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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Subsequent pregnancy care after loss: midwife asking

Hi everyone,

I am a baby loss mama (my daughter was stillborn last year at 32w gestation) and I’m currently pregnant again. I’m also a birth centre midwife.

What I’m finding in my current pregnancy is a total lack of awareness at the unique psychosocial needs of looking after PAL mums. I know there are dedicated clinics that cater for pregnancy after loss in the UK but I can’t see any where I am (in Australia).

I was wondering if people would mind telling me about great services in their area, or aspects of their care that you found lacking in your subsequent pregnancies? I want to try and influence policy in my hospital and any feedback is appreciated.
February 19, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterKelly
Hi Kelly, I think there were a few things that really helped me: first, to make sure that my providers, ALL of them (the MFM, the regular OB, the nutritionist when I had gestational diabetes) everyone knew my history and that I didn’t have to repeat it at every appointment. I had to chew out a few of the nurses for asking “is this your first”but I told them the “previous stillbirth” needed to be in big red letters at the top of my files, or they should use a different color folder or something. I cried at my 28 week visit (when my daughter died) because the nurse who came to get me said “we know this week is hard for you, we’re going to tell the insurance you need a special ultrasound because we need to check something even though we don’t” . The hospital where I delivered had a form with a field that said “important things to know about you and special requests” or something like that so I wrote about my loss, and that I did not want to be asked about my history etc during the delivery. That worked well—I had a scheduled c—because while the OB had seen me before, the anasthesiologist when he walked in was very kind and said something like “I saw in your file that you had an epidural when your baby was stillborn. I’m going to do what I can to make this as painless for you as possible.” And then he held my hand the whole time.

I also went to a monthly pregnancy after loss support group and continued to see a therapist. Sending you peace.
February 21, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterAB
Thank you AB for this great message. It's definitely given me food for thought - for my own pregnancy and if I'm able to change policys and procedures at my workplace for subsequent pregnancies after loss. The nurse that saw you at 28w sounded like the perfect example of the sensitivity required for mamas in our situation xx
March 6, 2019 | Unregistered Commenterkelly