This is such a strange time for me.

This past Thursday, April 23, was my due date, the day I was meant to give birth to my three beautiful sons Orion, Hunter and Archer.

I just found out that a lovely friend I made during our pregnancies just gave birth to her triplet boys on Thursday! They came early, at 32 weeks, and their birth date is so poignant for me. I have been invited to go see them in the hospital, and I think I am strong enough to do this soon.

Thursday was also my last day of taking Clomid, as it has now been three cycles since my boys were stillborn, and we can try again in just a few days.

I am grieving the loss of my three boys on their should have been birthday, celebrating the birthday of my friend's three sons instead of mine, and hopeful about trying again this cycle, inviting a new life in.

A strange time of paradox - sadness and hope, tears of joy and sorrow.

Thinking of you and your three boys Jacqueline, I've said it before but I really do love their names, Orion, Hunter (for obvious reasons) and Archer. The due date was a particularly hard milestone for me too. I don't think I'll ever forget that date: May 5th. But now I have a new date I shall never forget: April 30.

Sending you strength as you continue your journey through motherhood.

Shannon.

Due dates can be the worst....especially the first year. Mira's obituary came out on her due date....Labor Day. Double whammy.

You are a strong Mamma going to meet triplet boys so soon. Leave early if necessary, cancel, or hug them all up....do what works best for you.

Ttc, as you know, is such a roller coaster. Perhaps seeing those boys wil give you hope.

Hang in there mamma!

Thanks Shannon, you have been so kind and we have the lovely Hunter connection.
Why do you have the new upcoming date of April 30 to never forget? I am sorry I don't know that part of your story. Thinking of you as that day approaches xx

Thanks KO, I feel like I can be strong with others for a short time, then come home to my safe little cave to process and feel deeply. Thanks for reminding me I can always cancel or leave early if I need to, it will be quite something to see in the flesh a reflection of what my life could have been. Just seeing their photos brings up so many mixed emotions...

Yes sorry I just realised how vague my comment was! April 30th 2014 is the day I gave birth to Hunter....I had gone into labour naturally that morning and was at the hospital. I was planning a pool birth and everything was going really well until the final hour...his heart stopped beating but the midwife who was monitoring me didn't pick up on it and even when she did, she didn't respond fast enough and by the time we realised it was a problem, he had already died. I gave birth to him at 2pm and my family, husband and I held him for hours afterwards. He was perfect <3