out of me and convincing me I will be completely inept at having children and will have tons of problems. DH just sort of sat there nodding letting me shout and vent while I interjected phrases like "I'm not mad at you, I'm JUST MAD!" because he looked kind of stunned and leery, but that could have been because I was wielding flatware and yelling out some of my demons.

Usually I can work out my feelings by writing about them, and don't have to resort to literally stamping around and yelling, but this is just one of those areas where I am too affected at my core to work out on a keyboard.

One of the things I regret most, and that got some good shouting out of me is how utterly terrified of miscarriage my mom's relentless reminders of her miscarriages made me. I spent the first part of my pregnancy with Caleb petrified of when it was all going to fall about, completely sure that my body was never ever going to be able to actually DO pregnancy. The one and only time I could have ever just ENJOYED being pregnant without the shadow of death over me, the last time I could have just had my naive innocence was ruined because my mother had to inflict her baggage on me. Sometimes I feel completely shell-shocked about PCOS and I don't even have it.

Sorry for the rant. It's frustrating. Somehow all the bullshit that got whispered in your ear as you were growing up is the hardest to get out of your head. It's taken such constant mind-bending work to banish as much of my mother's constant negative voice from my head, and there's still so much of it there, like some sort of permanent imprint of everything she never missed an opportunity to let me know what's wrong with me that I can never wash off.

Merry I hope you are going to complain about that locum once you're feeling a little better. He should NEVER be able to say that to a woman.

And yes, it SUCKS that we have to complain when things are so shit and when we're so upset. I still haven't written that letter to complain about the fertility specialist. I plan to do so in the next day or so.... but i've planned that for the last week or so.

Hope all is well for you when you go in for the scan Keely.

I'm sorry things are so hard Mandy. Thinking of you.

Oh that's just not fair that you should see a family like that Cara :( It would have upset me too. And the MIL visit sounds testing. I hope it goes OK.

Good luck with the 2ww Angela.

Me? Well, FF decided that I'd ovulated, then my temp dropped again, so I'm now on CD24, no sign of ovulation. I always used to ovulate on day 17. Always. Why does my body mess me around like this? Does it get some perverse kind of amusement from it? It must, else it wouldn't put me through this.

It's over ten months now and still not even a whiff of pregnancy, and noone in 'the real world' will acknowledge that maybe we will need some help.

I just want to be pregnant again and to have a real live baby. That's all I'm asking for right now. It's not too much to ask for is it???????????

that sounds horrendous melissa. i'm so sorry your mum is such a nightmare :(

i wish there were powers to complain to about your family, who had power to make them behave. wouldn't that help an awful lot of people?

lol, B... if only. I can't even write in a public forum what my parents did to me in the two weeks after Freddie died. Sometimes I REALLY wish this needed a login so I could have a full on rant about that.

I'm in crazytown. Started spotting yesterday (mostly brown but some red) and I was sure I was out. Was devastated. Last night it appeared more red and I was sure it was over. Had a good cry. But then I woke up this morning and there's practically nothing. I'm still 90% sure it's over, still some brown and some red, but this is strange. And so it's impossible for me not to hold onto some hope. I keep thinking that this is just a super-slow-starting period. Not normal for me, but then, this life is no longer normal for me. So....crazytown.

Sending love to everyone. Merry, I can't believe your doctor said that shit. How awful. And Melissa, your mother, well.....goddamn. (Aren't I eloquent this morning?)

I'm off for what's hopefully a busy day full of distractions....

He is no longer my doctor. And when I went to register at a new practise today, my lovely old GP, who helped me through some deep gynae shit, now works there and happened to come into the reception area while I was there.

He got a potted history, I get to go see him soon.

M - thinking million good thoughts.

It seems a lot of you ladies are having a hard time. I like to say that "losing a child sucks in every possible way". Missing your baby is certainly the worse, but the only one acknowledged by other people. All the million other things that we have to endure as a consequence of a babyloss are largely missed by the ones around us and, for this reason, probably the hardest to deal with. I mean things like dealing with insensitive doctors, listening to stupid comments even from family members and close friends, being constantly worried about living children, being overly anxious about getting pregnant again, suffering while others smile at the sight of a happy pregnant woman... It never ends sucking.

Sorry for the vent. I am thinking of you all and hoping for better days. Hang in there.

AFM - I think I ovulated on CD15, but my temps are weird this month. It should have gone up today, but actually lowered a little. It could be because I am having really bad allergies at night and feel a little under the weather today. Timing was perfect, but I have been spotting since CD12 (I am on CD17 today). The doctors say I can get pregnant while spotting. I hope so. The next 2 weeks will last forever.

I called an acupuncture practice today to ask about rates. I can't afford it, unless I don't buy anything or go out. I am already spending lots of money on health insurance, which I wouldn't need if I were not so anxious and scared (you see? "it sucks in every possible way"). But I know I will end up spending all my money on acupuncture even if it increases in only 10% my chances of getting pregnant.

Much love,

Merry, I can't believe your doctor said that shit either. What a jackass (see I can be eloquent too).....

M, I am not giving up hope for you this month, maybe it's just implantation bleeding???

Mandy, I know I have told you but I am so sorry you are having such a hard time this week. I wish there was something I could do, or that I at least lived closer to you.

Cara, I have a really hard time seeing stuff like that too. It always reverts me to a "why them and not me?" mentality and I hate it, because I know the world just doesn't work like that. I'm glad you guys were honest with your MIL, and that's pretty funny :)

Good luck this month Angela.

Melissa, I am so sorry about your mom. What a hoebag. You would think that she would realize that harping on supposed genetic deficiencies that you can't do jack shit about is the opposite of helpful. Spina bifida runs in my family and yes I have had one child with it but I have also had one without, so genetic stuff doesn't always rule the day. Hang in there.

It's not too much to ask for B. At all. I so wish there was something I could do to help give it to you. And all of us.

And Francisca, you are so right. It never stops sucking, and it never will. Your whole first paragraph is my life right now, and I can't say it any better than you did. I hope your temps figure themselves out. And I hope you figure out a way to do the acupuncture if you think it will help.

Thinking of you guys always. I go in tomorrow morning, not feeling too hopeful but I guess you never know. xoxoxo

So. Got my provera and clomid prescriptions. All went as expected at the OB's office. The nurse was very understanding and sympathetic.

I am going to start the Provera tomorrow. Today was a long day and I got my flu shot too, and didn't feel like following it up with a provera chaser after I finally got the pills at 7pm.

OB says most people who conceive on Clomid do so within 3-4 cycles, and that I have things going in my favor since I've conceived on my own before, but apparently just need help ovulating.

I'm having a hard time convincing myself to believe that this could actually happen.

FF gave me dotted cross hairs today for a day I got a negative OPK for. So. Blah. I doubt it somehow. If I did get a CD18 ovulation our timing was not terrible (dh, bless him, is being very conscientious) but I don't think I really have ovulated.

I'm noticing I seem to get one month of lots of obvious CM signs and the next month I get more right hand side pain and less signs. I guess at least one of my ovaries is in trouble, even if not both.

Well, I'm out. Thanks for the good thoughts here. I held out hope through two days of strange spotting, and this morning it's changed to an actual flow. I took another pregnancy test just to be sure, and it was negative as expected.

Yesterday was the date my pregnancy with Pearl began last year (LMP), so I'm going to sit the next month out to avoid a matching due date. It's sucks to sit out when I want another baby but I know that would be too fucking weird.

I'll be thinking of everyone and sending good thoughts, though I'm also going to try to keep myself busy with other things (instead of obsessing and checking in here all the time). Hopefully I'll get a lot done and before I know it it'll be time to start trying again. xoxo

p.s. Keely, good luck today! I'll be thinking extra good thoughts for your appointment today.

I'm sorry you are out, M. I hope your break is peaceful and I hope the next cycle is the one for you.

Thinking of you today, Keely. I hope the appointment brings good news.

Thinking of everyone here. I wish this could be easy for all of us.

Hey guys, thanks for all the good thoughts but it was bad news for us today. No heartbeat and baby was the same size it was last week, so that's a bummer. Honestly though, and if you guys knew me IRL this would be even more shocking to you, but I am really okay. I haven't even cried. I think....I've just been expecting it. In fact, in some ways I am almost relieved because all the wierd hormone levels and bleeding and everything DID mean that soemthing was wrong with the baby, versus things just being jacked up with me.

Since this is our third loss (although does the second one really count? We terminated him, obviously he was not going to live past birth but I was carrying him fine, that wasn't the problem....????), they are going to send us to Maternal-Fetal Medicine and have us evaluated for chromosomal issues, and have me evaluated for lots of stuff related to recurrent miscarriage. So that's good, I finally feel like someone is doing something to try to help us have another healthy child, versus just sitting back and watching the shitstorm.

Honestly, my gut tells me that we just have really bad luck. Obviously neural tube defects, and spina bifida specifically, are in my chromosomal make-up (my grandma and my aunt both had stillbirths with spina bifida) but we had a healthy son three years ago so apparently our chromosomes CAN combine in the right way. I doubt it, but maybe there's something they can do to help it happen right next time.

Even though this was not the desired outcome, I am so happy to be off the crazy train, and so glad that I have all of you here. xoxoxo

M....I don't blame you for sitting out, that would be really wierd. I'm thinking of you. You too, Melissa and Merry. I hope everything sorts itself out for both of you. xoxo

Aah, Keely. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have some resolution though - and I do think that when it feels bad, it is bad. I just KNEW there was something not right with Freddie. And i was right.

We have folic acid potentially related issues; F's cleft lip and palate, A's nipped dimples and the base of her spine and then Freddie's undiagnosed brain damage. It is scary but good to know that someone is going to take care of you.

Wishing you strength for the coming days.

Oh Keely. I'm so sorry. I was really hoping for different news for you.
But riding that crazy train of not knowing what is going on is so awful too. I can understand why you are happy to be off that particular ride. I hope that the tests confirm your suspicions that it is just 'really bad luck.' I'm just so, so sorry for your own loss and for your friends and their sweet daughter. My heart breaks for them and for you.

Merry, I'm sorry that GP was so awful and unhelpful. I've had similar responses, along the lines of 'you have one, that should be enough' and, sadly, I'm sure you are right about men of a certain age getting more sympathy. Glad you changed practices and it's even better that your old GP is working at the new one!

Mandy, I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time. Your last post over at your blog had me in floods of tears. Of course you will want your sweet Hudson, she was a very special child. I really hope that you see a beautiful little heartbeat on Friday and that her little brother or sister will open up a brand new space all of their own in your heart.

Melissa, I'm so sorry that your mom felt the need to put all her own issues on you. That really isn't fair. I'm afraid I would probably have reacted the same way as your DH. Just remember it's HER baggage, not yours. Sadly, you've now got your very own set of luggage. You don't need to carry her's too. Good luck with the clomid and the provera. I'll believe for you if you like.

Francisca, thinking of you. I'm sorry that the acupuncture is so expensive, I really hope it helps if you do decide to go for it. I hope the two weeks pass quickly for you but I know how long they can seem to grind on.

Cara, hope your MIL gets the message! Good luck and I'm sorry you had to see that lady in the supermarket. I just don't know why all of this seems to come so easily for some women and not for others.

Fingers crossed for you Angela.

Sorry you're out M and I can understand why you don't want to try next month and run the risk of echoing Pearl's pregnancy and due date. I hope that the waiting isn't too hard and that you get lots done during this time.

B, it isn't too much to ask. I wish it was simple and easy for all of us here. I truly do.

Oh, Keely, I am so sorry.

Aw, fuck, Keely. I'm very sorry.

Keely - I'm so sorry. I'm glad you seem peaceful with it all though (as peaceful as one can be at least).

Keely, I'm so so sorry to read your news. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you do find some small comfort in getting off the crazy train. I hope you get some helpful answers soon.

M, I'm sorry for the out and totally understand why you are sitting the next cycle. I hope it flies by quickly.

Sending good thoughts and wishes to all those having a tough time. I wish this wasn't so hard and completely sympathize with the fears and frustrations.

I'm CD21 (I think - I keep losing count) with no ovulation yet. In the few cycles I tracked before I conceived and lost my son, I usually ovulate around CD23, so still holding out hope that it'll happen this week even though my CM isn't looking all that promising. Honestly, I don't even care whether I get a + this cycle. I just want to ovulate and know that everything is still working, and I long for the little bit of hope that the 2ww can bring (even if it is ultimately dashed).

Keely -- I am sorry. I am so proud of you for being okay, and for being positive about the future still.

Keely, I'm sorry for your bad news. I'm glad you are doing ok, and I hope that continues. But I also wanted to say that if it doesn't, that's all right too.

Thinking of you.

I am so sorry Keely. I want to echo what eliza says. if you stay ok, then great. but if you need us, we're here.

i'm so sorry M, too. it's not fair :( again, if you need us, we're here.

As for me? Currently on CD26 and no sign of ovulation. I've never ovulated this late.

I DID spend three hours at the Dental Hospital on Tuesday afternoon having a root canal redone with a rubber mask, so it's entirely possible that my body just threw in the towel at that point.

I think I'm about ready to throw in the towel myself at this point.

My friend had a baby in July. I was pregnant two months before she was. Now, if I don't get pregnant this month, my baby (if i ever have it) will be over a full year younger than hers. That just feels impossible, and wrong.

Rubber mask?? FFS. Rubber dam. I knew what I meant. :s

A root canal with a rubber mask does sound preferable though ;)

I know what you mean though B. I was devastated when I knew I could no longer hve a baby before Freddie would have been 1. Why it made a difference, I don't really know now. Perhaps because it would have made that date more bearable.

My temps are still going up. So maybe I did ovulate - fuck knows.

Oh, Keely, I am so sorry. I also understand you being glad that you can stop worrying. Anxiety is a killer. Good luck with the geneticist appointment. I also tend to believe it is just bad luck.

I am super busy this week and don't have much time to write to each one of you, but I am always checking on you and wishing you all the best.

Last night I dreamed I was miscarrying. I was actually just bleeding, but I woke up before knowing for sure if was miscarrying or not. Of course I couldn't go back to sleep. : (

So sorry, Keely. I was hoping things would come through for you. Just be kind and gentle with yourself. Sigh.

Growl.

Went to pick up my folic acid prescription today. Said I didn't pay as I had a maternity exemption but I didn't have the card as swapping care providers during my pregnancy had fouled up the paper pushing system.

Left and arrived back later to pick it up and they hadn't done it.

"So... have you HAD the baby?"

"Yes. I had a baby in April."

"This is a very high dose, too high for a normal pregnancy, especially if you've just started trying."

"No it's not."

"I'm sorry, can you just explain why you need this prescription when you aren't pregnant and have just had a baby?"

So in front of the queue and my 4 girls who didn't actually know we were ttc-ing I had to explain that my baby had died and I was trying to conceive again and the baby had died of unexplained brain damage, hence the high dose folic acid.

And she said "Oh, that's a bit bad isn't it."

When we got home my eldest came up and hugged me and said "I hope you do have another baby, it would be nice for us all."

Added to my youngest girl saying two nights ago, "You have to give me two kisses every night so that one is for Freddie because you can't kiss him" I could just weep.

Oh Merry, I want to bawl just reading it, I can't imagine having my daughter say that to me.

Keely, I 'm sorry things turned out badly but glad that you are feeling able to deal with it.

B -- The rubber damn drove me up a wall when I had my root canal. I kept trying to drown in my own spit behind it from the seal it was making on my face. That was the worst part of the whole stupid thing.

Francisca -- I have had miscarriage dreams, and they are awful. I am sorry.

Merry -- Holy shit! How are they even allowed to argue with you and make you defend it.

melissa i am SO GLAD it wasn't just me! at one point the student doing it had to go off and get the clinician to get her to check her work. she put the chair upright and all the saliva flowed out of my mouth. i had to get out of the chair to get my tissues out of my bag to clean myself up because for some reason i was too embarrassed to let on to her what was going on.

merry, there are so many shades of wrong in that i don't even know where to begin.

'oh that's a bit bad isn't it'

srsly. 'a bit bad'. because the words 'devastating' and 'i'm so sorry to hear that' haven't been invented yet. FFS.

Um, YEAH, I think that is a bit bad. Fucking really????? Why are they even arguing with you about folic acid? Do they think you're gonna go make methamphetamines with it? It's a damn vitamin. Just hand it over and shut up.

I had a root canal a few years ago and I don't even remember the dental dam....I must have been really out of it.

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. They gave me some medicine to make it happen quickly and so it's all over, thank God. Had to pack everything up and take it to the hospital for testing, so that was lovely, but otherwise not too bad, all things considered. But then, I've done this before so I knew what to expect. It's crazy, when I walk into the hospital everyone on the floor knows my name, I've been there so often this past summer. I can't stand the pity in their eyes, I'm so fucking tired of being the person people feel sorry for.

Thinking of you all, especially you Mandy. I hope you see that sweet little heart beating away tomorrow. xoxoxo

Keely,
Just wanted to offer some words of support.
Sorry it has been so hard.

Merry and B. There's this girl returning to work in 12 days from a mat leave. (In Canada we get a year off) We were pregnant at the same time. I have set this ridiculous goal of being pregnant before she comes back or I will feel even more robbed. My next IUI is around the 5th of October. I can't stop thinking about that. You know that just one thing has to go right for me for once.

Er. . . she said WHAT Merry?! WHAT?! As B says, have you never heard of the phrase 'I'm sorry' or 'devastating', 'a bit bad' doesn't cut it really. Growl indeed. Just when I think I've heard the most excruciating encounter between a BLM and a health professional, another one comes along to top it.

Keely, I'm just so sorry. Your description of walking into the hospital has me in tears. It's very unfair.

Finger crossed for tomorrow Mandy and good luck with next week's IUI Diana. I really hope it works out for you. xo

What a difference a day makes. Went to see my new (but actually my old one from some time back) GP at my new surgery today. He was lovely. Listened to me, sympathised, said he wasn't surprised I was distressed as clearly no one was really helping me at all in a time frame that left me able to cope with anything and said I was to call him on the first day of my next period and he'd we'd make a plan of care. Told him my last progesterone result and he said he'd be happier if it was about double and we discussed progesterone support. He said he just didn't believe I had a fundamental problem with getting pregnant and that a few tweaks ought to be enough to make it happen (he used to be a gynae and has been my GP through a lot of gynae stuff).

I know that really nothing has changed but I feel like a weight has been taken off me.

Merry - I can't believe what you heard. Stupid ass. I understand that most people have know idea what it feels like to lose a baby, but to think it is "a bit bad" is a little too much. I am glad you found someone more sympathizing

Diana - Good luck next week. My fingers are also crossed.

Merry - I was so glad to read your update. I'm glad you switched.

Diana - I'm hopeful for you too. Sending you good vibes.

Hey, everyone-- Just wanted to drop in quickly and let you know that we did see a heartbeat yesterday and the baby appears to be measuring just right, so we're hopeful that we're on the side of good odds from here on. I've got a house full of people this weekend and don't have time to respond to everyone individually, but I'm so sorry that it sounds like we've all had a pretty rough week. I'm always reading and always thinking of you and always hoping for everyone. Thanks so much for the support and encouragement before this week's appointment-- I appreciate it so much. Love to everyone.

I am so happy for you, Mandy!!

And Merry, I am relieved to see that you have a new doctor on board. You deserve compassionate care.

So I spent the day in the emerg department after having some bleeding the night befor. I thought we were about 7wks along, but who knows.
They were not able to tell us anything except it could be A) totally fine, B) miscarriage or C) a tubal pregnancy.
I have to go back tomorrow for more blood work and an ultrasound. They did a bedside ultrasound and the Dr said he saw nothing. However I am not sure I trust his skills he could only point out the bladder and nothing else. SO he said it really doesn't mean anything maybe I am not as far along as I though. My hcg level was 14000 so it was also inconclusive.
I will just have to wait until tomorrow to find out what is going on.

Seems like it has been a hard week for a lot of us. Hope that next weeks brings better things for everyone.

So sorry you're having to endure that stress, Natalie. Hoping, hoping, hoping that it's option A.