Today I shared my pregnancy news with my co-workers and I got the question I was dreading, “is this your first?” I didn’t know how to answer. No, it’s not my first pregnancy. No, it’s not my first child. Do I have children at home? No, but this is not my first.

In my first trimester I told a close friend that I was anxious about being asked that question and her advice was to just say yes. That breaks my heart to even think about denying the existence of my first born just for the comfort of others. Today, I had to decide how to answer in the moment and I had to be true to myself and be honest about my story. Why are we made to feel like our experience and our grief is an inconvenience? How do you answer this question?

Hi A, I haven't been here in a while...and initially answering yes gutted me. Now, nearly 11 years from my daughter's stillbirth, and 9.5 years after my son's healthy living both, my answer depends on who I'm talking to. The clerk at the grocery store asking if my kid is an only, yes. Same with a casual acquaintance. But, I was having a nice conversation with one of my son's classmate's parents and I shared that he wasn't my first. So it depends. Sending peace. It's okay to share or not.