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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Evaluating the risk of another pregnancy

We lost our daughter Rosie in October. I had a full placental abruption when my waters broke in the middle of the night at 39 weeks, and she lived for one beautiful awful week with severe brain damage. We'd like to have another child, but my doctor voiced some concerns due to probable increased risks of another placental abruption. I was pretty distressed at the time but believe that the doctor mentioned that risks are higher (he said as high as 30%, though he couldn't put an exact number on it -- I so wish more was known about abruptions) if you've had a full abruption and if you've had a c-section (I had a crash c-section with Rosie's birth, plus a previous unexpected c-section). I am so fearful of another abruption. It was a terrifying and unbearably hard thing to experience, to be so helpless while my daughter was in distress. But I oh so want another child, and another connection to her. My husband came away fearful as well, and is leaning towards exploring surrogacy. Complicating all of this is our history of infertility. We have several embryos in stasis that are our chances for another child, and it is unlikely that we can create more. I'm hoping that this community can provide guidance on how you assessed risks of future pregnancies, and overcame fears either to bear again yourself or seek assistance from another.
February 8, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterRosie's mama
I'm an ob/gyn and babylost, but I can tell you that although your risk of repeat abruption are elevated from normal, but there's definitely not a clear reason for it to repeat- abruption tends to be a random or reactive (to drugs, to trauma) occurrence. Your C-section shouldn't change future pregnancies much at all. You should consult with your local Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor, who can talk to you more about risks, and make an active plan for this pregnancy with lots of monitoring, and potentially a scheduled, slightly earlier delivery.
I haven't figured out how to overcome the fear though. That's a whole other beast. Lots of good thoughts your way.
February 11, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterGrace
Dear Rosie's mama,

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter!

Your story sounds very similar to mine... Our first son, Stefan, died due to a placental abruption at the very end of a perfectly healthy pregnancy. He too lived in the hospital for 8 days, but the brain injuries were too severe and extensive. That was over seven years ago. Still breaks my heart.

Thankfully, we were able to have two more sons, who were born perfectly healthy and with no complications. Yes, the risk of recurrence is there - I believe between 5-15%, assuming there are no known risk factors such as drug use or high blood pressure. But the overwhelming probability is that it will NOT happen again. And while we all know there are no guarantees in life and bad things do happen, I do know many, many women who had placental abruptions and went on to have more babies without issues.

In any event, I would be happy to chat more off-line. My husband and I did a lot of research on PAs (and yes, they really don't know enough about them!), I have worked with several MFMs, and I would be happy to share as little or as much as you want to know about our experience. And I agree with Grace - find a good high risk specialist in your area and talk to them, they would be much better qualified to give you guidance vs. a general OBGYN. My email is vdmircheva at yahoo dot com.

Sending love and hope,
February 14, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMira