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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Trying Again

We are seven months out from the loss of our 10 day old son. We have decided to start trying again. I find myself drifting between feelings of hope and feelings of extreme anxiety. I never thought I would be trying again this soon, and maybe not trying again at all. We also have a daughter and thought our family would likely be complete after the birth of our son. I have been lucky to get pregnant relatively easily 3 times now (one early early MC and two births), but I find myself terrified that this time I won’t be able to get pregnant. And terrified of all
The terrible things that could happen if I do get pregnant. How do you deal with these conflicting feelings? I feel like I’m cursed and somehow being punished, and that I may never know what it’s like to have another living child.
August 2, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMJ
Dear MJ, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I cannot say there won't be fear or anxiety if you get pregnant again, but I can tell you that you are not cursed. You have gone through a terrible, life-altering loss, but you are not cursed. You have so much beauty and happiness in your future. We lost our baby girl when she was 2 days old, and my husband and I have just decided that when we reach the 6 month mark, we will ttc again. My doctor told me that if you've been pregnant before and it was easy, then it will be easy again, which was a comfort to me, and hopefully it will be to you as well. Try to take it one day at a time and remember you are not alone. Sending you prayers.
August 2, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterEloise's mom
MJ—I’m so sorry for your loss. We waited 9 months before we decided to try again. What made us realize we were ready was this: we wanted a living baby more than we were scared of another loss. I won’t lie, my subsequent pregnancy was extremely stressful but the following things helped: a comprehensive care plan that included a new OB, a maternal fetal specialist and a psychologist that specialized in perinatal loss. I found the monthly thread here of comfort as well. Finally, through my bereaved parent support group, I knew other parents who were going through a subsequent pregnancy and we held each other’s hands throughout. I also found comfort in a pregnancy after loss support group. The thing I found most difficult was living with the knowledge that things sometimes go horribly wrong (I found out at 28 weeks my daughter had died—a complete concealed placental abruption) and there’s almost nothing you can control. Someone on the pregnancy thread here had a great mantra she shared: today, I am pregnant. Hope you find peace and calm to figure out what’s right for you.
August 5, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAB