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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Not sure where to begin

Hi All,

A few months ago I posted on the not TTC board about considering trying for #3. I have 2 sons, 2 1/2 and 10 months, here with me and have had 2 losses. In the past month we have moved across the country to help my MIL who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Within 3 weeks of our arrival she passed. Needless to say I was not thinking about getting pregnant, there has been so much to deal with and trying to help my husband through his grief that I didn't realize that I missed a period until several days went by. Even then I really considered that with all of the stress there was no possibility, however I have 4 positive tests now. I am freaking out. I was not prepared for a pregnancy at this point and don't get me wrong, I am thrilled, but terrified I will lose this baby. I don't know if my husband and I can handle another loss on top of everything else right now. I know this may sound completely crazy but I'm hoping this community understands.
October 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmily BW
Hi Emily. It sounds like this is an overwhelming time for you. I hope that you can find a way to take care of yourself in all of this. I am pregnant after loss and it has been comforting to me to see a therapist on a regular basis. One thing we often talk about is that it is okay to be scared, okay to be slow to bond with this pregnancy. Being pregnant after loss is just really hard.
October 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmily's mom
Thanks Emily's mom. I miscarried yesterday. I'm doing ok, not really sure I am processing what just happened but I am functioning which is good for my 2 1/2 yr old and 10 month old. Your suggestion is a good one but at the moment I am a stranger in a strange place and with no one to watch my kids. Hopefully I can do some meditation exercises which may help with connecting with whatever I am feeling.
October 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmily BW
I am so sorry for the loss of your pregnancy and for the recent loss of your mother in law. Life is cruel sometimes. You are in my thoughts.
October 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKim
Thanks Kim. I appreciate your thoughts.

Over the past couple of days I keep running into very pregnant women. At first I think, oh that will be me in a few months but then I remember I'm no longer pregnant. And it hits me all over again. This time I really feel like the whole thing was a dream.
October 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmily BW
So sad to learn about your new loss and the loss of your mother in law.

Scandinavian endo-girl.
November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterScandinavian endo-girl
Thanks Scandinavian-Endo Girl. I've been think of you and Miss S. I hope all is well for you.
November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmily BW