Hello Everyone,
My husband and I lost our daughter 10 months ago at 38 weeks and 3 days from a cord accident. I am currently pregnant again and plan on having another C-Section. My doctor and the specialist we met with both agreed to a delivery at either 38 or 39 weeks, we can choose. I am so torn because the baby loss side of me says to have her delivered as soon as possible-if she's alive that's all that matters, right? But the other side of me (and my husband), think it's best to wait until 39 weeks to give her that last little bit of time to develop. I've read online that babies born at 38 weeks can have problems with breathing, they may get jaundice, and may even be delayed developmentally. I don't know what to do. My doctor said that most babies born at 38 weeks do just fine, that the risks are low. I don't know what to do. If she is born alive but suffers developmentally because of me i'll never forgive myself. If I wait until 39 weeks and she dies i'll never forgive myself either. I'm so scared i'll make the wrong decision. Please help.

Ashleigh, that's so tough I'm sorry. It sucks that you have to think of these things...when do you have to decide? I delivered my rainbow son via planned c-section at 37 weeks. He's 6 months now and just fine. The docs were fine with that...yes, there's a risk of all the things you mention...I ask when you have to decide because we didn't schedule until I was 35 weeks or so...they kept very close watch (MFM and OB) and had said, the minute we don't like something, after 32 weeks, (I lost my daughter to placental abruption), this boy is out. For me, it was better to get him out sooner...good luck.

I don't have to decide anything right now. My doctor said I could even change my mind the day before my scheduled 38 week C-Section and she wouldn't care. I want so badly to commit to a date so that I have something to shoot for, something to hope for and look forward to, but at the same time I'm scared to commit. I want to be the best mom I can be and I am afraid of making the wrong decision. AB, you said your son is 6 months old now? Was he able to latch on to the breast okay? Did he need oxygen? Thank you for replying to my post!

Hi, I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my first son to a placental abruption at full term in 2011. With our second son, my doctor and I agreed on a scheduled C-section at 37 weeks. Unlike a cord accident, which I believe is a completely random event, a placental abruption has a higher risk of recurring and that drove my decision - I wanted to minimize the risk of recurrence. Babies born after 37 weeks are considered full term and any complications are generally very minor (my understanding). Mostly, the lungs could be underdeveloped and they could need some help breathing. (I know they can do an amnio to check for lung maturity ahead of an early delivery). In any event, our son was perfectly healthy when he was born and had zero issues breathing, latching, etc. He is now almost 3 and developing completely normally.

I know your situation is a bit different from mine. Whatever decision you make, I know you'd make it out of love and I hope you can be at peace with it. All the best!

Ashleigh, my son was completely fine. No need for oxygen. Breastfeeding is a challenge but not because he was on the early side. One of my nipples is inverted so he had a really hard time latching on to that one. I used a nipple shield on that side for a while. And then, I have pretty low supply in general...so he's about 80% formula fed. He's on the small side but growing and thriving and healthy.

Hi Ashleigh,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. We lost our son, Jacob, 4 months ago at 38.5 to a cord accident. We had an appointment the morning he died where he looked "different" but scored 8/10 on his bpp - excellent fetal health. If the autopsy report is accurate, he died within an hour of that exam. And because of advanced maternal age, I was well-monitored by regular OB and MFM docs throughout the pregnancy. I only give you this background to let you know I've thought a lot about a "next time" - which I'm really really hoping for.

Also, I'm a researcher by nature - and after our baby died, I tried using google as a magic 8 ball, a crystal ball, and a time machine. None of that worked out, of course, but I did find a few articles I'll be holding on to, hoping for an occasion to use them again. They both come down on the side of earlier delivery but that's just based on my individual circumstances. You and your husband will do what is best in your case, of course.

https://www.rigshospitalet.dk/english/news-and-media/news/Pages/2014/denmark-leading-the-way-in-reducing-the-number-of-stillbirths.aspx
http://www.preginst.com/case_study/case_study_6.html

Anecdotally, when I had our first, 7.5 years ago, my water broke on New Year's Eve. When I went in to the hospital, it was full of women being induced to get the tax break. When I asked about it, they said any woman past 37 weeks could be scheduled for elective delivery. That is no longer the standard of care (probably for many of the reasons you mention and I recently read something compelling about brain development between 37 and 40 weeks), but I doubt delivery decisions at any time, in any of our cases, would be deemed elective.

As Mira said, your decision will be made out of love, and that's all any of us can do. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, hoping for the safe arrival (whenever and however) of your little one.

Thank you guys so much for all of the advice! I really appreciate all of your kind words. Pregnancy after loss is so terrifying, I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing for this baby. Maeve, Will and Jacob's Mom, thank you for the articles! I already read through them and found them quite helpful. I hope that you get your rainbow soon.

Hi Ashleigh. So sorry for your loss and the decision you now have to make. I just wanted to pop in and say either week you choose should be fine. My two subsequent pregnancies after a loss due to an abruption were quite early. My son was induced at 34 weeks 3 days and my daughter was born by emergency c-section at 33 weeks exactly. They spent time in the NICU (2 weeks and 3 weeks, respectively). Both latched and breastfed the second they would let me. We had zero problems breastfeeding but it did take some work for me to produce milk. Neither child has any developmental problems. My son is 6 months ahead of his peers on language in fact. My daughter is fine but she is small for her age. I just wanted to give you living proof that babies born much before 38/39 weeks are totally fine. Either one you pick will be the right one for you. Personally though, if I had the choice, the sooner the better. I had trouble keeping babies safe though and they were better out. All the best!

Ejb, thank you for so much for sharing your story with me and for the advice. When I read or hear doctors says things like, "small or slight chance" I get nervous because I was that 1 in a thousand already and I don't want to be in that category ever again. I love hearing stories about how all of your babies thrived despite being born before 39 weeks. I feel so validated by all of you and am much more confident keeping my C-Section date set at 38 weeks. Like I have mentioned, I just want to be the best mom I can be to our angel Scarlett and our rainbow Penelope.

Ashleigh, I have two living kids. The one that was smaller, had feeding and jaundice Problems and needed an extra couple of days in the hospital was born at 40w6d! She was 100% ok after a couple of days and still is, now 6yrs. The one born at 37w4d had no problems whatsoever. I guess what I am trying to say - at 38 weeks, babies are generally considered mature enough to be born, and having one that needs a little help can happen just as well at 39, 40 or 41wks. I am sure your baby will be fine! I can understand the worry though. But I don't think that a birth at 38wks is risky at all.

I think the furthest I'll go is 37.5-38... I'm open to earlier if needed. I personally couldn't last until 39, but of course everyone needs to make their own decision. Because 37 weeks used to be consider full-term, I'm thinking anytime after this is fine... I think in my case, our exact delivery date will depend on pathology of the umbilical cord seen on ultrasound as well as how we're feeling about the (almost daily) NST results. I've actually talked to my doctors about delivering earlier too... If anything looks questionable after 32, we'll probably take this baby out... Hang in there. I know these decisions are so hard. I'm struggling SO MUCH with picking an exact date too.

I'm so sorry that you're faced with this decision.. I understand how nerve wracking it is. Our sunshine was born (water broke) at 37 weeks, and she was 7lbs. 11oz, 22 inches- no extra care needed and scored 9 on the apgar scale. She is a leader at school and has always been near the top of the growth curve. We lost our son at 38.4 weeks due to a placental abruption. I am now 35.1 with our rainbow son, and my doctor is inducing me at 37 weeks. The date can't get here quickly enough. I just feel that he's so much safer on the outside. I know the what it's weigh heavily- I am thinking of you!