Happy New Year, ladies. The Glow pregnancy community has been quiet over the past month. I hope everyone is doing ok -- I know the holidays kept me busy and I was not able to check in as much as I would like to. But here we are kicking off not only a new month, but a new year. I remember that in the first New Year after my daughter died, I found it to be surprisingly harder than Christmas... something about leaving behind the Year of Her, getting farther away and marking more milestones without her just made me feel so sad. It is not nearly as hard now, but that first year was tough. If it's the first year for any of you, my heart goes out to you. Hopefully this will be a year of great things for all of us.

I am currently at 32 weeks and have been particularly moody and irritable this past week. I think I am just feeling stress about how the rest of this pregnancy will play out. Everything has gone so well so far, just as it did the first time around for me only to end in sadness... as the end of February looms closer & I become increasingly more visibly pregnant, people are talking to me so much more about it. When I wasn't showing it was easier for everyone to just talk about something else, but now family and friends are more excited, asking me questions, conjecturing about gender, etc. Their excitement makes me feel dread -- dread at the idea of something going wrong & the devastation it would cause. It really isn't fair, because this is exactly the juncture at which I feel like all moms-to-be are entitled to some genuine excitement and dreams of what will be, but it feels like it will never be that way for us.

Aside from the irritability, I am experiencing acute heartburn, and also just fatigue. Those are the not-so-great feelings I have. But to balance that I am so grateful for every day that goes by when I can feel kicks and hiccups and other shenanigans coming from this critter. If you are with us this month, how are things going for you?

AB, thanks for checking in at the end of last month & giving us an update. The way you describe feeling with Arthur is exactly how I envision that period after birth -- total bliss tempered by longing and sadness for what was missed the first time around. I hope you are settling in & just letting the feelings come as they will. Shelby's Mum's observation about returning to counseling is a wise one. I have taken a break from my therapist over the last few months, but I am getting ready to line up at least a monthly visit with her starting now. I am a little fearful of that avalanche of recall. And the weight of everyone else's expectations can feel crushing at times.

Well, looking forward to hearing some updates! Be well everyone!

Li - I have not been back to Glow much in about a year and on and off before then anyways... so I'm not sure if you remember me. I wasn't really a part of the Fertility Dreamers group, though I posted there a few time and had read about your blighted ovum craptasticness and your sweet puppy. I just wanted to jump in here briefly and say how overjoyed I was to see your name on the Pregnancy thread!! Like, holy WTF, that's fantastic, WTF so fantastic?!?! I had to read back in the history and see that it is indeed you! You came here earlier than me after loosing Marlo, and I didn't post anything until I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first rainbow, but I remember so many of your beautiful, poignant, compassionate, and heart-breaking posts. I remember Marlo. And I although I have not sent you anything, I know about and have seen pictures of the knitting tree and her garden. So again, I am dropping in w/o any news of my own and just saying how thrilled I was to read you are 32 WEEKS ALONG!!! Seriously awesome news. You have helped so many women on here. I hope this is finally your time to have your rainbow.

In case it helps to remember me, our son died when he was 5.5 weeks old after being in the NICU then hospice due to his lymphatic system not developing properly. He died in August of 2012. It took us 16months to get pregnant with him and I had 5 months of help at a fertility clinic. We were fortunate that we jumped right into the same methods that worked with him and they worked again, to get pregnant with our 2 rainbows.

To all the rest of you mamas, I wish you all the best. I wish you smooth, easy, and event-free pregnancies with screaming little, snuggly bundles at the end. I want cry just writing that, because I know how hard the road is and I know the pain of loss still doesn't go away.

It's so lovely have this community here.

Thank you for starting the thread this month, Li. I hope that things progress uneventfully for you!

I am just past 11 weeks now, and going in on Wednesday for my CVS to check whether this baby has viable chromosomes. If I make it to the February pregnancy thread, that will mean that we are probably going to bring this baby home.

I can hardly imagine what the rest of this month will look like. It is like having a giant train headed this way and waiting to find out whether it will miss me this time.

I'm 20 weeks along with my 3rd child. Our daughter died in 2014. We just told our oldest living daughter and she is thrilled. We also just told our family. I can still hide the pregnancy under baggy clothes but I'll probably pop in the next few weeks and then it will definitely be the topic of discussion at work and in the neighborhood. Not really looking forward to that.

I wish I could go into a cocoon and come out with a baby. Sigh.

Hello Mammas,
Thanks for inviting me over to the thread, Li, and thanks to all who keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

AB- Congratulations on the safe arrival of baby Arthur! I was delighted to hear your happy news.

Burning Eye- Nice to see you on this thread! Unfortunately, I have been feeling morose and anxious too, like you were feeling in one of your last posts. Hoping you're feeling more happy and at peace today.

For those who don't know I'm 28wks along w/ my rainbow and have a living 3 year old. Our second son died after 37wks gestation in 2014. I noticed decreased movement, had an emergency C, and he lived 3 days in the NICU.

Lately, I have been worrying about whether this baby's movement patterns are normal. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid because of what happened with our last baby or not. I am going to start kick counts today. I am so scared of losing this baby too.

Also, I found out at 19wks, I have placenta accreta, where the placenta attaches too deeply to the uterine wall and can even invade other organs. I read maternal mortality rates for this condition are around 7% but my doctor says as high as 10%.

I am scheduled to deliver March 4 by c-section followed by a hysterectomy and if anything else is required they won't know until they have me opened up. Surgery following the birth is expected to last somewhere between 4 and 12 hours.

I told my husband yesterday I think it would be better to die than survive the loss of another baby. He said, "Better for you, maybe, not for us."

Anyway, I'm going try to enjoy the moment, stay positive and strong as much as I can.

Wishing all you mammas the best. Looking forward to reading about your journies. And love to you all and to your little ones.

Li, thanks for starting the thread. I get you about the irritability of all the pregnancy aches and pains! There is nothing idyllic to me about being pregnant. I hope you're still feeling good movements and hiccups from the baby.

Jessica, I remember you and Griffin, too. You must have come to Glow a little before me. It's always nice to hear from people I feel like I know. Thanks for stopping by.

JM, I hope things go well on Wednesday. When will you get the results?

Idealist, I wish there was a cocoon, too. I've been public with this pregnancy since about 14 weeks (even then it was hard to hide, I'm one of those people who shows pretty early), but people don't talk to me as much about this pregnancy as they did before. Maybe it's because it's our third and so me being pregnant isn't "new" anymore. Our first was the first so we talked about being pregnant all the time, and then Joseph died, and with my second everyone wanted to check in and see how I was doing and show their support (I *really* wished for a cocoon then!). Now it feels like the attention is more on Margot, our 21-month-old, and less on me and the baby. Which is fine by me.

Em, I'm sorry you're feeling anxious about movement patterns. I was definitely very attuned to Margot's movements in utero, because Joseph died after several days of less movement and I didn't know it was anything to be worried about. I can't feel this baby much yet (I have an anterior placenta, which muffles movement sensations), but I know when I do start feeling more, I'm going to be anxious about what's "normal" for this baby. Are you going in for more monitoring yet? Would that help put you at ease? My midwives had said they could start monitoring more closely at 28 weeks (though we didn't start BPPs until 32 weeks, and I read that the baby's movements don't start being regular and reactive until about 32 weeks anyway).

I had my first nausea-free day yesterday (at 21 weeks), and today wasn't so bad, so I'm feeling hopeful about that. But in its place, I'm having hand numbness and tingling (apparently carpel tunnel syndrome from all my blood swelling my limbs) and really bad and painful varicose veins. I kind of freaked myself out when I discovered the back of my knee was swollen and worried about blood clots, so I went to the doctor today. The good news is they don't look dangerous, just "normal", and the bad news is that there's not really anything I can do to alleviate the pain and swelling that I'm not already doing. So yeah, really wishing for that cocoon right about now… a padded and weightless and warm and cozy cocoon with constant foot-massaging.

I hope today was okay for everyone. Today we are pregnant.

Thanks for the well wishes! Baby measured large and looked good today. It was very active! We have to wait about a week for the cvs results, but no news today is good news so far.

Em--I have been thinking about you. I really hope everything goes well with your delivery and operation. Hopefully when the time comes you will be going into your surgery knowing that you have a healthy baby waiting for you to wake up!

Idealist--yes to that--I want that cocoon too.

Well for my own selfish reasons, I am glad you are all not in cocoons! :)

Wow, Jessica, it is nice to be remembered! I remember you too. It is so nice of you to stop in with kind words. I am so happy that your path has brought you to two subsequent babies, and I hope your life is feeling good. I never would have survived those early days of ttc without the trusty Dreamers thread of that era on Glow. And I am happy to say that I am still in close contact with many of those wonderful women outside of Glow; they continue to be a great support to me. And as for the knitting tree, what are you waiting for, mama? I will be launching the effort for 2016 submissions very soon! If you are on FB, find the page at https://www.facebook.com/Knitting-Tree-788768387852230/ , or shoot me an email! knittingtree@hotmail.com. I had just been saying to myself how perhaps this year, it might be a little overwhelming to take on the installation with a new baby. But I recently spoke to friend/fellow BLM who forewarned me that much of my world would be expecting me to be "over" Marlo once this new baby arrives. I imagine that sadly, this is true. So I thought about it and am now even more determined to make it happen and in truly spectacular fashion. So the more the merrier, hop on! I would love to have something for Griffin in there.. and that goes for the rest of you mamas too.

JM, I did the CVS test with my first pregnancy; it seems particularly cruel that the results can take from 7 - 10 days to materialize. If I remember correctly I got the call in less than a week, so I hope it goes quickly for you too and that the news is good. I will look for your update & hope you're feeling good. Nice that you had a glimpse, it is always so cool to see how active they are, especially at an early stage when you cannot yet feel them in there, raising hell.

Idealist, I love your "handle". It totally flies in the face of this reality, and it makes me smile. There are days where I wouldn't mind a cocoon either, but honestly, I am actually trying to relish each day of this pregnancy since it is such a gift and will probably be my last in this life. That said, the "talk" part of it is what I find the worst. the other day my mother accused me of "nesting behavior" which just made me cringe. Leave us alone, world, don't you think this is hard enough already?!

Em, so glad you have posted here! I totally get that the ordinary banter of pregnancy worry may not always what be what you feel like hearing, knowing the gravity of your situation with the placenta accreta. But please know we will always listen & do our best to support you. It sounds like your medical team is on top of this, and though the plan may seem daunting, I feel like having the benefit of mental preparation makes a huge difference in our coping abilities. All the best to you and sterkte! that is strength in Dutch.

Burning Eye, days without nausea, yay! Yes, it truly does hang around for some of us longer than others. I hope it is truly getting ready to leave you alone for the rest of this pregnancy. I have carpal tunnel in my left hand and it is super painful, as I am a big crafter/sewer/knitter. I have never experienced this before and went to acupuncture to try to alleviate it... no luck though. Just sticking with icing it when I remember it, and this awesome stuff called China Gel. As for the legs and veins, it has been one of the hardest physical things about this pregnancy for me. While it is winter, go for the compression stockings! Two words: LIFE CHANGING. After I started wearing them, I had WAY more energy and slept better at night. If you buy them, stay away from the Preggers brand, they are way over priced (almost $80) and you can throw them out after two weeks. Here is a link for a surgical supply website that I found some awesome compression leggings on. Do not underestimate their power, I am not kidding. http://www.discountsurgical.com/

AFM, the daily physical discomforts are status quo at this point; just trying to mentally wrap my head around becoming a mother to a living child. I am praying it will all just come naturally but my head is just full of worry that i won't be able to hack it somehow.I should be able to manage this, but why am I so anxious? I sleep hard at night, but it feels like my brain is so crowded with dreams and bizarre pop music [that I don't even recall hearing in my waking hours]; often I wake up feeling even more weary from all the places my head has gone during unconsciousness. Is this weird? Does anyone else have this? Had an OB appt yesterday... starting weekly NST's in two weeks. Coming down the home stretch!

Over and out, I am heading off to a nice relaxing soak in the tub. Cheers, all.

I'm bombing this thread again, sorry!

Burnhing Eye, I too remember you and your Joseph as well as all of the lovely writing and posts you've contributed to this community. I'm so happy to hear you are doing well again with your third. I wish you all the best with this next one. I'll slip in here to see how you and the other ladies are doing as your due dates approach.

I wanted to chime in on the compression stockings. Totally agree with Li and I got the same brand she did. I hated wearing them under things and often didn't wear them during the day to work, though in these winter months maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but they were great around the house and at night. My leg varicose veins weren't painful exactly, but I got vulvar varicose veins that were terrible. Nothing could seem to help them other than rest and having my body horizontal. Sorry if TMI. Even though the ones in my legs didn't really hurt, the pressure was weird and I surmised that the more I could prevent them from getting worse, the better off they'd be after delivery. I hope you give the stockings a try and they relieve some of the pain.

JM - happy to read that the scan looked good. No news is good news as you said so far. I'll be waiting to hear about the karyotype.

Hugs, peace, and love to you all!!

BTW, Jessica, I also wanted to say that I am pretty sure craptastic is my new favorite word.

Still waiting on test results. I'm so anxious I can hardly get anything done at work. I hope you are all well!

A dying girl. The end.

Oh JM my heart is breaking for you. I came here with such high hopes following up to see how the test results were and I'm just floored. I am so so sorry. It's not fair and it's so cruel.

JM, no! I was just coming by to see if you had heard anything yet.
This is so terrible and unfair. Please know we are here to listen and support you. My heart goes out to you tonight, mama. Tears.

JM, my heart hurts for you. I am so incredibly sorry. I hope that you are able to grieve in whatever way that you need to and I hope that the days pass as gently as they can for you and for your family.

JM- One word, unfair. I'm so sorry.

I had a dream last night that I bled all over the bed and everything. Strangely, I wasn't sad as much as resigned to the inevitability of terrible news. Is that what we have all become? Someone remarked on my "handle," and yes I want to be that idealist and believe that no matter what terrible things people go through, good times ARE ahead. I'm not one of those annoyingly cheery people. I bitch and moan a TON, but deep down, I have that idealistic intuition and most of my bitching comes from the fact that life doesn't match the same idealism that I think it should.

If I ruled the world.... I'd love all the girls...

JM, I am so, so sorry. I know those words do nothing, really, but please know, like Li said, we are here for you.

Thanks for your words of support everyone.

"Life doesn't match the same idealism that I think it should." True. I feel like I have the worst luck in everything. We all deserve better.

And I'm glad I can come here where people at least understand what this is like. Though I wish that none of us understood what this is like.

I'm so angry that we don't get to live the normal lives we expected. It feels like it must be so easy to be the kind of person who has multiple living children and no dead ones. I can't even fathom.

I just want to use a sharpie to write DEAD BABY DEAD BABY over and over again all over the wall. At least it would show people what the inside of my brain actually looks like.

Oh, JM. My heart goes out to you. I agree with you and Idealist. Life just doesn't match up.

I used to be a much happier person and considered myself a lucky person, a little ray of sunshine, really. I am not the same person. I wonder if many of the people in my life can see how much I've changed or how much they care to pay attention. I still count my blessings but I no longer live under the illusion that I have some magical connection with the universe which will prevent terrible things from happening to me. Now, my darkness has depth. Now, I believe I have very little control over things. Now, I feel like life deals out tragedy and beauty all mixed together and if we can find reasons to continue to live and be hopeful, that is a wonderful thing. Now, I struggle to stay optimistic and I resent people more than I used to. I've been frequently disappointed by others since the death of our son because I feel like they acted insensitively or didn't even try to reach out to us.

Ug. Just yesterday I met with the anesthesiologist and had to, once again, tell the story of our baby dying to someone I had just met. (I feel like this has happened a lot since we transferred care.) And I see this, even in some of these "medical professionals": their mannerisms reveal a certain reluctance to process what they are hearing, and I'm like, shit, think how hard it is for me to live with and have to explain to yet another new person, "No, I don't know why he died. The doctors don't know why he died. . ." Honestly, I doubt God knows why he died. I don't believe in a master plan. Terrible shit happens.

Anyway, in other ways she seemed like a very nice person, patiently answering all of my questions, honest, and kind. But I broke down crying after my husband and I were in the car. She had told me I shouldn't have the epidural for baby's birth (followed by the general for hysterectomy) because it lowers blood pressure and she suspects I'll have a lot of blood loss due to the MRI results which suggest my placenta has invaded my abdominal muscles (something my surgeon hadn't told me). And I wanted so badly to see my baby before they put me under. So they plan to pull my baby from my unconscious body. I'll have two big IV's in each arm, and a large tube inserted into my jugular vein in my neck (these they'll put in while I'm still awake to hopefully minimize the amount of time baby is exposed to the general anesthesia). Also, I'll need to be on a ventilator (tube down my throat, won't even be allowed to breath on my own: whoa). The scary news goes on but I'll stop. Basically, I'm scared of leaving my baby and toddler with out a mommy. And every little moment when I haven't felt the baby move, I'm scared he's dying inside me and I'll still have to face this life threatening operation. And I am trying, yes, to be optimistic.

JM-
Sorry I went off about my own woes so much in my last post: needed to vent all that. I am so sorry to hear about your beautiful baby girl. Thinking of you both today and sending you Love. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Thanks Em. I understand why your situation is scary, and I have been thinking about you. I really hope you will wake up after the surgery and have a very healthy baby waiting for you. That is absolutely what you deserve.

JM, I just popped by to see how you are all doing and I am so sorry to hear your news. It is shit. I can't believe the universe would deal you such a crappy hand. We are all here for you. Hold on mama and keep breathing xxxx

Em, thinking of you. The risks are scary but the reward is mighty. Big hugs honey.

Thanks, everyone. I am glad to have this little community where you all know what I'm going through. I hope this doesn't increase anyone else's anxiety about a current pregnancy.

I am having my D&C tomorrow morning, poor little girl. If only there were a way to just keep her forever.

I will keep checking in to see how all of you are doing. It's probably good for me, too, since I get angry about every other pregnant woman I see now. That doesn't extend to you guys. We all deserve it after what we've been through.

JM, I am glad you are staying in touch with us. It is a hard thing not to just withdraw completely, but if any one gets it, it's the folks here at glow. I had to have a D & C after my blighted ovum a couple years ago, and I know it feels like adding insult to injury. So much to reconcile with already, and then on top of all that, a medical procedure. I hope the folks who are taking care of you treat you well & with compassion, and I also hope that someone will be looking after you in the days that follow. I will be thinking of you. It is so sweet and giving of you to worry that this would increase anxiety for any of us. Don't even give that a second thought. Just do what is right for you and vent in whatever way you would like to here.

I have been thinking in general about the unfairness of not just losing our babies to begin with, but every other kind of struggle that follows... from basic grief & longing to subsequent pregnancy -- or, even just what it takes to get there in terms of emotional fortitude, fertility issues, etc. Wtf? we are not just denied our sweet babies, but are also robbed of the simple carefree excitement that accompanies most "normal" pregnancies. I feel like I have taken it relatively easy on myself through this pregnancy, but it has been a careful balancing act of keeping the blinders on tight, resisting panic, anxiety, people's stupid and unthinking comments, and my own vivid imagination. I know that "life is not fair" (thanks, to the geniuses in my life that have reminded me of this in the last few years; really??), but, can I just say it? It's not fucking fair. You want to be able to overcome your struggles and just move forward, positively, but it is just. So. Hard. And that's if things actually go your way, which often, they do not. I am sorry if I sound whiny, but when I really get to thinking of the loads we all carry after baby loss, the more I am just floored that any of us are still standing at all. And yet, here we are.

Em, your description of the surgery you will be undergoing blows my mind. I know there is probably no measure for the trepidation you must feel... in the spirit of our collective strength here, I pray that you will go into it feeling utterly indomitable, and emerge on the other side of it to a beautiful baby, and an overjoyed family.

Love to all of you.

JM- I was just stopping by to see how everything is going for you ladies and I saw your news. I am so very sorry. We have all experienced enough heartbreak for 2 lifetimes. It seems that the women on this site should get a free pass for all future pregnancies. I wish that was how the world works. I am just so sorry, Momma. Sending love to you and your sweet baby girl.

Em, I'm sorry for all the scary things your doctors are telling you that you'll have to go through. I'm sorry you won't get to be awake for your baby's birth. I hope they are also giving you encouraging news about the safety and success rates of these kinds of procedures (though most of the time statistics don't really comfort me anymore). Do you have a date for delivery and the surgery? Will your spouse get to be there for the birth part?

I also used to feel that magical connection with the universe that somehow prevented back things from happening. I hate not having that anymore. It makes me feel so lonely, so at the whims of nature. Never really safe.

JM, I hope your D&C went smoothly and you are able to be home resting and grieving as you need to. I can easily picture a whole wall covered with your sharpie'd words. I often wanted to wear a t-shirt after Joseph died tat said "My baby died", so that I wouldn't have to explain, and so everyone would know I wasn't walked around being normal.

Li, you must be getting close now. How many more weeks?

We had our follow-up anatomy scan. Baby was basically in the same difficult-to-scan little curled ball. They eventually got all the angles of the heart they needed, and we got a few cute fuzzy 3D pictures. Baby was very wiggly and twisty, which was good to hear them say, since I only feel little wiggly movements most days. This baby is not a kicker. I guess baby likes to be very cozy. (Of course there is a slight worry that I just can't get out of my head that something is wrong with the baby being curled up all the time. Even though the ultrasound tech and the doctor seemed unphased.)

My nausea has gone away enough that I'm ready to try no medication. Unfortunately, my circulation and swelling is still a huge discomfort. I'm feeling really angry today about the carpel tunnel numbness and pain. It's interfering with all the things I love to do, including making exercise tricky (I have to do so many modifications in yoga), and I can barely get down on the floor and play with Margot because I can't put weight on my hands. I'm sure even picking her up is exacerbating it. I just barely have any moments where I can get any enjoyment out of this pregnancy.

My sister was in town last weekend and asking about my birth plan (she was there for both of my previous deliveries). I realized I'm just really not ready to think about it yet. Part of me has the fantasy of going into labor naturally, since I never have, but I don't know what the future holds, and it feels safer to just fall back on a scheduled induction.

How are the rest of you doing?

hugs to all, and stay warm if you're in all this east coast snow!

Thanks, Burning Eye. I'm glad to hear your scans look good so far. Are you on the east coast? I'm near DC and we are hunkered down hoping the power stays on.

I would have gone for one of those "My baby died." shirts after Jack died.

JM--I'm so sorry that you've had yet another loss. As Ruby's mom says, we should get a free pass on subsequent pregnancies...I hope you and your family made it through the storm ok (I'm in DC too).

Em, I've been thinking of you and sending lots of healthy vibes to you and baby. That surgery sounds scary, I hope you both come out alive and healthy and thriving.

I hope you're all well otherwise. Have been thinking of you all and stopping by once in a while hoping to see news. We're all well and adjusting to everything slowly. Big hugs to you all.

Em- I just wanted to echo something that you said (paraphrasing) "if its hard for you to hear what happened to me, just imagine what it feels like to go through." I feel like I've been more bold about talking about my "dead baby" now that I'm pregnant again and people are always so shocked and uncomfortable. It pisses me off. I feel like people just want me to be happy because "now I'm pregnant again" without realizing that the possibility of the birth of one healthy child doesn't replace the dead one. AND being pregnant brings back all the memories of the dead child. I can't escape it and I don't want to. My daughter died. Thats a fact. I held her lifeless body in my arms. No one should have to go through that.

But I hate that you also have to worry about your health and well-being in this process. I hope that you will find little rays of sunshine in this crappy medical community and you will have folks around you who love and support you through this process. Have you thought about having a doula? I know you're having surgery but it might be helpful to have someone be a buffer between you and the medical professionals.

Last day in January: wow.

Hope all are doing well and Thank You to Everyone for thinking of us and sending positive vibes.

Li: Almost time for our February thread, eh? TIme is moving fast for me. It is awful to dread my baby's birthday but I sometimes do because I am afraid of what might happen. "utterly indomitable," yes, I hope I can go into surgery feeling this way. Am working to prepare myself mentally: reading a book on the subject and ordered some sort of postitive imagery cd. Trying to feel less anxious. . .

Burning Eye: Hope your pregnancy is progressing well. How's the carpel tunnel?
The date set for our surgery is March 4th, baby will be 37 and 3.
Back in late Dec., when we scheduled, the surgeon miscounted the days thinking she had scheduled us for 36 and 4. Oops! Hope she's a better surgeon than she is mathmatician. :o) Usually they don't want you to go past 36 with accreta due to the risk of going into labor and massively hemorraging. The doctor doesn't want to move the date up now because her schedule is full but assures us she's available if we need her in an emergency. My thinking is, March 4 may work out well since long gestational periods seem to run in my family and could give baby a little longer to put on weight and develop lung maturity. Also, I'm not looking forward to the surgery, so it might give me more time to prepare. . .
And to answer your other question, my spouse won't be allowed to be present for the birth but hopefully will be able to see the baby soon after? Of course, we're hoping and praying for the best.
The whole notion of a "birth plan" seems a bit insane to me now since I've had to throw my plans to the wind in both previous pregnancies and in this one too, since I had planned to deliver with a different doctor halfway across the country before I found out about the accreta.

Idealist: The doula idea briefly crossed my mind but we have so few options in this type of a pregnancy. I don't know how much support a doula could provide. My sister's friend here, is a doula, I think, so maybe I'll just talk with her and see.

Love to all,

Hi Em,
I keep checking here for you and am glad you and your baby are healthy and hanging tight! March 4th is not far! Keep breathing, Mama! I think of you and your family and pray you are all well and have peace! I'm so glad you came over to the great support of this thread!
Love
Jen (AdiaRose and Imani's mom)

Jen,
It's nice to hear from you again.
Thank you so much for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Em