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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > All the feelings have come back

Hi All,

On Friday we found out that we were pregnant again just 6 weeks after our little girl passed away at 8 weeks old. We wanted to try again soon as we want to be a family and felt this would help us heal, not that a new baby would be a replacement of our little girl.

However today I have found out that it was a chemical pregnancy and therefore am no longer pregnant. This has hit me and my husband like a ton of bricks and has brought back all the emotions we thought we had just come to terms with. This is our 3rd pregnancy but still have no baby at home to cuddle although 1 very special girl in our hearts that we had some precious time with.

I understand it was very early days in this pregnancy which makes it easier to come to terms with but I just think we deserve a bit of a break now and wish life wasn't so cruel to give you a positive and then take it from you less than a week later.

This was our first month trying for a baby and I understood it could take some time to fall pregnant again but having known I was pregnant and now not it makes it even harder to continue trying. All we want is to be a family but it feels like the hardest thing in the world right now. Has anyone been through something like this, how do you gain the strength to continue? Did you stop all the monitoring, ovulation tests etc and just let nature take it's course? I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the process of falling pregnant again.

Thank you for listening.
September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCB
Hi
Firstly big hugs. Life can be very cruel and your emotions will be like a rollercoaster for a long time I'm sure. It is all still very new and hideous.
I have had a similar situation. My 9 year old daughter died tragically last August. I got pregnant at Christmas and saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks and then the next day the baby died. I didn't find out for another week and a half. I am now 18 weeks pregnant again so don't give up hope. I kept peeing on sticks and taking my temperature. Nature is good but science makes it far more accurate and you can save up those little swimmers (and your energy) for when they can actually make a baby. I'm 42 so time was seriously running out! - it may be that a break from trying is what you need.

I don't dare to hope yet that I will have a baby at the end. If you are younger then you will have a choice but whichever you choose remember you are still grieving so your emotions will be topsy turvey - mine are 1 year and three weeks on.

If we do have babies then I think that that will be another rollercoaster of mixed emotions to ride.

Wishing you good luck.
Anne
September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnne
Hello
Juust to say that you are not alone. We lost our baby boy at 34 w due to a hidden placental abruption, on december 2014. He was due to his 10-year older sister's birthday.
The consequent emergency c section made us wait for a year before trying again.
By march this we discovered our Hope was coming, but in april we found out she never developed.
But we are already pregnant, we pasted the first trimester, and are now nearly 15 w along.

It is a battle everyday to not compare, not be afraid of what will come, what the future holds... it is a day by day journey, with ups and big big sad downs, but one has to have faith that shit doesn't happen every time, pardon my french! .:)

I'm sure you will suceed, and I hpoe I do too!

On a medical point, my doctor recommended progesterone pills during the first trimester, not by necessity but as little extra help! ;)
September 15, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMarta
Hi CB,

I don't reckon that the fact of it being earlier in the pregnancy makes it easier really at all. I suppose that you had less time to settle into the hope, but the hope was there and then it was pulled right out from under you. I only just thought it was possible that I was pregnant for the past 3 weeks, and when I realized that I wasn't after all, it completely devastated me. It felt almost like losing my son all over again. I think that maybe yesterday, when I realized I'm not pregnant and that my dreaded period is coming has in a sense been the hardest day of all, since the funeral. So I can only imagine how you're feeling-- you and your husband. Hit with a ton of bricks sounds about right. I'm so sorry that you have experienced so much loss. My heart goes out to you. I'm also so so happy for the time you had with your daughter, all of it. The pregnancy (however long it lasted) and those 8 weeks. Bless your family. I too had 20 days with my son, and that time brings me such comfort, even in his absence. I completely understand that another baby would never take your little girl's place. It's kind of strange that we feel the need to always make that disclaimer-- even here, with each other. Im afraid of being misunderstood about that too.
For myself, when my husband is on board, I plan to let nature take its course. I had very regular cycles prior to this pregnancy and am often able to feel myself ovulate. It is easy for me to read my body without doing too much specific tracking. I also had a lot of success (a lot) with taking RedClover, Fenugreek and Saw Palmetto capsules to support my hormones and fertility. This time I'll take Maca too. And in terms of morale, I think that it is deeply personal and individual, but for myself I am so driven to be pregnant again and have another baby with my husband that I will try as many times as it takes. I'm certain that if it is difficult and results in other losses I will be gutted and will experience intense crises of faith and morale. But in my heart of hearts I know that I am the mama to a brood of chicks, and I will try until I have them. That is where I stand right now. I believe in your family too, with living children as well as the ones in spirit. I'm happy for you that your husband was ready to try with you soon after losing your beautiful daughter. Many hugs and courage to you both.
September 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCillian's mama