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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > TTC after csection

Hi everyone.
We lost our beautiful daughter at 41 weeks just 8 weeks ago due to a suspected group b strep infection. After 18 hours in labour doctors struggled to find a heartbeat and she was delivered by cesearean section but doctors couldn't resuscitate her. We are still waiting for PM results but doctors have said they are quite sure it will be down to infection as I tested positive after giving birth. Unfortunately it's not routine for GBs testing during pregnancy in the uk.
We are absolutely devestated and everyday is a struggle because we miss her so so much. Although we aren't thinking of ttc yet and are still waiting for post Mortem results my husband and I hope that someday we will have another baby join our family. I am just looking for some advice as our doctors haven't discussed this with us at all. How long were you advised to wait before ttc after a c section? Has anyone got any positive stories about pregnancy after still birth & c section or after losing a baby to infection? Xx
April 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJaneB
Hi Jane, I am so sorry for yours and your husbands loss. I do not have advice for the csection. though a friend of mine couldnt try for a while due to complications during the csection. follow the advice of your OB as they would know how your csection went and know when your body would be able to handle it.

thats unfortunate you had to find out about this infection after you lost your baby girl :(, here in canada everyone is tested each pregnancy.

lots of love sending your way
April 24, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
Hi Jane B, I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful daughter. I also lost my daughter at term due to a brain haemorrhage caused by birth trauma. I had to have an emergency c section and have been told that I must have a c section again if I was to have another baby. I had IVF treatment to become pregnant in the first place and the doctor who carried this out advised waiting at least 10 months before TTC again. This was to allow there to be 18 months between c sections.
I know that other doctors may say differently but I trust this doctor's opinion. However I lost my daughter only 5 months ago which is only half way through the wait. I am finding this wait very hard particularly as I am already significantly older than average new mums!
I am also in the U.K. and we waited about 8 weeks for the post mortem results. We are still involved in a coroner's inquest and investigations!
Wishing you love and peace xx
April 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKE
Jane, so sorry to hear of your loss.
We lost our son Samuel nearly 7 weeks ago. And I'm 8 weeks post emergency c section. We don't have any medical reasons yet for why Sam was born so unwell but I think it was my placenta as he was a low birth weight.
I've spent a lot of time trawling the Internet trying to find out when we when can start trying again (yes I know I should ask a Dr and not the Internet). I can't find an official answer but it seems all Dr's advise 12-18 months before trying again. I think there are medical risks from trying again quickly. I also think if a Dr told you it was OK to start trying before one year and anything happened to you or the baby we would say 'but the Dr told us if was ok'.
Even though I know it's a risk I'm still trying again. I know it's soon but I'm nearly 37. It took almost 4 years to conceive my first and nearly 3 years to have Sam (with 2 miscarriages in the middle), so time is not on my side.
I hope the post mortem results don't take too long.
April 25, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBeckie
I am so sorry for your loss...
I had an emergency csection after my son died due to a complete placental abruption in december 2014.
My OB recomended we wait at least 2 years before TTC, but after 6 months, when it looked like I was recovering very well from the procedure ( the uterus was healing very well, I mean) she conceded to 18 months... but I saw her again after 10 months and it was agreed that 12 months would be ok to TTC. I told her that waiting 18 months would make the due date very similar, and that I could not (psycologically) be pregnant during a december month.
In the end, I got pregnant about 18 months after the csection, and my little rainbow is now almost 2 months old.

Usually doctors recomend an interval of 18 to 24 months between pregnancies, independently of the type of birth. To give the body time to recover... the csection scar if it is not well healed may (MAY) lead to ruptured uterus or problems of the placenta adhering poorly... That is what I was told... It scared me enough to make me hold out despite my absolute obssession in getting pregnant again.
But my aunt got pregnant 3months after a csection, when she lost her first daughter, and her next baby was born healthy...

The best thing is to ask your doctors opinion, fully explained about all the risks so you can make your own decision...

April 25, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMarta
Jane, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter.
My son, Carter, died about 10 weeks ago. I also required a C-section; which was decided rather quickly. The OB was concerned about the perfusion to his brain and stated it would be better to get him out. I was 33 weeks.
At my postpartum appointment my physician said I could start trying at 6 months. She wants the scar to heal up until that point. I've read a lot of varying recommendations, I think it's really based on each persons situation.
My husband and I hope to give Carter a sibling one day. 6 months feels like forever to start trying but I definitely don't want to do anything that increases any risks. It's also probably good on the emotional side as well.
Wishing you peace in this difficult time. Sending hugs.
April 25, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJenna
Dear Jane, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet love. I lost my son Miguel 6 months ago due to placenta abruption. I had an emergency c-section. One of my obgyns said I should wait 9 months, the other one said 6 months after the C-section. I started TTC last month. I have read a lot about this topic and found out there are women who have had successful pregnancies after 6 months post partum. But it is better to hear what your doctor says. This was my second C-section and I am scared but I am trying to take care of myself, see my obgyn and the maternal fetal specialist. I am 42 years old and Miguel was a wished second bund of joy. I wish you the best for these months. It is not easy but slowly you will heal from the c-section. It is your heart the one that needs time to heal. I have an appointment with the Maternal fetal specialist on Thursday and can let you know what he says about TTC and pregnancy after loss.... keep on dreaming on your new pregnancy... I do it everyday. Hugs.
April 25, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMiguel Angel's mom
Hi Jane,
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so terrible, there just aren't words. I had a placental abruption and required an emergency c section. My doctors told me that I needed to wait before trying again for a year. Then, they said if I absolutely couldn't wait a year, 6 months minimum. It drove me crazy, I couldn't wait for that time to go by. But it turned out that my husband and I really needed that year to emotionally heal. We didn't end up TTC until it was two years after our son had died. And despite past fertility issues, we were pregnant on the first try. (We are still in shock about that, and I'm in shock that I'm now 18 weeks pregnant).

I would really recommend the year wait if you can swing it. Plan a special new activity for yourself and use it to help pass the time. I joined a choir and my friend in a similar situation started a ballet company. It's a physical, emotional, and spiritual chunk of time that you need to focus on healing and being kind to yourself, and your partner. I can hardly believe I'm saying this considering how desperate I was to start trying again, especially in the first few months after my son died. I was nearly addicted- researching everything everywhere, second guessing and questioning why in the world my doctors would dare tell me to wait so long. Every time I would get on the computer or pick up my phone I was looking for permission or reason to believe I should be able to try now. It was silly because my husband was nowhere near ready. But I needed the information- that process of finding the information is a healing process for me. Ultimately that was really good because taking the recommended time let me heal, my husband relax, and as he put it- great ready for another crazy roller coaster. We also had to talk through all that and it was good because sharing our different feelings and reactions to and ways of grieving helped us understand each other better, and love each other more. (Even though it was PAINFULLY difficult when he wasn't ready to try again, and expressed at some point he said if he didn't know if he wanted to try at all again (that about killed me) but then he shared it was because he was so afraid of losing me. We got to a point where he did feel comfortable trying again, though.

This is tough, tough, stuff. Make sure you always have somebody to talk with. My husband was usually pretty good about it, but we both certainly needed time to numb our brains out and not think constantly. Sometimes I needed to talk with somebody that was not him. He had some friends that were able to talk with him about it, and I know that was helpful to him. I had some friends who were great to talk to about it, but others that were not. I love my family dearly, but they simply could not handle talking much about my son, they do not do well handling emotional issues. It was difficult but I had to gently internally forgive those who I needed to be able to be there and talk, but they surprised me by not being able to handle it-I had to not push it on them. And I figured out who the 'safe' people were. Please do that for yourself. Finding this thread was a way I could find a safe place with people who get it. I hope it's helpful to you also.

I am so sorry for your pain--and the loss of your beautiful baby. I know how terrible it is. You are now part of a club nobody wants to be a part of, but I think you will find the group of baby lost parents will love and understand you in ways that only people in this situation can. Take care of yourself, and be gentle to yourself. It was a very hard but relationship building time with my husband- sharing our pain, grief, and learning how we each coped was difficult but ultimately made our relationship so much stronger.

Big Hug
May 21, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterapril