search discussions

glow in the woods

front page
the archives
what is this place?
the contributors
comment policy
contact

Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Natural Delivery After Loss

Hi, All,

Hoping for input on those who planned or had a natural delivery after a loss and what methods were preferred.

For a little background, my second daughter was stillborn last year. With my first, I had a vaginal delivery with epidural and had a very positive experience. With my second, I had hoped for a drug-free birth just because I felt confident I could do it and had a friend who had an amazing natural birth. I was planning for that until I learned she was stillborn, at which point I requested an immediate epidural (like many of us). I'm now pregnant with my third and considering my options. I still want to try a drug-free birth because I felt deprived of that last time. However my worries are 1) we may induce (TBD closer to end of pregnancy), which means pain may be elevated and 2) the emotional load may be overwhelming that I wonder if I'll be in right frame of mind to handle physical pain. Then again, maybe focus on physical aspect will help me manage through emotions.

With my daughter who died, I had planned to have a doula but otherwise didn't plan for any particular method. I just read a bunch of books. This time around, I don't know that I'll have a doula as I'm not sure if I'll go through with the drug-free birth, even if I hope to now. Kind of want to leave myself room for whichever. But in hopes that I do have one, I'm considering a birthing class like hypnobirthing (or something). I'm just nervous to be around too many non-loss moms who won't understand the unique aspects of my situation. And while I'm natural leaning, I'm not too far on the hippy spectrum so would want whatever birthing method we explore to not feel too far.... "out there", for lack of better way to say it.

Anyways, input from those who tried for natural birth, particularly if you also had induction? Any method resonate particularly with loss situation? Thank you!
July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne
Hello Suzanne,

My suggestion would be to just go with the flow. I did a hypnobirthing class with my first baby (my living daughter now 5 years) but ended up with an induction, epidural and finally natural birth after a very long labour. Hynobirthing techniques were so useful throughout the whole process.

I lost Shelby 2 years later and again used my hypnobirthing techniques to have a natural birth without an epidural (I did have morphine though).

For my rainbow son I had the drug-free natural birth I wanted and it was something I was very glad I did, it restored faith in my body and was a wonderful experience.

I am pregnant again and due to the size of the baby I am quite certain I will have an elective C-section but hypnobirthing techniques can be used here too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I totally would give hypnobirthing a go, it is useful for every birth situation. But then leave yourself open to whatever path your birth takes. If you nmeed drugs, take them, if you want an epidural, have it, if you can do it without either, do that. But don't feel as though you have failed or let your baby down because you chose a path different to what you thought you wanted.

On induction, I've heard they are much more successful when it isn't your first baby and I know many women who have had drug free inductions so it can be done. However I would just cross that bridge if/when it comes onto your path.

Whatever you choose will be right for you and your baby. All the best! x
July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum
I have not had a rainbow baby, but was induced for my stillborn son and did not take an epidural until I was about an hour away from pushing (it took 17 hours from induction). Like Shelby's mom said, being open to whatever happens is probably your best bet. With my first son (who is now 6), I was hoping for a drug-free delivery, but ended up having to be augmented and took the epidural. It really helped to be able to sleep and re-charge and be ready for pushing. My second son was quite big (9 lbs) and I had a drug-free vaginal birth. L&D was much faster the second time around and I had gone into labour spontaneously. I found the recovery post-partum easier after the drug-free birth (but it was also my second delivery).

I would say, hypnobirthing or any other techniques can only help. One thing I will say is that my experiencing with some hypnobirthing proponents is that they are very pro keeping everything positive. One teacher I met ones always wore a "no bad birth stories" pin. It was really upsetting. There is a bit of a culture of "positive vibes make for positive births" which rubs me the wrong way. When things go wrong --- it's not about your attitude, as we all know. You may want to speak with the instructor in advance of the class to make sure they will respect your experience and your loss.

All the best on your delivery! xox
July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterR
Thanks Shelby's Mum and R. Good idea to maybe talk to an instructor ahead of time and see if the class setup would be a fit. I would be really upset if there was a "no bad birthing stories" requirement. While I get the point of that for those who haven't experienced a loss and want to stay confident and positive, I have experienced extreme trauma and me pretending like it was roses would tick me off big time. And it will be part of any future birthing experience for me.

I totally plan to go with the flow when/if the day comes. I had a good experience with epidural first time and it completely did let me rest and recharge, which helped me push for 3.5 hours w my first! Without it, I might have ended up in a c-section. My stillborn daughter was induced and went fairly quickly overall, probably because she was my second. So I'm hopeful the third would also go more smoothly and allow me room to have a natural birth, if I decide I want one.

Appreciate the great advice and glad to hear hypnobirthing was helpful for you. :-) I'll check it out.
July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne
Suzanne, I wanted to write and thank you so much for starting this thread, and to thank Shelby's Mum & R too.

I don't have a natural birth after loss experience to share - my son Zephyr, my first born baby was stillborn, and I am just a few weeks off giving birth to his little brother. Many of the things you wrote of have been on my mind, swirling around, feeling confusing, overwhelming... I too would like for my birth to be as natural as possible, but have similar worries of how I'll be able to cope. As Zephyr died at 40 weeks, in early labour, I'm also scared of trusting my body, and allowing nature to totally take it's course, if we'd have to wait til 40 weeks with this little one.

Shelby's Mum it was encouraging to hear you talk of how your son's birth helped to restore your faith in your body. I need a bit of that!

I guess, though I don't feel I have much to offer to help you out as you make your choices Suzanne, I just really wanted to say how good it is to be here with you, and others who understand. Reading of your thoughts and feelings has helped my to tackle and confront some of my worries... Thank you, I hope that sharing here has given you some clarity and comfort too.

Thinking of you all x
July 29, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZ's Mum
Hi Z's mum,

Good to hear your thoughts and concerns. We are all with you. I am sending the best of wishes for your next delivery. I am not sure if yes but I did the WYG course and think we might share that in common. I recognized Z's name so thought maybe so (but wasn't sure). Anyways, best of the best to you, you are so in my thoughts and very best wishes for near future. I hope you report back on how it all went.

XO
Suzanne
August 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne
Hi Suzanne, yes, I was on the WYG course!
I got so much from doing that. It was another mum here that told me about it in the first place. Do you still write much? Or share your writing on the FB page for alumni? I did for a while, but stopped - early on in my pregnancy with pod, we learned that he very ill, and it looked like we were going to end the pregnancy. It's complicated, but at that time I guess I just felt like I needed a break from grief writing.

And as for natural birth, well we'll see... I'm 37 weeks now, and feel petrified, but want to hold onto my hopes for things to happen as naturally as possible. But definitely with a go with the flow attitude, at the end of the day, I just want him to be here healthy and living. We've booked an induction date as well, as Zephyr died at 40 weeks, and I just really don't feel I can go that far with pod.

Let me know how you get on x


If you want to be in touch - growingwithout@hotmail.com - it'd be nice to chat more.
August 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZ's Mum