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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > 9 week miscarriage

I found out Friday that there was no heartbeat and had a D & C yesterday. I was numb over the weekend and thought maybe this would just be disappointing and I could handle this because it is nothing in comparison to the loss of our 15 month old son in December. Today it hit me hard, so hard it is scary. It is also not hitting my husband as hard and that disconnect is painful, infuriating, and isolating. I feel so alone, so beat down. Usually when I am having a bad day focusing on my two daughters helps a lot. It is not helping today.

I am 39 and don't have a lot of time to conceive so I feel the clock intensely. I hate today, I hate my life right now. I am so low.
April 11, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDenise
Denise I am so sorry for both your losses. I've been in that low place many times myself over the last few years, life can be so cruel and difficult. Know that you are not alone, try to take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself.

Sending hugs from London.
April 12, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShannon
Dear Denise,
I am so sorry for your losses!
I had a similar situation last year, but to give you a little hope, I have my little boy Rodrigo in my arms... he is not my small angel, who died at 34w nor my little Hope, who never developed into an embryo ...
It is hard to deal with these setbacks, or delays... they bring to the surface all our grief and uncertainties and fears...
Live each day, let yourself feel down when you need to, and live as normal as you can with your little daughters the rest of the time!
It is quite normal to have really bad moments, from time to time!

I wish you a quick recovery and I am confident everything will be as you wish it next time!

Lots of peace and calmness
April 12, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMarta
hugs to you
April 14, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
Denise,

I am late to this post but am so sorry for what you are going through. A miscarriage after the loss of your child is ultra unfair. I suffered a miscarriage after the loss of my 17 day old only daughter. It really set me back for a few months. I had my daughter when I was 42 and my miscarriage after 14 months of trying at eight weeks. The hope of having a third child that lives was holding me up. I am still hopeful but have started thinking that I will need to grieve the idea of a living sibling for my son. And that is just more pain.

It's all so hard and sadness on top of sadness. But I don't think you are too old and think you should keep up your hope until it's time not to. One thing I have tried to do is really follow my heart. I don't worry if others think I am too old or that it's wrong to want to grow our family. I am grateful for what I do have . That doesn't minimize my/our losses but I realize now that we don't all get what we want or need. There are so many here who have no living children. How I really wish the storks could deliver us healthy living babies and loss moms would be first in line. I'm thinking of you, hoping you are healing and hanging in there. Sending a hug.
May 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKim