Just wanted to check in on everyone. The thread has been quiet over the past few months. I'm going to be 28 weeks on Sunday, and it's hard to believe how quick everything is going. I'm starting to sense my little guys pattern...up all day, sleeping at night, just like his sister. It definitely threw me for a loop this morning, when he was still sleeping when I woke up. It took a little, but now he hasn't stopped moving at all the rest of the day. Thanks buddy. I'm hoping that this finds everyone healthy and well. My husband and I are teachers, so our new normal has been pretty nice over the past month. Spring is such a busy time for us, but due to the quarantine, we've been able to spend so much time together.

It's also been nice because all the year dates are coming up on the calendar. My bestie's baby turns 1 next week, and then 2 weeks later is my daughter, Cadence's birthday and the next day is the day she passed away. I am able to spend all these milestones in the confines of my home, and that brings me so much peace. I don't have to put on a front for anyone else. I have always thought of myself as a bit of an introvert, and these unprecedented times definitely confirm that.

I'm so looking forward to July, like I can't even put into words how much I want to meet this little boy. Hoping everyone is healthy and well.

April

Hi April, congratulations on 28 weeks, I'm happy to hear you're able to enjoy the quarantine and your little guy is getting on a predictable schedule, that's reassuring. I'm doing okay during the quarantine- I'm an essential worker but can work from home in my office and my husband is also essential and works out of the house but we are definitely enjoying the extra time together and an excuse to relax a little more and move a little slower through the days.

I'm 25 weeks tomorrow, it seems unreal. My baby is super active from about 3am to 3pm. I scheduled my c section for mid July at 37 weeks ( not allowed to go past that for medical reasons) so it's really feeling like I may have a baby to bring home soon. I'm keeping my figures crossed and just appreciating every day that I get with this bub.

<3

Hi April and Allison

I'm glad to hear things are still going well for you both! I'm also glad you are both picking up on patterns of movement, that can be so reassuring. I never am good about that - I never remember to take note when I do notice it and then question myself like crazy.

Things are going well over here too. I'm now 26 weeks - I finally got an MFM to take a hard look at my due date last week at my appointment, because they were variously using 3 different dates, spread over 10 days. The good news is that now someone has looked at and reconciled all the information. The bad(ish) news was that when they used that date on my growth scans, the baby dropped from measuring on the 50th percentile (which my last two have done at this stage) to the 22nd. The MFM said he wasn't worried about it, because the baby has grown appropriately at the various intervals since their technician has been doing the scans and there is still some dating uncertainty, but he also said we'd have to look really carefully at the next scan and his demeanor changed markedly when he saw the change in percentile. I'm trying to put that to the side and just wait to see what happens at the next scan in three weeks and take it one step at a time.

My partner managed to join my daughter and me at the start of April - we got very very lucky with flights, visas, and timing, because there were a few weeks there where we looked like we might be looking at months-long separation, possibly past the arrival of baby, and my stress was through the roof. So for now, we are just happy to be in one place (and only that one place). I am working from home while my partner cares for my daughter, and its nice not to have to worry about commute or be publicly pregnant (I find pregnancy small talk difficult). On the other hand, I miss having walking and moving around more automatically being part of my day and I just feel very sad for all the suffering out there right now, though I am lucky to be in a privileged position and that my family and loved ones are healthy so far. A global pandemic definitely does not help much with the stress of pregnancy after loss, so I'm trying to just make sure we are focusing on taking things as they come and am tuning out things like hospital delivery policies etc for now and will tune back in when it gets closer.

Allison - I'm also looking at induction date of mid-July. I think my latest possible date is the 19th, but based on what happened with my daughter, it's very likely to be at least a week before that if not more.

SR, I have been thinking about you and your international move away from your partner and am so happy you were able to reunite. What a relief! I'm sorry to hear there is some uncertainty with growth, and I'm happy you have an MFM on board to keep track. I've also adopted the mindset, for the most part, to go by the level of concern of my MFM- if things look OK and we are just watching something, I'm going to just do my best to continue moving forward and not Google things, let myself spiral, etc. I hope your next scan continues to show the consistent growth of your babe.

This week was tough for me- I ended up at the maternity ER after having a day of what I felt was reduced fetal movement. I wasn't overly concerned, but I called the MFM just in case and they wanted me to get checked out, I spent most of the night on a monitor. The baby looked great, but they thought I may be having light contractions, and I had a nurse and a midwife attending to me who didn't have great bedside manner. Long story short, everything was fine and I was not in labor but I was happy I went in, for the reassurance and also an adorable picture of the baby's face.

July is getting closer and closer and I just cannot wait. I even started a little countdown to my start of maternity leave and the baby's birthday. Yay!

Allison

Hello Ladies!

SR- I'm sorry you're feeling concerned over growth of the baby. I agree, it's really hard not to google things that they mention in passing, that could be serious. One day at a time. It's also great that you're able to work from home right now, and your partner can watch your daughter. I am a teacher, and so is my husband, so we are in the fortunate position of also being able to "teach remotely" even though it is so much different than teaching in a classroom. We are both still getting paid as well, which is a huge blessing with this little guy on the way.

Allison- How scary to end up in the maternity ER! There are times when I question movement, but know that I've felt more than 10 moves in an hour, but it still feels like such a fine line! I'm glad that you went in, and everything ended up being ok though. It's much better to be safe than wish you had gone in sooner. My husband and I also had a little countdown...I think we are down to about ~67 days or so. Seems so close when you put it that way!

I had an appointment last week, and my doctor and I talked about scheduling the repeat c-section for this baby. She said that my next appointment would be with the doctor that I want to perform the c-section, which I had decided a while ago that I wanted the same Doctor that delivered my daughter, to deliver my son. She did a hella good job on an emergency surgery, and I healed very quickly. So, I go out to schedule my appointment and the receptionist is asking me what days work for me, but since I'm not tied down by a schedule I let her pick the date and time of my next appointment. So, the appointment where I choose my son's birthday, I will be with the doctor that delivered my daughter, and the appointment happens to be on my daughter's birthday. <3 It was kind of funny how that worked out, really makes me feel like Cadence is our son's guardian angel.

April

April, I love that those days lined up for you in that way, I've had some important days and milestones line up between this pregnancy and with my son's birth/due dates, milestones, etc. and they bring me some peace.

I had a check up with my specialist late last week and everything still looks great. Every time I walk by a mirror and catch a glimpse of myself looking very pregnant, I'm a little surprised. It's hard to describe why. In the last few days my mom, my husband, and myself have all has dreams that this baby is a girl. I don't have a strong feeling outside of my dreams if the baby is a boy or a girl, and I truly don't have a preference, but I am starting to get excited for the simpler parts of pregnancy - getting bigger, kicks regularly, birth planning (to the extend that is possible), hospital bag, ordering baby supplies and things for the nursery, picking a pediatrician. All of the things that got cut off abruptly when my son was born last year at 24 weeks.

My doctor basically said I'm out of the weeds for the "incompetent cervix" risk because at this point the cervix does just start to soften and shorten anyways, and I remain in the preterm labor risk phase for this pregnancy. He's given me a very low threshold for calling and getting checked out for anything mildly unusual, and I'll also be starting kick counts in a few days which also have a very low threshold for getting checked out. It gives me a little anxiety, but with every passing day I am more convinced that this baby is coming home.

Thanks April and Alison. Glad to hear you both are doing well and getting mentally prepared. And Alison, that must be such a relief to be past that point with the cervix.

I had another appointment today and baby is measuring at around the 33rd percentile so they have no concerns. I'll have another growth scan in 4 weeks (at around 33 weeks) and then start weekly biophysical profile appointments until delivery. So I'm feeling pretty optimistic today.

I'm considering taking a hypnobirthing class to give myself some more tools to go epidural-free if I want. I ended up not having one with my second, because my labor progressed really rapidly after hours of being stalled after induction and they didn't have time to get the epidural in, but I did not feel like I had good tools or tricks to handle it and it all felt really panicked. On the other hand, I physically recovered so much faster than after my son's birth (which could be for a lot of reasons) and it would be nice if they are going to rush us out of the hospital to have a bit more mobility earlier. I'm not sure if I can handle/stomach the inevitable talk about childbirth being "natural" or our bodies knowing what to do, etc, since that's just not really my experience of birth really. Depending on what I find, I may sign up and then I can just stop going if I find it too annoying.

Hope you both continue to do well.

SR, I'm so happy baby is measuring in the 33rd percentile! That is good news and I hope the babe continues to grow big and strong. I've heard that hypno-birthing works really well for people, although I cannot lend any personal experience with birthing classes or epidurals/etc.

I've also been hesitant to join any pregnancy/mom/birthing groups as I just know I can't handle the inevitable conversations about birth, questions, etc. Even in a hospital setting, I have nurses and other pregnant people all of the time ask me if this is my first, ask why I'm going for another planned csection (no choice), ask why I'm delivering at 37 weeks and not 39, there's always a weird cast of judgement that I just don't feel like explaining away.

I had another scare yesterday morning with the baby's movement. I had a NST, and everything was perfect, but I couldn't not shake the feeling in my bones that something was wrong, so they had me come in for more of a reassurance visit. I'm again feeling okay though, and the baby is moving just fine. I think it's hard sometimes for me to separate the sensation of trauma deep in my body with baby loss from this baby being okay or not okay.

As of today, I've got less than 60 days left until delivery, and I am just so excited.

Today I had a 32 week ultrasound. Everything looks great, his movement is non-stop, fluid levels are good, and my placenta has moved up from being low-lying. The maternal fetal doctor has also "discharged" me from their care, so since I am low risk, I will just be going to my OB from now on.
I know I should be relieved about this, but in the back of my mind, I think about how I was low risk last time, and my daughter died in labor. I guess I just have to trust that it's a different pregnancy with a different outcome.

He is measuring at almost 5 pounds, which seems huge, but the doctor said he will probably be about 7.5 pounds at birth, which is what my daughter was, and she wasn't overly big. I guess we will see though. My c-section is scheduled for July 7! My husband has a countdown (he's a lot better with numbers than I am) and I think we have 47 days to go. I truly hope that it is here quickly, because I honestly feel like I've been pregnant for the past year and a half. I'm absolutely grateful to be pregnant, and carrying a healthy baby, but I'm looking forward to not being pregnant for a while.

Allison- I totally see where you are coming from. Fortunately, I haven't had any movement scares, but I know I wouldn't hesitate to go to L&D if I felt like there was a difference in movement. I also have been hesitant to be apart of a lot of typical pregnancy groups, I guess you can say that I'm jaded, in that I know that things go wrong, and it's difficult to not bring up what could go wrong. I hope I feel differently when my baby is here, and can share that experience with other new moms.

SR- I haven't taken any hypnobirthing classes. I also tried to go natural with my last birth, and things didn't go well, so I really feel where you are coming from. We've planned a c-section this time, so hopefully that will make us feel like we have a little bit more control of the outcome of the birth.

Hoping you ladies are happy and healthy. :)

Hey folx,

I'm new to this site, but am finding peace in reading about your experiences. I understand the reluctance to hang out with other moms-to-be, always assuming that if I share in my experience I will be traumatizing them. I do wholeheartedly believe giving birth is a natural process, and there just happens to be a really sad fact that some babies die (and it's not THAT rare) and I don't believe obsessively trying to control the outcome will change that.

When I was struggling to get pregnant (couldn't ovulate, I have PCOS), I went to a TCM practitioner who gave me teas and intense diet modification. For years I tried this, which helped but me feel healthier, but stressing out about it wasn't helping me ovulate. When I finally surrendered to life and stopped the restrictions and obsessing about it, I almost immediately became pregnant!

I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in early april who had died in utero at 41 weeks. My entire pregnancy was completely healthy and normal. I did everything perfect! I was being followed by midwifes at a birthing centre who were so available and kind and kept insisting that I could trust my body to do what it needed to when it was time. At 40 weeks when I hadn't given birth, I was anxiously trying to control the situation, doing yoga, getting membrane sweeps and everything they say provokes labour. By the end of the week, I felt the baby shift positions in my womb and was getting reduced movements. I immediately called my midwife who met me at the birthing centre for monitoring. The results couldn't have been more perfect! 13 movements in 20 minutes with heartrate to match and big strong contractions at 10 minute intervals. She said the kicking was less evident because the baby was facing a different direction and I couldn't feel it as much as before, but that any day now, I would be giving birth. She did another membrane sweep and I was dilated to 1cm. I had another appointment scheduled for 3 days later if I hadn't given birth. So I went home, assuming I was tripping out for no reason, and again gave in to life trusting that everything would be alright. I had regular contractions and felt fine but not counting kicks, just waiting. Well, when I went back for my next appointment her heart wasn't beating anymore. There was nothing to do, it was too late. We are still waiting for the official autopsy report, but it seems she choked on her umbilical cord. Stupid cord.

Now it hasn't been very long since our loss, but I've had a period and my partner and I have been ttc again. It's so hard not to obsess about it, I haven't even taken a pregnancy test yet but I am filled with a sense of powerlessness over my future as a mother. I don't want to be panicking for 9 months, that's no way to live. I don't think I would have gotten a better followup if I had gone to the hospital instead of the birthing centre and it pisses me off when people suggest that. I'm trying not to go down the ''what if'' rabbit hole, because those few days I spent relieved, glowing, and waiting for her to arrive were some of the happiest and most fulfilling days of my life as a woman. I'm trying to trust that if I can make a baby as perfect as her, I can do it again... right?

April, yes - different pregnancy, different outcome. I tell myself that too and it does help. I completely get feeling like you've been pregnant for the last year and a half - I do too! I've spent the last two fall and winter seasons pregnant, and one summer and one spring, 2 Thanksgivings, Christmases, new years, Halloweens - it's a LOT. It's so exciting that we're delivering right around the same time.

M, oh, I am so so sorry for your loss of your sweet baby girl. The "what if" rabbit hole is a dark place, you absolutely did everything right for your daughter. When my son died, I remember one of the first questions I asked a doctor was about how soon I could try again. I had a classical csection, so for me there was ultimately a 9 month waiting period to TTC according to the MFM I trusted most, and who is currently providing my care. I can tell you that there was nothing I wanted more deeply than to have my son and to be pregnant again after my loss, I had never connected so deeply with an internal mental and physical need to be back to where I was, pregnant with my son, or transported into the future with the next (hopeful) pregnancy. For me, I was grateful for the long waiting period, I was in therapy for 10 months, traveled a lot, grieved every moment of every day, read tons of books, and starting putting the pieces back together (I'm still working on it, will be forever). It was exhausting. For many mamas, trying soon after loss is truly the right path, and I would have tried sooner if I could physically. I don't share the experience of TTC soon after loss, but am happy you have found this place and will walk alongside you here. For me the last 7 months have been a wobbly, chaotic, and peaceful time. I wish you luck and healing.

For me - I've been getting the nursery ready for the baby's arrival in a month and a half. It feels surreal. Since we don't know the sex of the baby, we have been going with colors and themes that we just like. The nursery is a neutral toned light grey with a hint of lavender with cream trim and green and yellow details all over. I love it. It's the one piece of our house renovation that's been missing this year, and it feels so good to finally be working on it. I'm officially 31 weeks today and it feels good - 6 weeks to go. We had a couple of family members ask for a registry, so we put one together and were flooded with so many gifts from so many friends and family, it's been a lovely couple of weeks. We can't have a baby shower for this baby because of the pandemic, couldn't have one for my son, because he died before it was held, so it's just been really nice to hear from family and feel like they are excited and hopeful for this babe along with us. On the flip side, there is a lot to grieve right now in the US with the recent police brutality, and I have been doing a lot of internal work and donating, but boy, this with the pandemic, it's a tough world to bring this baby into. My heart is hurting for so many.

Hope you ladies are well.

Allison

Hi all - I'm 32 weeks now and realized that I most likely only have 5 weeks left and 7 at most. April and Alison - sounds like we will all be delivering pretty close together. They won't let me go past July 19 (39w), but last time growth slowed around 37 weeks so I'm just hoping to make it there again - especially as there's a lot of uncertainty about my due date, I'd really rather get to 38 weeks if at all possible.

M - I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Your story is very familiar to me. My first pregnancy was healthy and low risk - my OB kept describing it as "perfect". At around 37/38 weeks, the OB noticed my fundal height was a little small so they did an ultrasound but baby was right on the 40th percentile size wise and fluid levels were good so they decided I just carried small. I noticed a little less movement but was also told "it's the end, less room to move." 5 days after my due date, I went into labor and baby was kicking well in the morning so I labored at home for awhile. By the time I got to the hospital in the early afternoon, the baby had passed away. There was no explanation but it turned out that my placenta was pretty small and the baby was on the smaller side (6lbs, 2oz), so they suspect it was late onset growth issue in the last few weeks that made it so that the baby couldn't withstand the stress of labor. I delivered my son in April 2017. The doctors told me repeatedly that it was a good sign that I carried the first baby to term and that now that they knew to monitor me closely, they were confident of a good outcome. I had a healthy (small) baby girl in August 2018, who was induced at 37+4 after growth scans showed her growth was starting to fall off around that time. I hope your story turns out similarly. I think you have a great attitude to trying again and I hope it happens soon. In my experience, it is not possible to sustain a level of panic for 9 months - I was pretty relaxed for most of my second pregnancy though it had its moments (this one has had its own anxieties what with a global pandemic) but I definitely got more anxious in the last few weeks of my last pregnancy, which is pretty normal. You may or you may not - but Allison and April's mantra is a good one - different pregnancy, different outcome.

In a situation like yours, I doubt the hospital would have made much difference and I agree that the "what if" rabbit hole is just easy and yet not helpful. I'm sorry people are suggesting that to you. I have found people like to find anything that might differentiate them from you to assure themselves it can't happen to them (which I understand!)- but you're right, babies sometimes die and it's horrible but it happens and it isn't that rare. I sometimes feel like the grim reaper - especially around pregnant people - so that is part of my reluctance in joining prenatal groups. I don't want to cause people unnecessary stress, I don't want them to ask me questions to reassure themselves (and accidentally, but conversely make me feel like I did something "wrong"), but I also don't want to and can't edit my life experience with pregnancy to make them feel better. I will say with one successful pregnancy under my belt, it's much easier - i will often say it's my third pregnancy but I only mention my daughter - and I found new mom groups to be good after my daughter was born - I don't bring up my son but if people ask or if it's relevant, I share.

Allison - I'm glad to hear your nursery is set up and you're getting excited. Since our move, we left all baby stuff behind and have to procure it all for the third time now and need to go get everything again. I think after our loss, we were really reluctant to procure things and I did not want to set anything up before the baby was actually there - so we collected things (mostly borrowed) but set up nothing until the baby was home from the hospital. Since we're pretty minimal about baby stuff and the baby stays in our room for the first while, this was fine last time, but this time I feel emotionally more ready to set up a room for middle of the night nursing (I just really want a comfortable chair).

April - I ended up not getting drugs with my daughter's delivery but only because they couldn't give them to me in time. I very much wanted them - in part to be able to keep my cool and be able to rationally process information given to me - I think the level of pain which I was in no way prepared for combined with my daughter going into distress caused me a lot of panic that stuck with me for the first few days after her birth and I don't want a repeat of that. On the other hand, it was really nice taking a shower by myself 20 mins after giving birth. I downloaded an online hypnobirthing course so that I can do it on my own (with my partner) and there are definitely parts that I am not a fan of (some proselytizing that I skip) but I'm hopeful it will give me some tools to stay calm and be more in control despite pain, but I'll see how I go. For me (and I suspect a lot of us in here) the only thing i care about is leaving with a healthy baby - how they get me there doesn't matter so much to me.

I've also really been feeling the weight of the events of the last week in the US and what a world it is to bring a child into (especially as my children are mixed race). It makes it hard to think about things like comfortable chairs or carseats or bassinets. But it also helps me put my own stresses in perspective.

I hope you all are feeling as healthy and comfortable as possible as we enter the last few weeks.

Ladies, this journey is so hard! I'm almost 35 weeks now, and I feel like it's the final stretch. I keep trying to have a good headspace about it, but sometimes I can't help but thinking that, "I was at the final stretch before..." Last week I went to the doctor for a routine appointment and their computers were down. No big deal, right? Well...the practice that I go to is very large, and I was with a doctor that I haven't been with before, so he comes in and says that the computers are down, we haven't met before, so is this my first baby? I anticipated that this might happen, so it wasn't a huge shock when he asked. I briefly told him what happened with my daughter before, and he was very kind and apologetic. He then asked if they were monitoring me more before of the loss that happened in labor, and I said not really, I went to the MFM doctor for my ultrasounds, but they've discharged me because there aren't any issues. He then decided that I should start coming in for weekly NST's, because it's a simple thing that they can do to make sure that everything is going well with this baby and pregnancy. Honestly, I felt like that was the first time I was really taken seriously at this practice. Don't get me wrong, in general I've felt like I've gotten really good care for both of my pregnancies, and they've been extra kind and considerate since we lost Cadence in labor last year, they (almost) always review my file ahead of time, giving me ultrasounds when they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, getting me in to see the doctor quickly to confirm pregnancy, and having an unplanned ultrasound that night, just to see the heartbeat. However, it was nice to have them do these extra appointments leading up to the birth, because as we all know...there is no safe point in pregnancy.

So, yesterday I had my first NST, and the person that was conducting it hadn't reviewed my file. I'm pretty certain that is the first time that this happened, and she apologized and admitted that she didn't look over my file before I came in. That's water under the bridge though, everything with baby is great. He was moving the entire time, got the hiccups for a little, had a great heart rate, etc.

M- I'm so sorry about your precious daughter. It's so, so unfair that we all have been through these terrible things...and you're totally right, stupid cord. My water broke with my daughter at 40 weeks, on my due date. We were in the hospital for several days, and labor wouldn't start, so I was induced. Long story short, my sweet girl went into distress, and they did an emergency c section. She came out limp but they were able to get her heart beating again. She suffered severe brain damage and we took her off life support the day after she was born. I was put under general anesthesia, so I don't remember anything about the birth, I really feel spared because of that. I'm pregnant again, scheduled birth for July (7th) with a little boy. To say it's been an easy journey would be a lie. It's riddled with second guessing and a lot of anxiety. The what if's are the hardest part, I try not to go there either. It sounds like you had great care at the birthing centre, sometimes bad things just happen, and it sucks. Cadence was my first child, so I also pray that my body keeps this healthy little boy safe until he's in my arms. I pray that he will outlive me by so many years.

I'd love to be able to connect with you ladies on social media if you have one. It would be so comforting to see your beautiful babies within the next few weeks!!!! I'm on facebook and instagram. :)

Allison, April, SR : Wow, thank you so much for replying to my post. It's so comforting to know others have been through something like this and survived. I feel like you are all miles ahead of me, being well-along in your "rainbow" pregnancies. I don't know when or if I will ever be able to conceive again, but I'm holding on to that hope for as long as I can handle doing so. I admire your strength and courage and wish you all the best of luck with your upcoming deliveries.

How's everyone doing? I'm hanging in there - getting less and less comfortable (I'm having a ton of shoulder pain) and just really want this baby out and here safely. I also have to admit I'm starting to doubt my medical team - I'm doing weekly BPPs, but given my history I assumed we were doing another growth scan at 37 weeks. The MFM told me this week that he thinks BPPs are enough, he forgot to tell me to stop taking my baby aspirin this week (36 weeks) or to make sure I got the TDAP vaccine, and when I asked if we needed to schedule the induction, he asked when we were doing that. Definitely didn't help my anxiety!

Luckily baby is moving and seems ok right now, and is head down, so I'm just trying to take it day by day.

I can relate. My c section is scheduled for 9 days from now (July 7) and I’ve been having weekly NSTs. My NST last week was kind of a nightmare. The baby was fine, but the needle kept losing his heartbeat, bc he was moving constantly. He had great excels, but the nurse said she needed to go get the doctor. Of course at this point I’m trying not to freak out. The doctor comes in and immediately says that it looks great, he has great excels, but the monitor wasn’t in a good place. I have one more NST left, and I’m taking my husband along to sit in the car with all of our hospital supplies. I can’t deal with the stress of calling him and having to wait for him to pack up the car, something that gave me a huge amount of anxiety as I’m sitting in my last appointment. I’m 38 weeks today, and also ready to get this baby out safely. Sometimes I think that doctors really have too much on their plates to focus on their patients. It’s really disappointing. The practice that I go to is very large, and most of the doctors are just trying to keep their appointments on time. I’m a teacher, so I totally understand being pulled in all directions, but it doesn’t help when you’ve been through hell, like we have. I plan to eventually post some pictures on my Instagram (@aprilreneescheuing) if anyone wants to follow. I seriously can’t wait to hear that our babies come out safe and sound. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hi Ladies!

SR, I'm sorry it seems like your doctor was distracted at that appointment, how frustrating. I would love to know if you did pick a date for your induction! I know our delivery days were going to be close together! :)

April, you are so so close! I wish you the absolute best with everything on Tuesday. I'm sending all of the positive vibes for a smooth delivery. I don't post about pregnancy really anymore on Instagram because I did the last time I was pregnant and then a few weeks later had to tell the world my baby didn't make it. It left a sour taste in my mouth. I've been waiting u til this baby is here and healthy, although most people know I'm pregnant. You can follow me at a.c.egan if you'd like and I'll follow you!

I'm doing well, it's been a lot of quiet anticipation, and the anxiety has lifted a lot. The result of getting further and further along has actually made me feel physically so much better in this pregnancy. No weird symptoms, no unmanageable sleepless nights, and I'm officially on maternity leave as of last week. We've had some curve balls but I am mostly just feeling extremely grateful that this baby is healthy and that I am too. It's really starting to hit me that I'm having a baby a week from tomorrow!

I'm looking forward to updates!

April - I hope everything went brilliantly for you today and you are snuggling your baby boy right now! The first few weeks of having a new baby after a loss can bring a lot of emotions so be gentle with yourself.

Allison - I'm glad to hear you have a date set - am I right it's the 13th? I'll be thinking of you that day! I'm glad you are feeling better too. For me, I tend to do ok in the early stages and then these last few weeks are the anxious period for me. And I'm definitely having a lot of sleepless nights - though I think that's due to the heat and my difficulty rolling over in bed these days.

We are scheduled for an induction on the 20th. I had another appointment with the doctor last week and expressed my concerns about not doing a growth scan, and they agreed we should do one on Thursday. That made me feel better though my husband came with me to this appointment (the first one for this pregnancy) and his assessment was that the doctor was very casual and giving me the "ok crazy lady" treatment - but we're ok with having that treatment if it means they are paying close attention. At this point I'm past 37 weeks, so I'll be happy with delivering at any point now!

What a whirlwind! He’s here and he’s absolutely perfect. 8 pounds, 19 and 3/4 inches long. Pregnancy after loss is probably one of the hardest journeys I’ve ever been on, but now it’s somewhat over. His name is August, we are calling him Auggie 😊❤️

I wish you ladies the absolute best and will be checking in frequently to hear about your beautiful babies. The last few weeks were torture and I really didn’t think we would make it to our scheduled c section.

SR- I’m glad that they’re taking your concerns seriously, it can be so tough to have your voice be heard without the looks of judgement.

Allison- enjoy your maternity leave!!!! It will be so nice for you to have off work a little before baby arrives.

April, I saw your sweet boy on your IG post, huge congratulations!!!! I am so thrilled for Auggie's safe arrival and am just elated for you. Yay!

SR, I admire your ability to advocate for yourself, and I'm happy they are doing a growth scan for you today, I hope things are okay and on track but like you said, after 37 weeks that babe can come any time they need to! Congratulations on setting a date!

I'm delivering by planned C on Monday, bright and early. Things are still going smoothly, but these last few days are definitely going verrrry slow. I've got my last appointment this afternoon. Never thought this month/week/day would come and it's like a dream to be here. Just ready and anxious for a healthy arrival.

Allison- I’m thinking about you fiercely today and tomorrow...I know the days leading up to birth we’re just awful and anxiety inducing. I hope you have peace, and a surgical team who knows where you’re coming from. Cant wait to hear that your little one arrives.

SR- your date is coming up too! It’s funny how we are all just a few weeks apart. You're-so right...I was really just elated the first two days in the hospital with my new baby, but then as I was leaving the hospital I just broke down a little. I realized that I was going to get to do so much more with Auggie that I never got to do with Cadence. It’s an interesting feeling.

April - I am so thrilled that little Auggie is here and you are home with him. And what you felt leaving the hospital is so familiar. My husband and I had a lot of those same feelings/moments in our early weeks with my daughter. I remember one night feeding and singing to her and looked up and my husband was just crying saying "I'm just so sad for him that he didn't get to have this." So give yourself a lot of space and room for that - my mantra is "I can be happy she is here and sad he is not at the same time." I also had a lot of anxiety in the early weeks - I likely had a touch of PPA but it's hard to say what is PPA and what is just normal for loss moms. I hope you're having more of the joyful moments than the anxious ones.

Allison - I meant to come back on here on Sunday to wish you good luck. I hope everything went well and your little family is enjoying getting to know each other.

I have had a few anxious moments - over the weekend, it was taking a lot longer to get to 10 kicks than it had been, which made me a little nervous. But it's picked back up so it helps. I have my last BPP today, COVID test on Friday, and hopefully induction Monday morning so fingers crossed. I've been having fairly regular prodromal labor so hopefully the induction won't be from a completely closed cervix this time and will go faster.

Hi ladies,

Baby Margot was born on Monday morning and was 6lb 13oz and almost 19 inches long. She is an absolute dream of a baby, so cute and so squishy. We are in love with her. She had some trouble clearing her lungs after birth so she has been in the NICU on a CPAP for a day and a half. She is eating so we'll, including some of my milk and some donor milk. It's very difficult to have another baby in the NICU, but all of our doctors have assured us over and over that she is doing great and that this is precautionary-she doesn't need any oxygen or anything supplemental. It's a little bit frustrating too because when we are doing our skin to skin naps and feeds her vitals are perfect- I think baby girl just needs to be spending all of her time with us but we are trying to be patient. I am very sore but walking okay and likely here in the hospital until Friday. Some other good news is that my MFM said he was able to repair an almost ruptured c section scar during my surgery- I ended up with some pretty intense contractions the morning of the csection which started to separate my old scar. I am so grateful a true rupture did not happen and that my doctor took his time to fix things up so that we have the option in the future for another baby or two if we'd like to try. We did a gentle c section with a clear drape and it was definitely the right choice, I loved watching baby girl arrive in the world and having almost immediate skin to skin with her.

SR- good luck this coming Monday- I will be thinking of you this week and weekend and wishing you a compliant and dilated cervix! I can't wait to hear about baby's arrival.

Allison - Congratulations! I love the name Margot and I hope she's still thriving and making her way out of the NICU. I'm sure it is scary/traumatic for you both to have her in there so I hope they release her soon. It's good that they are taking every precaution though. It sounds like your medical team did a great job looking after you both. I hope your physical recovery continues smoothly and little Margot is home with you both soon. So happy for you all though.

So happy to hear this! Welcome to earth Margot! Hope you were able to go home yesterday with your sweet girl! 😊

SR- can’t wait to hear that your sweet babe is here safe! Many good thoughts coming your way this weekend into Monday!

April

I came here to catch up with all of the other expecting mamas on this thread and was overjoyed to see so many wonderful birth announcements! I have my own to add to the mix! Felix was born on June 23 at 37+1 via repeat c-section with absolutely no signs of preeclampsia or HELLP. The c-section was more traumatic than I anticipated (apparently something went awry and I lost a lot of blood) but he was and is perfectly healthy at 6lbs. 12oz and 20in. long. I was surprised by the intensity and complexity of emotions after he joined us - utter, life-altering joy coupled with an edge of grief for his brother. Everyone in the family, including me, has called him Ezra at some point. This loss journey does not end, but wow oh wow is this part sweet.

Big, warm, hearty congratulations to Allison and April, I hope everyone is home and cuddling their sweet babes right now, and good luck SR!

Congrats Ezra'sMama!

Baby Neve arrived on July 21st at a healthy 7lbs 1 oz - the biggest of her siblings by almost a full pound. The induction went pretty smoothly (although it took awhile - started the process at 9:30pm on the 20th and she was born at 6:30pm on the 21st) and I'm in pretty good shape too. We ended up in the same L&D room that we delivered my son in, but we actually found it healing instead of traumatic. We've been dealing with some feeding issues, which is always stressful, and I definitely am finding my anxiety in high gear (sleep deprivation does not help) but for now, everything seems to be going ok despite me seeing calamity around every corner.

Hope you are all surviving the newborn whirlwind!

Ezra's Mama- I am elated to hear of Felix's arrival! I can absolutely rate to the intensity of emotions you describe-I find myself in grief, absolute pure joy, gratefulness all at the same time and it's so overwhelming. I am so happy to be living in this moment though, I am still feeling like I am living in a baby-bubble dream state.

SR- Yay!! Baby Neve, what an absolutely beautiful name. I'm happy to hear the induction was mostly smooth. We are also having some feeding issues due to the NICU stay and delayed breastfeeding but we are working through it in the ways we can. So so happy for Neve's safe arrival.

I'm definitely feeling anxiety, much of it related to the pandemic. I'm feeling like I need to keep most people at a double arm's length. I'm also feeling a little guilty telling people when and in what way they are allowed limited visits with Margot. People are mostly understanding, and we are limiting completely to grandparents and other immediate family members, but some people just don't get why wearing a mask, visits only outside, social distancing, etc. Are all required at this point. I think they'll get over it but it's frustrating, and I find myself explaining over and over to the same people that I refuse to have another baby in critical condition in the NICU. Just not happening.

Anyways, I hope you are all enjoying some snuggles today <3

Hi ladies - Just checking in and hoping you and your babes are all doing well.

Hi Everyone,

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. I recently had Auggie’s little brother, and boy these newborn days are tough. He also might be our last baby, which is bittersweet. Hoping everyone is well and we are kept on our toes by our two year olds.

April