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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Petrified of trying again- after full term still birth

My partner and I have decided to start trying from May. We lost our first son 8th jan this year. I’m petrified to lose another baby. I don’t think I would ever be the same again if I lost another. I need some advice. Stats even. Is it common to happen a second time? Parker passed due to ”unknown causes” . He was perfect
March 19, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterAsh
I'm so so sorry your son isn't here. It doesn't make any sense. He will always be perfect.
I don't know exact stats (this is just what I've read!) But they say in general having a stillbirth increases your chances of having another altho very minimally. Ive seen a range from less than 1% to 2.5% of women who have had a stillbirth will go on to have another, but that also has a lot to do with the cause (which they often don't know). Unfortunately, losing another child can happen. I found it helpful to talk to the MFM at the hospital where I delivered my daughter as she seemed more knowledgeable than my regular OB about all that stuff. She also suggested a waiting to try time of only 3 months, as opposed to the 6, but preferably 12, my OB had suggested. I would seek out an MFM if a consult wasn't already offered to you.
Six months ago, my daughter died during labor at full term due to a knot in her umbilical cord. I jumped at ttc right away (at 3 months) because I thought the longer I waited the more terrified I'd become. We got pregnant right away, and I kind of appreciate still being terribly sad about Mary's death as I don't spend time worrying about this baby (I'm sure that will come towards the end, but there are also plans for lots of extra monitoring).

This is so rambling and probably not super helpful, and unfortunately a lot of this is just gonna come down to how you and your partner feel - no matter the stats. I just know from reading this site lots of women have made the pregnancy journey after loss and survived. My grandmother, whom my daughter is named for, had her 2nd child die as a toddler, her 4th stillborn, and then went on to have 4 more healthy babies, including my mom. She is my main inspiration.

Take it easy on yourself.
March 19, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMary's mom
Hello, I’m so sorry I didn’t reply. I just found out I’m pregnant. Thank you for your words. I will take this on board. And just hope for the best. I will be high risk with weekly scans. Planned c-section. I’m grateful for you all. Xx
July 7, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterAshleigh