Haven't posted or been on glow for along time. I'm about 6 and half months out from loosing my beautiful boy Chet. I had been traveling fairly well, back into work and life but the past last few weeks have been incredibly hard. Mothers Day was a very tough day I knew it was going to be tough but it actually was incredibly tuff. I drove out to my son's resting spot and sat at his grave and sobbed my heart out.

I've currently 10ish weeks pregnant with my second child my rainbow. I'm not sure if I'm extra emotional than usual. I'm not one to be effected by hormones bit I think it's my grief and also dealing with alot of people in my life that have been hopeless, unaware of my needs/feelings and basically just shit at being there for me. I'm really feeling really alone. Even though I have a beautiful caring husband that loves me very much, he's very busy with work.

I'm self employed and business has been a bit quiet lately too so I'm finding myself at home alot on my own and thinking and feeling even more alone. I've also stopped the gym since I've been pregnant sounds horribly lazy. Firstly I was paranoid about my heart rate levels and than just winter and energy levels...so I think I feel shit about myself for not working out which would help with my metal state releasing indorfans. But I went for a walk along the beach today and cried my eyes out on the drive there and back so go figure.😕

I'm also hating people....like I could erase about 10 people out of my life very easily. People shit me.....the silly things people say drives me insane to. I'll name afew see if anyone else has this said to you...and that's what I hate too about loosing a child is all the shitty horrible things we have said to us and all the awkward situations were put in.

So did you name you're child????
Ahhhh yes he was a baby a human you twit.

Will you use you're babies name for you're next child???
No I'm not replacing my baby thank you....

Ohhh there's lot's more.....people drive me insane...is anyone else feeling so irritated by people???

Rant over sorry thanks Glow x x x

Lauren do not feel alone- I am coming up to four months since my gorgeous baby girl Eva left me. I would also describe myself as not affected by hormones etc but since losing Eva my grief has overwhelmed me a lot and I often feel like crying even though I would be having what I would describe as a relatively good day. But what I always try to hang on to is that we are allowed. And if we didn't have moments of sadness on this journey we would not be human. I do not know your story but I also hope to have another baby soon. I can only imagine that early pregnancy with a rainbow is a very emotional experience, something that I wish for with every fibre of my being, but something that scares me as well. As for people- well some of them haven't got a frigging clue what to say and it just shows how ignorant they are when they say things like what you have said! A lady said to me the other night 'well this is better than the alternative' WTF?! Better than having my baby girl with me?! It is safe to say I will not be speaking to her again!!!!!!! I hope you can find some peace Lauren. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love xxx

Lauren, I'm so sorry to hear how alone you feel. It does sound like some people are horribly insensitive. My son died 3 years ago and I have a rainbow baby girl who is 2. It sounds like your two babies will be close in age as well, which brings out a lot of stupid questions from people (as you've found).

Don't let yourself feel bad for being irritated by people who don't even try to understand. Ditto to Eva's mom.

Thanks Ladies, oh it's nice to jump on here and understood even though we all don't deserve to share just a tragedy of loosing our precious babies.
Yes my rainbow will be 13 months younger that breaks my heart to knowing how beautiful it would have been. Eva's mum I hope you have your little rainbow soon. I'm very happy about the hope of my baby and I hope you can have that to. JM that comment to you was very hurtful and stupid. God people really have rocks in their head....yes I think irritated is an understatement...

I'm also doing a cull of people, starting to realize quality over quantity. Going to just worry about myself and my growing baby.

Thanks for the comments ladies x x x

Lauren,

I am sorry that you are feeling so raw right now. And I am sorry that people feel the need to ask you absurd questions. I am sure we can all relate.

Every single time I tell someone about Ruby, they feel the need to ask, "Is that what you were going to name her if she lived?" And I blush awkwardly and have to explain that we hadn't yet decided on a name before we lost her because we didn't know that she was a girl until after she died (they couldn't tell during the ultrasounds because of the low amniotic fluid). For some reason, this question always makes me feel ashamed that I didn't somehow already know her name while she was still inside of me.

And then I remember that the questions they ask aren't really about me or Ruby. People don't know what to say, but they also don't know how to be silent and still, so they just say the first thing that pops into their heads. And, too often, the first thing they think of is hurtful or is just pure nonsense. I am sorry that the people in your life don't know how to just be quiet and be there for you.

Thanks ruby's mum. Yes people just are inappropriate and silly and stupid. I guess we just can try and not take it to heart or make them feel stupid.