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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Another cut

I have been hiding out and been absent a while. I needed to come back today. I lost sweet babe P.
I’m 2015, went through a roller coaster pregnancy in 2017, and they delivered him via another c section. There were suspected issues but everything was ok. I sang from the roof tops!! A new ok, well, not broken, alive son that I was able to hold and feel breathing. We went through a lot... but all was well. 6 month well check we found out he has cancer. Can you say eviscerating and cruel on another level? It’s been a few months and starting to finally accept and cope. Finances are awful. At his b day party my SIL said loudly my eating bacon during pregnancy caused the cancer. NOT what oncologists are saying but still cuts so deep. I want baby P back. I need baby E to be ok. I want normal. I want what twisted normal I had 6 months ago back. I’m so lost and mangled. I want to know something in this world can be ok. How can we do cancer too? What will this do to me, my husband, our marriage, our kids? I am having nightmares about how treatments will break is more. I’m afraid I just can’t anymore. How is this going to affect my older kids? We are just going to keep going each day new but I just need something to be normal, anything at all.
October 5, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterApril
April, I've been thinking of you and E lately, and I know other people here were thinking of you too. I'm really sorry that you are facing this, and I wish with all my heart that E's treatments will work and he will be healthy again. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like, how this crushes you emotionally, physically and as you've mentioned financially. Sorry I don't have words of wisdom or anything, but sending you a big hug, a speedy recovery to E and hope that your family and loved ones will be there for each other, to go through this. And Glow is here whenever you need to vent.
October 5, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterEYR
April I've been thinking of you and your family and wondering how you are all doing.
What you are all going through is just so terrible and I hope so much that baby E will be successfully treated and will be well as soon as possible.
I write with tears in my eyes out of sheer sadness and anger for you.
I hope for you all, peace and quiet and a return as soon as possible to "normal".
Sending my family's heartfelt love to yours
October 5, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKE
April, you've been in my thoughts since you posted about this a while ago. When I was joining the pregnancy after loss threads you were just signing off, telling us how none of the predicted problems were there when he was born. What you are going through now is beyond cruel. Baby E deserves a full recovery. You all deserve it. But here we are, all of us here know that babies die... We're here to listen. And hope with all our strength that he will come through it all right, and that you will have yet another new normal once again.
October 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAna