Six month ago today my daughter Bea was stillborn. I wasn't thinking of this as an "anniversary" date but it has been particularly difficult. I spent most of the afternoon yesterday reading old posts here on Glow, and I doubt I'll get much work done today, either. I miss her so much. I have started feeling movements from this new little one, and instead of feeling joyful and happy it makes me miss her even more.

I also posted about her on fb this morning for the very first time. It's probably strange that I haven't done so yet, but I am a private person and typically don't post anything personal there. When I post (which is rarely) it's mostly just vacation photos and occasionally something I find amusing. I had never announced that I was expecting, and when she got sick and eventually died I didn't know what to say, and it all felt so awkward, so I just didn't say anything. I avoided fb for months, but right now it feels like my only tenuous connection to the outside world, so I'm forcing myself to reach out a little bit. I don't use it for networking so my friend list is fairly small, and made up of actual friends and relatives so almost everyone knows about her. But it has been really bothering me that someone looking at my profile would have no idea that she even existed. So anyway, I posted the photo that Carly at Names in the Sand made for us. I'm terrified that someone will make an inappropriate comment. Or worse, that no one will comment at all. But it's done, and I think it feels right. I want to be able to talk about her more openly. Somewhere other than here, of course.

And I do plan to announce this new pregnancy there. It will probably be a few more weeks before I can work up the courage. Ugh. Sorry for the rambling post. I guess I don't need any advice. I've just been so stressed about this, planning out what to say, how to say it, etc. It's such a relief to get it out there.

Update: nothing but kind, lovely comments. I'm not sure what I was so stressed about--I had myself all worked up for no reason. I'm happy I posted it, and so thankful we have such nice caring people in our lives. Whew :-)

So glad to hear it!

Facebook can be a rough place sometimes for us BLM. Glad to hear that you only got kind responses (as you should). 6 months is a rough anniversary. Thinking of you and Bea.