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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Something for fathers after stillbirth?

Earlier this year we lost our son. We have been ttc(I know this abbreviation because of my wife) since late July which was my wife's idea(which I support). After a no luck and my wife convinced she had pcs(not sure if that's right) since she ovilates 39 days something not at all and it runs in her family. As I tried to sleep in on Sunday she woke me up at 5am with a pregnancy test that said she was pregnant(we have done 3 since and all have confirmed). We are both super excited but still in the back of my mind I didn't want to go through all the heart ache again. I was wondering if there was somewhere I can talk to other fathers going through the same thing I am. Thought I was strong enough but totally broke down earlier while getting back into feeding her right and starting back up on the nursery which I was convinced was done until a few hours ago. It's been a crazy few months which feels like years, getting back on track financially, emotionally, and helping her get back to work and facing coworkers and friends.
September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wish I could say I knew of somewhere for dad's but unfortunately it seems you are forgotten about and often suffer in silence. I found out yesterday that I had miscarried with our first pregnancy since losing our litle girl. It hit me and my husband very hard and he broke down in front of me, I think this was due to all the emotions that a new pregnancy (or loss) brings.

I can promise you that you are not alone with your feelings and most dad's go through the same thing they just seem more reluctant to publically talk about it. Although many of us are women on here we can try and help you the best we can with our partners experiences.

The best advice I can offer is to talk to your partner and let her know how your feeling, she is probably having the same anxieties deep down and it will make you feel better for talking and you know you can face it together, not alone.

Sending well wishes
C
September 14, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterC
I too believe that there is ittle resrouces out there for dads which is so unjust as it takes two to make a baby. I have done alot of reading and found there was alot of support in the book

Trying again

it has a male auther who had a stillborn loss himself with his wife, and integrates this into the trimester support etc.

it was a good read for me and has helped me with helping my husband through the ttc process and will hopefully help with when we do get pregnant. I believe the pregnancy after loss website as well has a section for fathers as well.

hope this helps. gentle congratulations to you both.
September 14, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
Hi anon, I've found so good articles by bereaved fathers at Still Standing magazine and at pregnancy after loss support (their sister site)...but it's true there isn't a lot out there for dads....
September 15, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAB
Hi anon,
There's a Facebook private group run by a bereaved dad in the UK. It's not specific for pregnancy after loss, it's more a bereaved dad place. The owner needs to add you to the group, though. You'd need to log on to the sands forum to find it (or find me and I'll point you to the dad in charge). My user is Maia's mum.
Sending love and strength for your journey.
Gaby
September 15, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGaby