I know that some of you have had due dates for rainbow pregnancies line up with the due date for your missing babies. Would you mind sharing what that experience was like for you? If (BIG IF) I get pregnant this cycle, the due date would be very close (at least based on LMP, although my cycles are apparently a little wonky, so it is possible that the due date calculation would change by up to a week). I am trying to decide if I should pause TTC for the month. I don't want to pause, and my husband doesn't want to either. We are so eager to have Ruby's sibling. But I want to know what other people have experienced to make an informed decision.

Hi Ruby's mom, I can't offer advice since everyone feels so differently, but I will share what it felt like for me. Our son was born on 7/22 and died on 8/29. I didn't really consider how a new pregnancy would line up with those dates because I wanted to be pregnant immediately no matter what. We had to wait just a bit to TTC and when I miraculously got pregnant on my first cycle of clomid the due date was 9/1 or 9/2, I can't even remember now. All I knew is there was a possibility that she could be born the day that our son died. I really didn't focus on that for quite a while since we had genetic testing to get through and we were still so close to our loss - I got pregnant 4.5 months after delivering Griffin, so ~3.5 months after he died. Going through the same holidays and big calendar days being just behind in the rainbow pregnancy that I was with Griffin was hard and surreal. I think if I hadn't been pregnant though, they would have been harder. We knew at christmas that I was pregnant, and christmas the year before was when we announced the pregnancy to my in-laws in a very fun and cute way. That first christmas after I didn't even go see them or celebrate in any way and my husband only went for a couple of hours. Mother's day, father's day, my birthday, etc. were again very surreal. Mother's day was probably the hardest because I really saw how a year of our lives was just sort of cut-out. I was almost in the exact same place I was the year before as far as our family goes, yet so much had happened and I was so lost. I refused to go out for brunch again that year with my in-laws and thought they were crazy for thinking I'd want to meet at the same place we did the year before (mainly because it's 1/2way between where we both live but regardless, why would I want to go there???). But again, if I wasn't pregnant I think that day would have been even harder for me. At that point we knew our rainbow didn't have the genetic anomaly that our son did and we knew I was carrying a girl, not another boy. I was scared sh#$less the whole time though and could go on and on about the difference in gender that so many struggle with or find comfort in, or both like I experienced. In the end my OB was 100% on board inducing me at 39 weeks, 8/26, so that we could probably be out of the hospital even before that dreaded anniversary on 8/29. I thought I would be a mess. I thought I would just be a sobbing puddle leading up to that date and living through it all. However, I have learned that you can't predict how you'll feel through all of this. We were mostly numb. Extremely and overwhelmingly numb. I broke down when we first got to the hospital and in the room that we are pretty sure I delivered Griff in. But after they moved us and I got comfortable with our wonderful nurse, and my OB checked on me and got things rolling, we just sort of coasted through it all emotionally. I don't think it all hit me until a week or so later. I was in such awe that we actually got to bring a living child home and we now had this little bundle to care for 24/7 that that's mostly what I was consumed with. Awe. Numbness. Disbelief. Shock. J-O-Y.

I have to run so sorry if this is scattered and very free-form. Wanted to respond. Good luck sorting through your feelings and I know there's others that have faced close/similar time-lines.

Hi Ruby's mum, I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with my rainbow and due to give birth a few days before my son's birthday/anniversary. At the moment I find the closeness in dates comforting. I'm not sure how I will feel at the end, a mixture of anxiety, intense grief and hopefully joy. All I know is that I want to be back home for the birthday/anniversary, as being in the same hospital exactly a year later would be truly awful for me to bare. And I'm sure my ob will do everything possible not let that happen. Good luck ttc, whatever you end up deciding about the dates. Remembering your Ruby with you. X

I am pregnant with my second rainbow (39 weeks) and my daughter's birth date is Feb 12, so it was possible this little one could have safely come on that day. I was relieved that Grace still has the 12th all to herself. I would wait if possible to avoid having the dates line up.

My first son was born on June 30th 2013, he passed away two weeks later. I fell pregnant 3 months afterwards and my second son was born on June 20th 2014. His due date was june 30th... Really crazy to have the due date so close to the birthday of his older brother. I actually liked it... It made the anniversary of my first borns passing sting less.

Thanks for the input! I didn't realize that there were responses because I think I forgot to click "notify me of follow-up comments." We decided to go ahead and try because we have been waiting for so long already that we don't want to delay anything. It seems very unlikely that we will conceive this month anyways, given how frustrating this process has been. And now after reading these responses, I feel more certain about the decision.

Jessica- Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! "I have learned that you can't predict how you'll feel through all of this." I think this sort of philosophy is why we ultimately decided to TTC this month. I can only brace myself. I can't guarantee how I will feel any month. So why put off TTC based on the assumption I will feel worse if I get pregnant this month. Maybe I would feel worse because the dates all have such meaning now. Or maybe it would make those dates less painful if everything went well in the pregnancy and I delivered Ruby's living sibling. I can't predict how I would feel.

Karen- A gentle congratulations on your rainbow pregnancy! I am thankful for your input and I love hearing that you find the closeness in dates comforting. I hope that you are able to deliver this baby where you feel comfortable and I am glad to hear that your OB is supportive! Thank you!

Grace's Mom- Thank you for your input! I appreciate your feedback and I definitely understand your perspective. I am glad that Grace got to keep her day to herself. I am sorry that I didn't see your msg sooner. I hope that the end of your pregnancy went/is going smoothly!

Ash- Thank you for sharing! If (fingers crossed) this is my month, I hope that my experience is similar to yours. I hope that I would find that it comforting to be pregnant during the painful dates.

I had the same concerns the whole time we were TTC. I really worried it would make the next pregnancy more stressful or somehow less enjoyable if the dates lined up too closely. I'm sure it's different for everyone though. We found out we were pregnant again in January. My cycle is like clockwork, so if I'm just a few days late, it's a pretty safe bet.

But yes, the timing does still feel a little strange. Not in a bad way. Just oddly similar to the first time around. We're nearly 13 weeks along now and it's been far from easy. We had a scare over Valentine's Day weekend where I was convinced I had miscarried because of some bleeding and I was too stubborn and scared to go to the ER right away, because I didn't want to re-experience those same feelings and experiences we went through when we lost Parker in July 2014.

Eventually though, an ultrasound a few days later restored my faith. Sharkbait, as in finding nemo, was still super tiny (I like to give our babies nicknames until we know if we're having a boy or a girl. Parker was Minion as in Despicable Me. Purple Minion when he'd make me puke). Barely six weeks at the time and yet the ultrasound could show us his/her heartbeat just flickering away.

I took it as a sign not to give up so soon and live in fear this entire pregnancy. Losing Parker remains the worst thing I've ever had to experience. I still worry about Sharkbait and history repeating itself, but it's getting easier just to enjoy the pregnancy. We're a long ways away. We're not due until October (Parker was due in November, but born stillborn last July), but so far I feel like we're in the best place possible. We see our OB every week and I'm relieved to hear Sharkbait's heartbeat each and every time. We're gonna need a cerclage procedure done, but oddly enough it's almost a relief to have the added security of knowing my cervix is literally being sewn shut to help improve our chances of avoiding another preterm birth. I have a much less stressful job than when I was pregnant with Parker. Still a social worker, but in a hospital in Hawaii vs. doing child welfare in Washington State.

All these changes seem to help make me feel like this time around will be different. Above all, I think about Parker often and thank him pretty regularly for looking out for his little brother or sister. I know we'll always be "high risk," but I try to stay hopeful that things will be different this time around. It's still scary, but I'm hoping the joy and excitement continues to outweigh the fear and doubt. Definitely an ongoing struggle.

But at the end of the day, I say feel how you feel. Do what's best for you. There doesn't seem to be any one way to go through this. All the best to you.