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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > August pregnancy thread

I'm in the waiting room for my 26 week appointment and feeling massively triggered. With the insurance I have there are two hospitals in my city where I can deliver my baby and use my insurance. My son was stillborn at one so I figured I'd try the other.

I've been doing all of my appointments at a satellite office until today where I'm being seen at the hospital. I had to take an elevator to get to the office and there is a monitor above the elevator that displays info about the hospital on it. One of the messages was that they play "Happy Birthday" for 15 seconds every time a baby is born. And all I can think is I'd really really REALLY rather they didn't do that. I've heard horror stories of women laboring with their stillborns in hospitals that do this and they could hear the lullaby when other babies were born and then of course they didn't play it when their baby wad born. It just seems barbaric. I guess I have connections with my previous hospital.
August 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMom2htb
I lost my firstborn, my daughter Arlie Gray Owens on June 4, 2017 due to a "cord accident"- she was 6lb 10oz, 18.5" and had the most gorgeous dark hair, perfectly beautiful... I've been lurking on Glow since the earliest of days. I work in the operating room at a small hospital and will be returning in less than 2 weeks. Not only will I be participating in the care of c-sections, epidural placements and all things OB, I will also be hearing the lullabies ring out countless times throughout the day. When I was pregnant with Arlie, I squealed with excitement every time I heard the tune and since we lost her, it's one of the constant thoughts I keep having that makes me want to vomit. I wish I could give you advice on how to "survive" yet another dart that is thrown at the continuously grieving mother but I can't... I just wanted you to know I am right there with you, I feel the sting and I know the pain. May you have peace and comfort with your upcoming appointments. The only thing giving me those feelings are reading posts on Glow and being hopeful for the future. Lots of love.
August 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArliesmama
What an unnecessarily cruel thing to have to endure, Mom2htb. As if parents of a living baby need something more to help celebrate, or parents suffering loss need something else to make them feel worse. It's like all the pictures of smiling babies in my OB's office (who also specializes in infertility). I keep thinking that a significant percentage of the patients must find it upsetting. And those that don't, would probably be just as happy looking at pictures of puppies or sunsets or whatever. If only people were a little more thoughtful.

Well done on making it through a return trip to the hospital!
August 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterK West
Ugh Mom2htb, that just sucks. My husband and I both work in hospitals and this was the practice at the last hospital we worked at. I always felt so strange to be taking care of sick and dying patients, long before my own personal baby loss, with this lullaby song ringing out overhead. It is extremely disconcerting, inappropriate, disrespectful, and invasively insensitive. I think many people, including staff raised it as a concern and they no longer play it, thankfully. Definitely a relief for all parties involved (probably even the happy new parents! A little less noise pollution!). If you feel up to it, maybe leave an anonymous comment if you can-- healthcare these days is all about "patient satisfaction..."
August 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSteph M.
They play a chime/lullaby at the hospital that myself and my husband work at as well, they started it out of the blue, never consulted the ob staff at all, who are not in favor becasue birth it not always a happy tthing

worst part of it is, when you are in a patients room and the chime goes off they ask me - I lost my baby girl at term - what is that chime? and you tell them and they are all ows and ahs. I cant get out of the room fast enough, thats when all the personal questions are directed to me.

Its disrespectful for sure, it bothers me everytime. I was waiting for an apt to see my ob that other day and it went off in the waiting room where there was other moms waiting as well, they were all pumped aboutit, all I could think is how stupid? how can you be so naive.

Have to say though, Our hospital did ring the chimes for our baby at special request by my husband on the date and time of her funeral. Our respective units were made aware of what the chime was for. which was nice, but breaks my heart still.
August 11, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
The hospital where I delivered my stillborn daughter did this chime thing too. It was awful. I never went back and I complained to the patient advocate (about that and other things).
August 12, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAB
Hi ladies,
How is everyone doing....?
Sending strength and love to all
August 15, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGaby
Thanks for checking in on us, Gaby. Still just trucking along here ...
August 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterK West
Still doing well here. I'm on the cusp of 28 weeks. Anyone further along than me have any words of wisdom regarding kick counting? I'm finding it hard to be motivated to do them formally because I keep of thinking I can't do them constantly so I won't necessarily be able to catch something. I think I'm just going to go with my doctor's suggestion that if I'm ever concerned about movement to eat something sugary and if I don't feel a kick within 30 minutes give them a call.
August 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMom2htb
Doing okay here, getting restless and cant believe how time is flying.

we are 35 weeks today. less than three weeks to induction. I foudn out my ob will not be delivering us, which is very disappointing to me and angered me for a while, still angers me as I want someone there who knows me and my husband and my previous baby. Im going to see at my next apt if I can convince her to come and deliver us. May be selfish but I really want her there.

baby is doing well, he does have some fuid in his bowel on us, but can be the meconium that will be forming for his first stool or a bowel obstruction. they are just keeping an eye on it, if I wasnt getting weekly scnas we would never have known about it. glad I am getting weekly scans though they do set my mind at ease a little bit.

hoping to have an uneventful couple of weeks. we are in the middle of doing a reno. I think the weeks crept up on hubby fast. whereas me at home knew how little time we do have.

hope everyone is well
August 30, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
Hi ladies,

Me again, just checking in. How is everyone coping? The threads have gone a bit silent of late, which is fine if no one needs them! But if you do, please keep posting and one of us will always reply.

Still 0517, thinking of you... Let us know how you are.

Love to all
September 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGaby