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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Struggling

Hi ladies, I lost my little girl just over 5 months ago she was our first child and its still very raw to comprehend everything that happened, at the same time I have this urge to be pregnant again and for us to have a glimmer of hope/happiness after such tragedy. I struggle with this daily, wondering if we were ttc again but the fear always wins I cant go through that again and knowing the new baby will not be my little girl. I would be grateful for any advice, how did you cope with making a decision?
August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJ
J, I'm so sorry your girl isn't here with you. For us, it took about 9 months before we were ready to try again. We knew we were ready when the fear of another loss seemed more manageable and when our desire for a living child outweighed the fear of another loss. Our rainbow arrived just 18 months after our loss--he can never replace his big sister.have you read Elizabeth McRacken's book? She explains it perfectly--I related to her perfectly. As she says, it would be too much to ask a baby to do that, but for us, as thrilled as we are with our rainbow, we will always miss his sister.
August 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAB
J, I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl. For us, we started TTC straight away. Ultimately we didn't end up with our rainbow conceived until 9 months later and this was a blessing. I wasn't mentally ready before then. But everyone is different and you should definitely just go with your gut and heart. If you aren't ready yet..... just wait. I got to a place where my grief was separate to the fact that I wanted to parent another living child. It doesn't cure the loss. It meets another desire.

I think don't force the decision making process and if you aren't seeing a therapist maybe that could help organise your thoughts and help you move forward with your decision?
August 5, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum