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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > I called him Aiden

We lost our son, Aiden, in May 2016. I am fortunate to be pregnant again but having a hard time separating between the two pregnancies. I feel that I've gone back in time and its 2015/16 all over again. It doesn't help that nothing else has changed. Same job, house, etc. I've been trying to separate and make this pregnancy different by buying all new stuff and trying to plan differently but I still feel stuck. So much so that I called him Aiden instead of Noah (we named him early on so he would have a name while he is alive, no matter the outcome).

Any tips for separating the two? I feel guilty towards both my sons and I want to honor them as individuals.
August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJ&A's Mom
J&As mom, a gentle congrats on your pregnancy. This hadnt happened to me (yet) but something I read in one the pregnancy after loss books that's recommended here might help: If Aiden were here and running around and playing with Noah, and you called Noah Aiden, no one would think anything of it. You'd probably joke about it and laugh, chalk it up to being tired. Obviously, no one would think you were confusing the two children, they're completely different people, but a parent's tongue slips once in a while. And then this book also said, when it happens, think of it as a way that you remember Aiden, that it shows how much you miss him and long for him. Sending you a hug--I understand while you'd feel bad about it but these things happen, even when the babies aren't the same sex. And this book finished with: give yourself a break when you do something like that,, just be gentle with yourself, you're not confusing the children, your tongue slipped!
August 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAB
J&A's mom, I completely agree with AB! The name Aiden is so incredibly close to your heart, it makes sense that you would sometimes say it when talking about another person you love dearly. It sounds like you have done quite a lot already to recognize these two babies are separate individuals. Because I lost a girl and then had a boy, it was a little easier for me to separate my babies in my mind. I am sorry that I don't have any suggestions. But I wanted to say that, although I understand the feeling of guilt, I don't believe that you have done anything wrong at all!
August 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRuby's Mom