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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Petrified

Hello, this is the first time I have ever posted on one of these boards,

I had a medical termination in January due to my baby having serious complications that meant it wouldn’t survive until birth, it was the hardest thing I and my family have ever had to go through. I still think about that baby every single day and some days I struggle to see how I am going to move on.

Me and my husband decided to start trying for another baby last month, this month my period is late but I have this overwhelming fear of taking a pregnancy test, I don’t know what I am more scared of it being positive and having the fear of another pregnancy going wrong or it being negative and the empty feeling inside of me returning. I feel so guilty for feeling this way as I know so many people who would love to be Pregnant but can’t!

Has anyone here felt like this?
May 2, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterChell
Hello Chell, Sorry to hear about the termination of your pregnancy. It is such a terrible decision you've had to make, and you're still grieving this baby you loved and wanted so much. I completely understand both your desire for a new pregnancy and your fear of it. I guess you'll eventually find out if you are pregnant or not, but please try to see it either as a little more time to grieve for your lost baby and prepare for a new pregnancy, OR as a new hope.
Sending you hugs
May 2, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterEYR
Chell—oh my goodness that sounds so normal. A medical termination is an altogether different kind of loss. Please be kind to yourself—you’re entitled to feel as you do. In my pregnancy with my son after my daughter was stillborn, I had all these conflicting emotions. My therapist said it was normal and to just focus on me, on the pregnancy, and on my emotional and physical health and to not think of “should” because others xyz. It’s irrelevant. Sending you peace.
May 2, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAB