Starting the new month’s thread....

This site has been so helpful for me, ever since I stumbled on it months ago in the middle of the night when I didn’t know how to get through another day.

I hope it with continue to be as our journey shifts into a new (and also terrifying) stage.

Found out yesterday we’re 5 weeks pregnant! 😳

Took a bit longer this time around, but I have to admit I’m so relieved it was this month...if everything goes ok, we’ll be six weeks further along when all the calendar milestones come.

Fingers (and toes, and everything else!) crossed - I just hope this works out xx

Gentle congratulations, S! I'm not pregnant but glad to see you restart these threads as they give me hope for when I'm ready to try again and also to know this community is here for each other.

Gentle congratulations S, I also need this site - it gives such great support. Keeping everything crossed for you on this next stage of the journey.

SR -I also have spent time looking at these threads and they have given me hope over the past 10 months.

I took a pregnancy test this morning which was positive so at least for now I am a tiny bit pregnant!

KE - what a perfect description: we can be a tiny bit pregnant together. Fingers and toes crossed for you also.

And thank you SR. I couldn’t agree more.

S and KE, gentle congrats on being a tiny bit pregnant! Like SR, I am not pregnant again at this moment but hoping to join that journey in the near future. I'm so thankful for this site and for all of those here... this support has pulled me from the darkness more times than I can count! Hoping for joy/peace/strength for us all.

Thanks for organizing us, S. And that's nice news about your pregnancies, S and KE. At 20 weeks, I've just shifted over from the "eaten too much pie" look into being noticeably pregnant. So I guess that makes me more than a little bit pregnant now. This brings the unwelcome or clueless comments from strangers, but also brings the comfort and excitement of feeling baby kick. It feels like it's always a complicated mix of emotions :)

Hi all...I have been a "lurker" on this site since I lost my first born son to NEC in March of this year. He was born at 27.5 due to HELLP syndrome. Everything was great and perfect until he developed NEC when he was 27 days old and was gone in 24 hours. It has been a very rough few months as you all have lived. This site has been helpful to me even as a "lurker". Found out last week that I am pregnant again, only 4 weeks but optimistic. Will continue to check this site throughout this journey for advice and helpful tips for the whole, "is this your first", "are you having a shower" (because my son passed away before the date). I love the term gentle congrats and I wish that to all of you as well!

Gentle congratulations to you also K West and C.

C - just in case you haven’t heard this one before, I always liked “first at home” or, when everything has hopefully gone well, “one at home” was a good way of saying it. It’s subtle, but allows us to acknowledge our whole families.

How’s everyone going?

Been an interesting week...I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder impacting my thyroid that the docs believe was triggered by “severe emotional distress” from losing our beautiful boy earlier this year. I’ve been started on thyroid meds, as we’re now at higher risk of miscarriage. And yet, I feel...fine. Not sure if this is just my mind protecting itself? I don’t seem to be feeling much at all.

I'm now 36w3d and am scheduled to be induced Sunday night. I'm actually having some contractions already so I called off work. I think I'm mostly going to rest and kick count until I make it to Sunday. Emotionally I'm a bit of a wreck. Yesterday I started bawling at 5 and didn't stop until I let myself go to triage for monitoring. Even though I had had an appointment the day before one day without monitoring felt like too much.

Good on you Mom2htb - do whatever you need to. That includes taking yourself in to be checked out every second hour if that makes you feel better.

Best of luck for the coming days!

S, I'm glad you've got a diagnosis and hopefully a bit of a management plan. I definitely feel like sometimes I just don't have the capacity to feel anything more - don't know whether it's a protective mechanism, or whether it's the fact that my threshold for what constitutes 'bad news' is off the charts these days.

Hang in there, Mom2htb! I'll keep everything crossed for you.

Last week was Isla's first birthday, so I'm in the 'this day one year ago' mindset as I remember everything about her six weeks with us. At the same time, I'm also feeling drawn to start doing some more things to acknowledge this baby. A weird mix of not wanting things that seem presumptive (like maternity clothes that are also designed for nursing, or the OB suggesting we talk about breast pumps), but also deciding that I'm going to make a baby blanket for this baby (maybe a demonstration that I believe in her). So, you know, all the usual messed up mix of emotions trying to grieve and celebrate and do all the normal things in life at the same time...

Oh K West, what a jumble of emotions that must feel like. I’ll be thinking of you over the coming weeks.

I think you’re spot on by the way: my threshold of what constitutes bad news has certainly been reset this year!

All the best Mom2htb - I'll be thinking of you over the weekend.
S - I also have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism it was just found on some routine tests prior to my IVF. So I'm also on thyroid medication to reduce the risk of miscarriage. I would have to say I feel fine too.
I've also started panicking a bit now as I had two really severe bleeds in the first eight weeks from subchorionic haemorrhage when I was pregnant with Eleanor. They caused no other problems and Eleanor's death was nothing to do with that. I had sort of forgotten about it as the trauma later was so much worse but now i'm so worried that that will happen again. I have a scan booked for next friday which should be 7 weeks. I'll just have to wait and see.
K West - It must be so hard to manage all the emotions - I'm only at the beginning but already finding it difficult. I hope you feel you can make the baby blanket. I started one for Eleanor but ran out of time to finish it before she was born. I completed it while I was recovering - physically - for something to do. I hope to give to her little brother or sister one day.

Mom2htb

You can do this! It is a trying time and emotionally and physically exhausting time waiting for the day you get to bring that baby into the world and have them on your chest alive and well..

I have been absent for a while, but my babe came on the 21st of september. It was the most wonderful experience to now have my baby boy here with me.

Labour was emotinal, it hit me like a ton of bricks when he started to transition. There was no consoling me, the grief of losing my daughter came back in tidal waves while I was in labour. That physical pain triggered what has been pent up for so long. I was so vulnerable, but felt so safe with my husband and nurse by my side.

you can do this, sunday is far off, but it will be here so soon. Take care of yourself, get your nails done, take a bath, treat yourself to a new fancy shampoo. It is all worth it. And that babe will be here safe in your arms

I am thinking of you xo

Congrats to all the other ladies on here who have found out they are pregnant, this board and this site saved my sanity during my pregnancy, being here for one another and knowing there is always someone listening, though it may be a slilent listen as they read your post in the middle of the night, as we cope the best we can. this site provides that ear we need to face and have the courage to bring a baby into this world after what we have all been through.

Very quick one from me...

Still 05 17, I'm so so so happy to hear from you!!! What's his name? How are you doing a month into the (lovely, much needed) chaos? Hope you're ok.

Mom2htb, thinking of you and sending all the love and strength in the world your way. Keep breathing, you're doing this.

To all others, big hugs. I echo Still0517 words, there's always someone here to listen, keep reaching out.

Much love to all

His name is Preston. It's been a crazy month and loving every bit of it. Even on those fussy over tired nights. I wouldn't change a minute of it. Amazing how much my heart swells with love. It's hard though too. Because I didn't have these moments with his sister and makes my heart pain each day.

Momt2hb thinking of you today xo

That's wonderful news, Still0517! Welcome to the world, little Preston! Thank you for updating us and I'm so happy to hear that your little girl's brother arrived safely.

Didn’t know where else to go...

Just coming from first dating scan - looks like we’re not moving past the “just a little bit pregnant” phase this time. Just had bloods taken, will get update on hormone levels tomorrow, but our lovely new (and very frank) OBGYN is saying not to get our hopes up.

Hi S,
I am so sorry to hear that. I do hope that the bloods show a different story.
It ought to all work out this time after such trauma for all of us -it is just so unfair!
Thinking of you

KE

Oh S, I'm sorry.

Oh S, I am so sorry. Life can just be so unfair. I am thinking of you tonight and sending you strength and love.

Thanks everyone - no one else knows we’re pregnant(ish), so it was just a relief to be able to come on here and blurt out what had happened.

Blood tests came back showing hormone levels are still rising, so am now booked in for specialist ultrasound (yesterday was just our OBGYN) and another round of blood tests later this week. Size of everything doesn’t appear to be matching up with timeframes, so they’re still preparing us for this ending.

I’m so glad I have a holiday booked in next week!!!!!

Hi S,
I am so glad that's better news for you. Finger's crossed for the scans etc in the next few days.
I am also having difficulties now having started bleeding a few days ago. It is all terribly stressful and rollercoasterish! I'm having a scan at the weekend so we'll see what happens. Trying to stay upbeat but actually feeling rather bleak and hopeless.
KE

Thank you KE - I know what you mean. I’m feeling fairly disconnected from what’s been 48hrs of consistently bad news. Scans showed a tiny little heartbeat, but sac looks irregular and they’ve picked up what looks to be damage from earlier this year when we lost our son. They’re preparing us for this to end naturally in the next week or two, with some follow up procedures now being discussed to investigate the extent of the damage.

2017 is just not meant to be our year!

I wish you all the very best and I’ll have my fingers and toes crossed everything works out for you all xx

My daughter arrived Monday night after an induction at 37w1d. She is healthy and I'm recovering well. Thank you everyone for your support!

Congratulations ! It is so wonderful to hear such good news. X

That's great news Mom2htb!

Mom2htb - Congrats! It's so great to see such happy news.

KE and S - I'm thinking of you both during this tough time. Sending you strength and love.

KE - how did your scan go? Sending love and positive thoughts your way x

Congratulations Mom2htb! Wonderful news!

Dear S
Just come back from the scan despite the stress and bleeding all is well. So for now I remain a little bit pregnant. It is a great relief.
How are things with you?

That’s great news KE!

Positive news unlikely from me unfortunately - doctors have said we’re almost certainly waiting for miscarriage, which they want to occur naturally to prevent any more damage, and then some surgery to repair existing damage picked up in last week’s scan. Scan next Monday if nothing has happened by then.

Thinking of you S

I've been lurking...
Still0517, Congratulations on Preston!
KE, I am glad to read that you are still "a little bit pregnant."
S, Thinking of you!

I had an echo for my baby boy (who is now 23w4d) last Friday. They only did it because I had a congenital heart defect and they said this slightly increases the risk of a variety of congenital heart defects for my all of my children. I didn't actually anticipate that they would tell me anything. Of course, they did.

They said one of his valves is leaking. They explained that it is common for it to leak "a little," but that it is leaking, "a concerning amount." They told me which valve, but I was too surprised to really process what they were saying. Why would I be surprised? I know pregnancies aren't this magical, beautiful, problem-less thing. But, nonetheless, I was taken aback. And I didn't write it down. Turns out, it makes a fairly large difference which valve is leaking. Of course, it does.

So what can I do to help baby? Of course, nothing.

"We'll just have to wait and see." For seven weeks. Next u/s is mid-december. At least I have a growth scan today (due to hx of severe IUGR) so maybe I can ask a few questions about the leak today.

KE - That's such good news.

S - Keep us posted - I'm sure it's so terrifying to hear about unspecified damage at the same time you are dealing with this new loss.

Ruby's Mom - Sending you positive thoughts today and I hope you hear the most positive news possible at your scan. Waiting seven weeks for that kind of news sounds awful.

Ruby's Mom, I hope your scan today gave you some further information and you were able to ask some questions. It sounds very stressful to wait that length of time for any news. Sending good vibes for you all.

S, I've been thinking about you a lot in the past few days. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this and I hope they find some answers about any damage as soon as possible.

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts over the past couple of weeks. The scan today confirmed this time isn’t our time. Doctor will advise the course of action tomorrow. The scan also confirmed the Asherman’s syndrome (the adhesions), however they think it’s low grade. Won’t know for sure until the pregnancy tissues have passed.

We’re doing ok though, all things considered. As strange as this sounds, we were more worried given our past experience that this pregnancy might hold on and we’d have another end-of-second-trimester miscarriage. That was our fear.

We’ve restarted counseling, and just need to get through the next few weeks and get healthy again x

S - thinking of you. I hope you and your husband are doing okay. misscarriages are horrible little rays of hope that are taken away. I had one as well before I got pregnant with my rainbow.

Get strong get healthy and keep your head high. love each other gently and you can get through this!

Momt2hb, congrats on your little girl, I am so excited to hear she got here safe and sound.