We had a cardiologist appointment yesterday which did not go well. This baby is showing signs of the same heart problem that killed our daughter. I can't believe this is happening.

We had a great anatomy scan last week. The perinatologist thought everything looked perfectly normal and was so convinced that the heart was developing properly that she moved our cardiologist appointment up by a few weeks so that (she said) we could get some reassurance. Well, that's not what happened. This baby's heart malformation was described as "mild." But it typically progresses and since Bea's heart issue wasn't discovered until 22 weeks it could have been "mild" at this gestational age too. We have a follow-up in two weeks and until then there is nothing to do but wait. For now my husband and I are clinging to hope that our little boy may have a variant of what Bea had, but less serious. We don't know what will happen. He may be ok but be a life long cardiac patient. He might require surgery immediately after birth and go down the multiple surgery, single-ventricle repair route with unknown future quality of life. He might die in utero like Beatrice. We may decide to terminate.

We had four days of happiness. I am now feeling lots of movement, which is wonderful, and for four days I truly believed that everything would be ok. We told our friends and family. Everyone is so happy and excited for us. When Bea was dying I was adamant that I would never risk putting another baby through what she went through. But our doctors all assured us that it was a random occurance and highly unlikely to happen again. This is my worst nightmare.

I think I need to step away from Glow and won't be posting here anymore. Thanks to everyone for being so welcoming and supportive. I can't express how strongly I hope for all of your babies to be ok.

I'm so very sorry, Jill. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh, Jill, my heart is breaking for you. My infant daughter also died of congenital heart disease. Sending love to you and your little boy, Olivia

Oh I am so very sorry. Sending much love.

Oh Jill. I am so sorry. Much love.

Jill, I am so terribly sorry that you are going through this. I will be praying for the best possible outcome for your son. You will remain firmly in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh, no, Jill. I am so sorry. I can't believe this is happening again to you. It is not fair. You will be in my thoughts. Much love and a big hug.

I am so very sorry, Jill. I'm sending so much love in your direction and I sorely hope that your little boy will be okay.

I am so terribly sorry to read your news Jill. Thinking of you and your husband, your little boy and remembering your dear Bea xo

I'm so very sorry, Jill. Sending you much love.

Oh, shit. I am so so sorry to hear this news. It is just terribly, incredibly unfair. I'm thinking of you and your family.

I am so very sorry, Jill. Will be keeping you and your family in my heart through these difficult days. Much love, sarah

Jill, you and your husband and your son (and Bea) are in my thoughts. I am hoping for the best possible outcome.

Oh, Jill, I am so sorry. I will keep your family and especially your son in my thoughts and keep hoping for the best possible outcome. No family should have to go through this once, much less twice.

I am so sorry to hear this news. I will be thinking of you and your family.

Jill, I am so sorry.

Jill, this is so terrible and unfair. I'll be thinking of you and your son and hoping for the best possible outcome. Much love.

Jill what heartbreaking news. I can't think of anything to say. It's so awful and so unfair. Sending love to you, your partner, you baby boy and to precious Bea as well.

Jill, I am so sorry that you are going through this again. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Jill, I'm so sorry that you and your husband are going through this again. Your family will be in my thoughts.

oh no jill, i am so so sorry, this is so terribly cruel and unfair

Jill,
My heart breaks for you and your family. I will hold you all in my thoughts and am sending you love.

thank you everyone for the kind words and hopeful thoughts. I am trying my best to summon hope for this baby. thanks again and my sincere best wishes to all.

I am so sorry Jill. I wish I had some words of encouragment, but just know that I am here with you and hoping for your little boy.

Oh Jill - I wish there was something I could say. You'll be in my thoughts and I'm hoping that this is mild and fixable.

Oh Jill, there are no adequate words to balm your fear. The only "advice" I have (and I use that term loosely because I do not feel that I know anything anymore, not really), is to completely and utterly love your baby without fear of losing him as much as you possibly can. It's the same advice as "living in the moment" I suppose, but more urgent and profound in your case. I don't believe in God anymore but I do believe in the power of love, so I am sending you, and him, alot of that.

Jill,
this sucks.
BIG TIME!
You are in my thoughts

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh Jill I don't have any words, I'm just so sorry to hear your news.
My fingers are so crossed that your follow up appointment is full of better news.
I am just so sorry you are having to go through this again.

You and your family are in my thoughts