NOTE -- I just needed some place to vent, if this isn't appropriate for the board, please feel free to remove!! :)

I'm 14 weeks pregnant today. We lost our daughter at 38 weeks due to antiphospholipid syndrome in 2017. I follow a number of "pregnancy after loss" internet boards etc. and am finding myself annoyed at all of these women who are going on about how traumatized they were by losing their first pregnancy at 8 weeks and are hoping for a rainbow with their current pregnancy. I know I shouldn't gatekeep, and I would never say anything to them directly. But they have NO IDEA. It is so maddening!

(as I wrote this, I decided to just unsubscribe from those forums. thanks for listening!)

Vent away! You’re safe here! And sending you peace and calm and health as you navigate this. Hugs mama.

So if you were maddened by people who had pregnancy loss at 8 weeks then I am sure women who lost live babies or even grown kids would be maddened by your comment because they would be thinking you have NO IDEA. It is all relative.. Each one has their own way of reacting to a loss . I am sorry for yours but I think people should be more supportive of each other rather than trying to weigh whose loss was more or less. I am really disappointed to see that the admin/board is entertaining such venting when people are just trying to find some comfort here. Definitely unsubscribing.

Situate, I get you. I had both types of loss (3 miscarriages and a stillbirth) and both drove me insane with fear during my last pregnancy. But the miscarriages were nothing compared to the stillbirth. With the miscarriages, I was mostly sorry for myself, for going through yet another two months of pregnancy (again and again) for it to just end in a scary way. I was afraid at the 12-week scan that there wouldn't be a heartbeat. The stillbirth had me reeling in a completely different way. It was... existential. So deep. The visits to the hospital were so triggering. And the fear for my baby continued up until way after I gave birth her.

One of the hardest aspects of this loss for me is how few people out there truly get me. And I would guess this is what you are reacting to as well. Not that the others have their fears - of course they do, miscarriages are scary and nobody should have to go through that. But that the others can't understand yours, and then you feel vulnerable and exposed and all alone.

Pregnancy after loss is a rollercoaster of its own. Hang in there.

Situate, I really understand how you feel. I have lost my precious twin girls in December last year after they were born prematurely. My first born stayed with us for 25 days and my second one for 39 days. The heartache was and still is undescribable. In September this year I suffered a miscarriage at 8w4d and it is not compared with the pain I feel for my girls. The miscarriage made feel sorry for myself and even more hurt for the loss of my baby girls. I miss them even more now.

rainbow222, you probably didnt understand what Situate wanted to say. I have suffered both the loss of my living and breathing baby girls and a miscarriage and the two dont compare. We dont compare griefs nor do we want to make one loss seem more important than the other but the harsh reality is that it is completely different to have to bury your own child than the miscarriage. Both are hurtful but non-comparable for sure.

As Ana said my miscarriage made me feel so sorry for myself and the fact that I had to go through sth like that. And mind you my miscarriage was after our 5th IVF try. I hope no woman has to experience loss in any way.

Sending love to all of you xxx