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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > A little bit too much

Today two close friends of us had their baby daughters. That I could handle quite well and I could be happy for them. But tonight we've got the message (via what's app chat...) that my brother will be father and saw his little one for the first time on the US-screen. That was when my tears started to fall. My emotions went from happy to sad to angry in a few seconds. I was totally unprepared for this. I didn't even know they are trying. Here I am 4.5 years after we skipped bcp, 13 month after our twin boys milo and tiago were born at 22 weeks and left us because it was just too early for them, after several rounds of IVF and still with empty arms.
I love and miss my boys so so much.
October 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterK
Hi K,

My brother's wife did the same thing to us - a photo on facebook of their 12 week ultrasound announcing their pregnancy 8 weeks after my still birth last year.
Unfortunately a lot of people don't see past their own front door when it comes to problems and hurting people. It's been a year and I cant forgive them for being so callous but I've tried to block it out - I rarely see them so don't have to think about it too often.
My best friend is also just around the corner from having her first child. She has been my rock for the past year and a half.
I think how I've reacted to pregnancies and babies since David was stillborn has very much depended (in hindsight) on how the people involved supported us during the past 18 months. The people who empathised and comforted, I was happy for their pegnancies and babies but the others... well, I've essentially cut those people out of my life by now. As another woman wrote here, if they can't be there for the tough times, they don't deserve to be there for the good times... kind of my new mantra since I read it.
I totally get your happy-sad-angry. I hear you.
October 29, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDavid's mum