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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > PAL - Partners

Hello Ladies. I am nearly 13 weeks pregnant with (hopefully) my rainbow after losing my 40 day old son last December. This baby is the only part of my life giving me some hope and of course it is difficult at times, because we are grieving for our son so much. My husband is alienated from this pregnancy and very much disinterested. I know he is heartbroken and I am trying to be patient. He was extremely connected to our son, even bringing thank you cards to the maternity ward after we had him. Has anyone experienced issues like that with your partners? Thanks so much.
July 26, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCristiane
Hi Cristiane, I have not experienced this with my partner, though he doesnt realize how time is flying by and how quickly baby will be here. At the beginnings it felt like he was distant from the pregnancy, but it was when I started to show, when we had mor einvolvment with our doctors and family etc that he really came to life with this pregnancy. Now that we feel movement all the time, he is very involved and constantly talking and holding my belly

Husbands grief in different ways, give him a little time. It is hard on both of you. I lost my girl at term as well. bullshit is what it is, and he took it very very hard. he will come around.
July 26, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
Christiane,

Could it be the only way he can handle it is by pretending it's not real? Is he staying disconnected to cope - thinking if something happens it would be easier to bear? Perhaps just sharing how scared you both are and how you each need to handle it would open him up to the idea of connecting - if he understood that's what you needed. I don't know - just a thought. Wishing you peace and so sorry for your loss.
July 26, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKim
Christiane,
I am 18 weeks with my third baby, and we lost our second baby to stillbirth. My husband said he regrets being somewhat disconnected with that baby even, and wishes he spent more time touching my belly, feeling kicks, and learning about her. This time, I've installed a pregnancy app on his phone so he can keep up with development. We don't feel kicks yet, but I'll remind him to feel them when he can. But even I am really feeling disconnected as a way to cope, I just feel we could lose this baby too and maybe it's better not to get too attached. On the other hand, I think we should celebrate this baby while we have the chance, especially if we do lose her/him. It's so hard for everyone. Maybe as you start to feel movement, he may become more excited? But talking about how both of you feel is probably really important now.
September 28, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSteph