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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Finding Community (When things with baby have gone crazy)

We've had a rough go of it the past few days. Baby has been doing some crazy things, making mama nervous and sick.
Last night, in a need to escape the solemn, sad environment of my house I went to a girl's night my friend was hosting. We painted our nails and ate cheese cake and talked about life. My friend who was hosting it, her hubby is also gone. She knows the sting I feel of my man being gone for more days than he's with me. Another woman in attendance, a mutual friend of ours whom I didn't know really well, shared the story of her stillbirth. She lost two babies: a son and a daughter. Her daughter lived for 10 weeks in the NICU, her son born still. I knew about her daughter, remembering vaguely hearing about her girl in the NICU, but never her brother. One of the other woman talked about her adoption that had fallen through, and the pain she felt over losing that baby.
I gathered courage from their stories. I laid my hands on my growing belly, not voicing my fears about my own precious babe and the loneliness I feel at his father traveling so much during my pregnancy, but somehow feeling heard and accepted by these women.
I think that's what Glow is. I think we all just want a place to be heard, and understood.
So yeah, things are crazy in my pregnancy right now and I've had feelings of thinking this will be another loss. And I'm terrified. and it's hard and I've cried more today (but maybe that's just the hormones).
And I need community, and encouragement, and support.
Any words of wisdom for this worried mama?
May 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEmily C.
Emily, you made it this far and that is amazing. Your baby is so lucky to have you for a mom- you risked your heart again, knowing what you know. You have so much courage, you have everything your child needs from you right this minute- courage and love. God bless you and your sweet little ones.
Love,
Jen (AdiaRose and Imani's mom)
May 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJen
Emily,

I don't really have any words of wisdom, but I will say that it's inspiring for me to hear about your pregnancy. I know that may sound weird since you talked about how much you're struggling, but you are pregnant again and you are surviving. And that gives me hope. I'm about 3 months out after my son was stillborn and starting to feel a little more ready to try for a second. Reading stories from loss mamas who are pregnant again shows me that we all have this bravery and strength we never knew existed. And even though we never wanted to be tested like this, somehow we all seem to make it through the day, loving all our babies. So I just wanted to send you some love and light and to let you know that I'm thinkig of you.
May 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDebra
From one Emily to another Emily,

First, good for you in posting this. You asked for what you needed right now. I often hope that somehow things will just happen and I won't have to explain what I need, doesn't usually turn out the way I would hope.

It's so scary being pregnant again, isn't it? Each day battling thoughts like maybe something is going to happen and everything will fall apart again. Will I make it? Will my marriage make it? Will it change me? Will I have enough love? But you show up. Just showing up is enough. When things really overwhelm me and I start to feel alone and scared and small I start by just thinking of what I can do that moment. Usually it's just get quiet and be grateful for today. Sometimes it's eat a bunch of pudding. But you are really doing it already and know you're not alone. I have bawled my eyes out on the shower while my entire house was full of relatives because none of them could relate to a single emotion I was feeling. I longed to be alone in those moments. I've also bawled my eyes out in bed when I just wished I had someone to give me a hug.

So much love to you Emily C.
May 15, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEmily BW