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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > 38 week date set

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and we had a really good ultrasound. She is growing on target and nothing looks alarming. I had an emergency c-section with my son, after what seems like a placenta abruption during labor stopped his heart. So, we will be doing a repeat c-section and just scheduled it at 38 weeks and 3 days. (Mostly so I could coordinate the OB and pediatrician that I wanted).

I have the option to take her out at 37 weeks but because my OB is on vacation that week, I opted to wait a few more days. I'm looking for any positive stories at having a c-section around 38 weeks!
February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea (Timothy's Mom)
I don't have any insight to share but I was just curious how far a part your pregnancy's were between your emergency c-section and this one? I'm asking because I lost my baby after an emergency c-section as well about 5 months ago and I'm thinking about trying to conceive again... I don't know if my next (knock on wood) will be a scheduled c-section or try for a VBAC but I guess it depends on the pregnancy, spacing, etc. I'm just curious to hear others experiences with subsequent pregnancy after loss. Sending good vibes for an uneventful next 10 weeks for you and a healthy baby!
February 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey
Lindsey- Thanks, I hope it is uneventful as well! We waited 6 months and were very fortunate to get pregnant the first try. Because I was pregnant for 41 weeks, my OB wanted my incision and body to heal for six months. If I wanted to VBAC, she recommended 9 months. But, since it was agreed that I would have a repeat c-section, I decided that I was comfortable with six months. They recommended that I continue to take my prenatal vitamins as well.

I've found that I have to make sure my husband and I are both comfortable with each decision we make. I was heart broken when I was told 6 months, but after awhile, I was grateful for that time to just grieve my son. I also had to stop looking online for information and go with the doctors who I trust more. There's just so much negative stuff about c-sections and it started to make me feel bad for wanting another one. I'm just convinced for how my body is, and how it labors, that a c section is safer for the baby and for me.
February 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea (Timothy's Mom)
Chelsea,

First, let me say how sorry I am that you lost your son Timothy. I love the name (it's my husband's name, so I may be a bit biased).

My first daughter, Brianna, was born by emergency c-section at 25 weeks, 2 days...she was sick (had an infection that she contracted from me) and the only hope of saving her was to deliver so early. It didn't work and she died during the surgery...very traumatic for me and my husband. That was in August, 2010.

Since then, I've had 2 rainbow babies born healthy and alive. Our second daughter was delivered by scheduled c-section at 38 weeks, 3 days in March 2013. She was a healthy 8 pounds, 1 ounce. She's about to turn 2 and such a wonderful toddler. Our son was also delivered by scheduled c-section in November 2014 at 38 weeks, 5 days. He too was very healthy and weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces at birth. He's now a healthy and happy almost 4-month old.

I had gestational diabetes in both of those pregnancies, which is a huge reason why they were delivered by c-section. V-BAC never was an option for me, so I never really worried about it. And my kids are doing great.

I won't lie, the recovery from this last c-section was a lot harder than the recovery from the other 2. Not sure why other than I did lose more blood this time around and became slightly anemic. Also, the scar tissue from the first 2 c-sections made this last one a bit more difficult for the delivery...nothing bad for the baby, but they had to do a vertical incision on my uterus to get to the baby safely and get him out. Because of that, I was advised to not get pregnant again...the risks outweigh the reward of having another baby. With a vertical scar, the uterus is weaker and the possibility of uterine rupture is much greater...and that is something that could kill me and any baby I'd be pregnant with...not worth leaving my living children motherless in my opinion, even though we'd like one more.

But, 4 months out, I'm back to work, my kids are healthy, our family is doing well. We will always miss our firstborn and I really wish she was here as the big sister. But, we're all adjusting to this new life as a family of 4 that is really a family of 5.

Good luck with getting pregnant and I wish you as much peace as possible during this time.
March 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMandy S
Chelsea,

Thanks so much for your reply. I actually JUST discovered that I am pregnant. It has been almost 6 months since Olive was born so we actually conceived around 5 months out. I was definitely not ready before that as I also needed to (and still need to) heal physically and emotionally. I am of course still recovering on both regards and I am excited but terrified. I'm also wondering if it was stupid/irresponsible of me to not at least wait one more month or even 3-6 more months. We have an older daughter who will be three this summer so that has also weighed in on our desire to try again sooner than later. I didn't think we would actually conceive on the first month we didn't prevent so in a way I'm a little stunned. Maybe it is meant to be? I'm just nervous of course that something will go wrong again and embarrassed about being pregnant yet again, all these emotions that only other mamas like us can relate to. I am guessing we will have to do another c-section due to the timing and if so, maybe it is best to have that decision made for us because I might be torn on what to do. Ultimately, we just want a living, healthy baby! Again, it is so early (like 5 weeks) so I have no idea what will happen but I'm hoping for the best because I just don't want anymore pain.

Again, best of luck and I look forward to looking back and hearing your positive birthing story!

Lindsey
March 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey