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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Anxiety

I have been having really bad anxiety lately mainly due to ttc. Work too has been very stressful with managers putting alot of pressure on me about meeting deadlines. Its only been a year out but somehow it seems like everyone has already forgetton and expects im "better" now when frankly figures and deadlines mean nothing to me these days. I am starting to question with this extra anxiety whether its best for me to continue working there while ttc and if lucky to become pregnant again or just suck it up. Am I over reacting?
March 15, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
This is so individual Anon. I wasn't working when ttc/pregnant with my rainbow and I was grateful (I wasn't working full time at the time of our loss either)...but my subsequent pregnancy was high risk, I had weekly appointments throughout and I was grateful not to be working...I think certainly if you can afford not to, or can afford to go less than full time, it's something to consider. I also don't know where you live or what your situation might be in general but it wouldn't have been possible had my husband not been working. He had medical insurance through his work (we're in the US) and it made it possible to be so closely monitoring during this high risk pregnancy.
March 18, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAB
my experience was the following-
ttc after loss- very stressful.
work- high stress
ttc over an extended period of time- even more stressful
work- high stress
more losses, ttc with ivf, etc- TOO stressful.
work- same high stress, but the only thing that could change.

so, I stopped working. I had reached the brim and something had to give, so I stopped working and totally gave the ttc all my attention, knowing it was my last best chance of getting pregnant.
the work was always going to be stressful, and eventually my distraction from ttc greatly lowered my enjoyment of working in general, or life in general. not the best of times, that is for sure.

I guess I wanted to share that because I am not convinced that my work stress ever directly affected my ttc or my ttc failure or success. it just added to the amount of stress in my life while ttc after loss, grieving, etc. I would encourage you to try to pull apart the big pile of string that is in front of you in order to see if stopping working for a while will make a marked difference. working actually was a great distraction sometimes, especially during the tww and waiting out m/c's, medicated cycles, etc. I was my own boss, though, and I had some savings that I knew I could lean on if I chose to bag work.

I feel for you, anon. some people can get pregnant so easily, and when it is you that cannot for whatever reason, so stressful. the loss makes it exponentially worse. much love to you.

one last thought, if the work is something that is too difficult to stop, or take a break from, I would amp up the individual counseling if you are in therapy to try and counter the anxiety you are feeling now. if no counseling, add other coping techniques- walking in nature, writing/journaling, running, yoga, dance, whatever helps you lower your stress and anxiety.
March 22, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterss