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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > August Pregnancy Thread

Hi everyone, the pregnancy threads have been somewhat inactive so I thought I would get a late start on this month’s thread! I don’t have time to post a detailed update but I am 24+4 and my anxiety is growing along with my belly. Over analyzing every time baby kicks and doesn’t kick, but if we get to 28 weeks we start kick counts and afterwards I have a good plan with my MFM.

How is everyone else doing?
August 18, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNada
I've been in and out over the years because I kept losing pregnancies (repeat chromosome issues)...which makes me really happy to come back now. We've been doing IVF to screen out abnormalities and and I just got back a positive test today! I was so sure it would be negative and I'm still shocked.

So of course I came here where I can find my people.

Gentle congratulations, Nada! I hope your baby gives you a calm and uneventful final trimester.

Jack's mom
August 20, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJack's mom
Congrats ladies! I’m currently 30+2. I feel so lucky to have made it this far after losing Natalie last October at 21 weeks. The thing I am really struggling with is having another baby so soon after losin* one. I feel like the closer October gets the sadder I get. I keep thinking we should be celebrating this new baby, but I just miss my Natalie so much. I’m on bedrest so that isn’t helping the situation. I know I’ll feel so much better after I am holding this baby, alive, in my arms!
August 21, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterStacy
I am 27+2 today after an unexpected 23 week loss two years ago. I keep expecting something horrible to happen. I hold my breath until every appointment and just can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong and I just don’t know it. I think until I am holding a live healthy baby, these negative feelings won’t stop.

Best of luck and strength to us all.
August 21, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterEmily A
I am 26 weeks today...I wish time would pass by faster. I am planning an induction at 37 weeks so I keep reminding myself that I have 11 weeks to go, but the days are really inching by so slowly.

Jack's Mom -- A gentle congratulations on the positive test! I really wish a peaceful pregnancy ahead for you. Thank you for the well wishes, I hope both our pregnancies are uneventful ones moving forward. :)

Stacy -- 30! You are almost there. I am sorry for the loss of Natalie last October. You must be both excited and terrified to have passed that milestone with your current pregnancy. And missing Natalie, of course. Are you finding ways to make bed rest bearable? Maybe reading books or watching good TV, things like that? It's easier said than done, especially in a pregnancy after loss that's automatically going to be nerve wracking and sad. Yes, having Natalie's sibling in your arms will make all the difference, and make this wait so worth it.

Emily A -- Congratulations on reaching such a milestone, and I totally understand your nerves. I, too, am having extreme anxiety about this pregnancy. I also feel like I am holding my breath. I use my fetal doppler constantly and have to take pauses in my day to lie down and feel baby's kicks to get some reassurance. It's really hard. And then the actual doctor's appointment, when baby turns out okay, is such a relief...and then you count down to the next appointment! It's never ending.
August 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNada
I have been extremely on edge this week. My baby still has days where she isn’t as active, but she’s kicking, and the next day she kicks up a storm. It really causes so much anxiety for me....I have been losing sleep, waking up at 3 am just to poke and prod at my tummy and wake her up. My next doctors appt is the 13th but my MFM did offer to schedule me in sooner if I wanted to. So maybe I should do it this week instead if there are any openings...
I downloaded a kick counting app today and that helped this morning. I logged ten kicks within ten minutes which is good. According to the app it should be ten every two hours. She just seems to kick fiercely in a short period of time and then go quiet, then repeat. I could go to L&D every day at this point if I could for monitoring. I’m thinking of requesting NSTs to start at 28 weeks rather than 32.
September 3, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNada
Hey Nada,

I just wanted to quickly say that my baby's movement patterns are the same; moving and kicking like mad one day and not so much the next. Every morning I wake up and think 'has she died while I've been asleep', and Tilly wasn't stillborn yet the fear of that happening is huge. We are having a big scan done on Friday to see if little sister has the same condition... I don't even know what I think or feel anymore. It's so scary and no one around me gets it.

What did you decide with NST?

September 12, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterElla
Hi Ella, this is all so hard and nerve wracking. My thoughts are with you. Good luck with Friday's scan, I hope it all goes well and this baby is perfectly okay. It is so so difficult to just keep calm and hope for the best. Today my baby took a bit longer to kick and that made me nervous, but she's active now. I hate waiting for the kicks, the count down starts from the morning, and I too have those thoughts--"what if she died overnight?" For the NSTs, I am going to talk to my doctor as I have my 28 week appointment tomorrow and go from there. Maybe I will start with once a week, just as long as I'm doing *something* to help calm down.

Please update us on the scan <3 Thinking of you, Tilly and your baby
September 12, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNada