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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > March Pregnancy thread

Well I am 22 weeks with 2 work shifts left before I am on short term disability. Apart from the hypertension and anxiety I am doing well. My little baby girl is doing well. I fell a couple of nights ago and since then I have been having some issues breathing.I had a visit to the ER and was told everything was fine with the exception of low iron. Maybe it is the anxiety or the pregnancy but I am finding I am getting winded easily which is probably normally but with 4 years between pregnancies memories get foggy.

Well yesterday was a whirlwind of emotion and anxiety as my 4 year old had dental surgery (please don't judge). With the loss of J and the recent loss of my grandma while being put under it was very nerve wreaking. She came out of it fine and is currently spending the morning and most likely day resting in her room.

Today is the second to last shift at work before short term disability which I am still anxious about. But whatever is best for baby.

I hope everyone is progressing healthily.
March 9, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTsukia
Hi Tsukia, Glad to hear you are doing alright. I hope your daughter is recovering OK. It must have been a shock to have a fall to deal with as well.
It sounds like it may be good to get some rest as much as you can with a 4 year old!
I am OK I'm now 26 weeks and expanding rapidly I had ny glucose tolerance test on Wednesday which was negative so that was good.
It has been a very busy few weeks with lots of work and so I am getting quite tired now. On thursday there was another pre inquest meeting with the coroner and they are still not sure if the full inquest into Eleanor's death will happen in April as planned or not so still waiting.
I had a difficult day at work a few days ago when the nurse I work with once a week had brought a large teddy bear back from her holiday which she passed to me so I could "practice holding a baby". I didn't respond as she is a very lovely woman but my only thought was that if I can hold my daughter for the couple of hours it took her to die after her life support was turned off I hope I can manage a living baby.
The same day a patient's mother said to me, when I told her that in 8-10 weeks I would hopefully be on maternity leave, that she couldn't believe how quick that was as I'd only just come back! Again I couldn't face telling her so just carried on.
Any way I hope everyone who was with us last month is still keeping well and coping OK.
March 9, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKE
The fall was more embarrassing then anything as I actually had to get help to get up off the ice :(
The following day I ended up in the ER as I felt a tightness in my chest which the best they could figure I pulled something when I fell. Although i am finding I am getting winded very easily the past week.
As much as I may want to fight it, you are probably right that it is a good thing I am going off work and will be able to put my feet up and get some much needed rest.

KE - Wow 26 weeks where has the time gone. I am glad your glucose test went well. I am sorry that you had to be put in those awkward situations. I remember when I was pregnant with A after we lost J and some of the things people would say that I just wanted to lash out at them for.
I hope that they are able to finish the inquest into Eleanor's passing as planned in April as it will be one thing off your mind.
Very happy to see things are going well on the baby bean front.

Looking forward to hearing from everyone on how things are going this month.
March 9, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTsukia
23 weeks now. We went for a heart scan yesterday... done by the same specialist who did the scan on Nadia 2.5 years ago and told us nothing is working the way it should. She was very sweet, very gentle with us. And very much on top of things. Even though Nadia's condition was extremely rare (about 1 in 200 000 babies), she looked back at the records and thought about what the heart would have looked like at this gestational age. Long story short, the heart looks perfectly average - which I hear as 'beautiful'.

I'm experiencing quite some anxiety as the age of viability comes closer. It feels like such a monumental milestone. And each hour just drags one, and my fear mounts at every twitch. One more week to go.

Other than that, this little girl is kicking up a storm every day. I don't remember either of my children being quite this active at this point. It's very reassuring.
March 13, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAna
Dear Ana,
I'm so glad everything was "average" - being average is seriously underestimated sometimes!

I do find that I am continuing to be anxious about this pregnancy in fact I think it's worse as the time goes on. It is reassuring to feel him wiggling about a lot though. I'm glad your little girl is making you feel her presence.
March 13, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKE
Hi ladies,

Just a quick note to check how everyone is doing.

Sending sanity and love
March 22, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterGaby
Just checking in to see how everyone is getting on.
I'm keeping well - just made it to 29 weeks and had my first growth scan on Friday - everything was OK so that is a relief. I have so many appointments over the next few weeks I don't know if I'm coming or going!
Wishing all of you an uneventful and happy week
March 25, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKE
Ana - I am glad that the technician was good with you and that the scan was average. It is always reassuring when you get positive scans and the feeling of them moving is such a reassurance.

KE - Glad you have hit the 29 week milestone. I hope all your appointments go as well as the growth scan.

I am at 25 weeks and apart from when she is moving I still just think/feel like I put on weight. This month has been extremely stressful as my grandpa ended up in the hospital and apparently had a minor stoke prior to hospitalization. My blood gluclose has been a bit off most likely due to stress but I know my medical team isn't going to be happy. With luck April will be a better month. If I don't get on here before it I hope you all have a happy Easter
March 25, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTsukia
Hi all. Just a quick check in- so, so happy to see everyone is doing well. Cheers to uneventful minutes, days, weeks... I’ll be 24 weeks on Wednesday, things seem to be going well so far physically. It seems that as the days go by the more anxious I get- I knew that would be the case with a previous full term stillbirth, there really isn’t any way around it. I’ve been having some panicked moments regarding movement and I find the Doppler sometimes makes it worse, anyone experience this? Trying to keep looking forward and continue to be thankful for each moment.
March 25, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAM