ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Others reaction to pregnancy soon after loss
Hi Hazel, my situation was different (stillbirth at 28 weeks) but it took about 9 months before I was ready to try again. Everyone is so different but it’s really no one’s business but yours what you decide. Sending you peace and patience. I’m sorry your baby is not here with you.
May 3, 2020 |
AB
AB
Hi Hazel,
First, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Second, my situation is also different than yours - our son was stillborn at 40+5w. I had a different reaction than you - I wasn't sure I'd ever want to be pregnant again (it took me about 9 months to be ready). FWIW, most people seemed to expect that I would want to be pregnant immediately and I don't think anyone would have been surprised if I had. I also echo what AB said - everyone is different, and each person can only decide what's right for themselves. Anyone who would judge you has no idea what's right for you - they only think they know what might be right for them in that situation - but they likely really don't even know that.
I would, however, talk to your OB. Most of the time they recommend waiting at least a few months from delivery before trying again - I think I was told at least six months was optimal, though certainly others get pregnant sooner.
First, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Second, my situation is also different than yours - our son was stillborn at 40+5w. I had a different reaction than you - I wasn't sure I'd ever want to be pregnant again (it took me about 9 months to be ready). FWIW, most people seemed to expect that I would want to be pregnant immediately and I don't think anyone would have been surprised if I had. I also echo what AB said - everyone is different, and each person can only decide what's right for themselves. Anyone who would judge you has no idea what's right for you - they only think they know what might be right for them in that situation - but they likely really don't even know that.
I would, however, talk to your OB. Most of the time they recommend waiting at least a few months from delivery before trying again - I think I was told at least six months was optimal, though certainly others get pregnant sooner.
May 12, 2020 |
SR
SR
Hi Hazel,
My first daughter was stillborn in early april and we are already trying again, just not telling anyone!
My first daughter was stillborn in early april and we are already trying again, just not telling anyone!
May 27, 2020 |
M
M
Hi Hazel,
We're in that situation now as we begin trying again. We lost our daughter the end of February, she was our first child and we were so excited to be parents for the first time. Because of the great amount of joy we felt during the few days she was with us, we knew we would want to try again as soon as we could. I've had a lot of support from the friends and family that I've told, they all knew how excited we were to be parents so there was not doubt we wanted to continue on that path. Each person is different, some families need more time while others want to start right away. It's a personal decision that only you can make and the only opinion that should matter is yours and your partners. Best of luck to you as you start again!
We're in that situation now as we begin trying again. We lost our daughter the end of February, she was our first child and we were so excited to be parents for the first time. Because of the great amount of joy we felt during the few days she was with us, we knew we would want to try again as soon as we could. I've had a lot of support from the friends and family that I've told, they all knew how excited we were to be parents so there was not doubt we wanted to continue on that path. Each person is different, some families need more time while others want to start right away. It's a personal decision that only you can make and the only opinion that should matter is yours and your partners. Best of luck to you as you start again!
June 9, 2020 |
Marie
Marie
Hi Hazel,
I, too, just lost my son due to a heart condition. He was 30 days old as well. We are only a couple weeks out from his death, but we’ve already begun the conversation of trying again. I can’t offer advice or experience, but I can offer support and empathy because I’m in the same place. Here for you!
I, too, just lost my son due to a heart condition. He was 30 days old as well. We are only a couple weeks out from his death, but we’ve already begun the conversation of trying again. I can’t offer advice or experience, but I can offer support and empathy because I’m in the same place. Here for you!
November 8, 2020 |
Nicole Haglund
Nicole Haglund
My baby passed away last month. She was 50 days old and she was perfectly healthy and we have no idea why she died. We were in the ICU for a week and they couldn’t figure out what was the cause of her sudden illness.
We have already begun trying again for another baby. We waited until we were ready to be parents to have her and now we feel so empty not having someone to care for. It won’t fill the hole that she left and we know that. I don’t know that I’m 100% ready for a new baby but I’m hoping that by the time that they arrive I will be and don’t want to wait.
As for other people. I don’t plan on telling anyone for quite some time if we get pregnant right away. Not even close family. I am worried that they won’t be ready to hear this yet and I want to give them more time. The loss of our baby girl was a shock to everyone because it was so unexpected. I’m not worried about what they will think in regards to us trying so soon. I just don’t want to tell them before they are ready.
We have already begun trying again for another baby. We waited until we were ready to be parents to have her and now we feel so empty not having someone to care for. It won’t fill the hole that she left and we know that. I don’t know that I’m 100% ready for a new baby but I’m hoping that by the time that they arrive I will be and don’t want to wait.
As for other people. I don’t plan on telling anyone for quite some time if we get pregnant right away. Not even close family. I am worried that they won’t be ready to hear this yet and I want to give them more time. The loss of our baby girl was a shock to everyone because it was so unexpected. I’m not worried about what they will think in regards to us trying so soon. I just don’t want to tell them before they are ready.
December 5, 2020 |
Christine
Christine
I don't know how I stumbled on this website but I am so grateful. I have been looking for people in my same position and wondering how they are handling this and if they share the same thoughts and struggles.
I lost my sweet boy 30 days ago today. He was 3 months old and died from rebreath. I feel my story differs from you all because I could have done a million things different and he might still be here today. My guilt plays a big part in my struggles with wanting to get pregnant again. I know there is no life for me if I can't be a mommy, he gave me the best 2 years of my life and changed all the relationships around me for the better, but now in my shame I don't want to be around people. All I can talk about is him I can't even pretend to care and reciprocate if someone tries to small talk with me and make conversation.
I feel like people are empathetic and would be happy for me but at the same time do they judge me? Like oh I would never have let that happen to my baby she's probably an unfit mother. People put on a sorry for you front but I feel it's human nature to judge.
Some days I feel like I need to be pregnant right this second. I am dying without a baby in my arms. Then other times I feel like that joy I am seeking will always be a little saltier, why even bother. I will always be searching for Macklin.
I also did quite a bit of reading on how soon you can conceive after birth and found info that worries me. It is recommended to wait at least a year or no less that 6 months or you risk low birth weight and premature births. It also alleges there is a higher risk of autism but I really believe most autism is caused by vaccines. It even said there was a risk of schizophrenia
I also read a long study about the impacts of depression on an unborn child and it can cause cognitive and behavioral problems down the line as well as low birth weight and premature births.
You hear about "Irish twins" all the time and nothing about these complications so I really hope that will not be my story should I be able to conceive again. I am so worried about how my mental state and only possibly waiting 6 months to get pregnant will impact my pregnancy. How I will feel if I get pregnant. How others will look at me. And I will never stop asking the question, why did this have to happen to me and my innocent child?
I lost my sweet boy 30 days ago today. He was 3 months old and died from rebreath. I feel my story differs from you all because I could have done a million things different and he might still be here today. My guilt plays a big part in my struggles with wanting to get pregnant again. I know there is no life for me if I can't be a mommy, he gave me the best 2 years of my life and changed all the relationships around me for the better, but now in my shame I don't want to be around people. All I can talk about is him I can't even pretend to care and reciprocate if someone tries to small talk with me and make conversation.
I feel like people are empathetic and would be happy for me but at the same time do they judge me? Like oh I would never have let that happen to my baby she's probably an unfit mother. People put on a sorry for you front but I feel it's human nature to judge.
Some days I feel like I need to be pregnant right this second. I am dying without a baby in my arms. Then other times I feel like that joy I am seeking will always be a little saltier, why even bother. I will always be searching for Macklin.
I also did quite a bit of reading on how soon you can conceive after birth and found info that worries me. It is recommended to wait at least a year or no less that 6 months or you risk low birth weight and premature births. It also alleges there is a higher risk of autism but I really believe most autism is caused by vaccines. It even said there was a risk of schizophrenia
I also read a long study about the impacts of depression on an unborn child and it can cause cognitive and behavioral problems down the line as well as low birth weight and premature births.
You hear about "Irish twins" all the time and nothing about these complications so I really hope that will not be my story should I be able to conceive again. I am so worried about how my mental state and only possibly waiting 6 months to get pregnant will impact my pregnancy. How I will feel if I get pregnant. How others will look at me. And I will never stop asking the question, why did this have to happen to me and my innocent child?
December 11, 2020 |
Dina
Dina
my son passed away a month ago at just 30days old, he was born with a heart condition we weren't aware off and he couldnt recover from his surgery. it was the most stressful devastating month of my life but i cant help but feel empty since he passed away. my husband and i have talked about trying again for another baby, i feel ready and it would be nice to feel happiness and have another baby to welcome to the world. im scared for others reactions if we got pregnant quickly and it only be a couple months since he passed away.. has anyone been in a similar situation?