I am not a religious person and, after losing my daughter, hardly know what I believe any more... but I could really use some prayers or positive thoughts right now. Please bear with me because this will be long.

I am 18 weeks, 4 days pregnant right now. I've been so superstitious about this pregnancy from the start (so much so that, in spite of writing several posts in the weekly pregnancy thread here, I've ended up deleting every one). Up to this point, everything has gone so well... but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, unsure if this feeling is paranoia or intuition.

To give some background, during my last pregnancy, I had poor genetic screening results at 16 weeks. We decided, after doing much research and soul searching, to do an amnio. Much to our relief, the results revealed no chromosomal abnormalities. Unfortunately, I started having pink discharge about 10 days after the procedure. This went on for about a week with no explanation. (They only gave me several internal exams... no ultrasound). The discharge then changed to red bleeding. Again, more internals with no diagnosis. It wasn't until I bled for about a week that I finally got my ultrasound, which revealed a large subchorionic hematoma by my cervix. My water broke two days later and my daughter was born two days after that. In the end, it was determined that I had an acute uterine infection, likely caused by the amnio.

So, here I am at 18 weeks. Our big anatomy scan is tomorrow and we decided to wait to tell everyone (but our parents) that I am pregnant until after that. Unbelievably, I woke up yesterday morning with brownish/pink discharge. A lot of it. I couldn't believe it. Deja vu. It was very early in the morning so I drove myself to the hospital so my husband could stay with our sleeping kids. The doctor said that the discharge was likely caused by the fact that DH and I had sex for the first time in a long time two nights before. (TMI, I know!). Even though it was a different hospital from where I had my daughter, it was so distressing to be in the labor and delivery ward again, at the same stage of pregnancy, going through the same thing all over again. The doctor did a cervical check and thought my cervix felt a little short. (I had my cervix checked transvaginally a week ago... they said it was actually unusually long... 5.5mm... could it have shorted so much in a week??). She did a quick ultrasound and the baby looked fine... but the machine wasn't particularly advanced. I didn't have any more discharge for a long time until this afternoon when, again, lots and lots of pink discharge. I am also having some mild cramping. I am praying it is from the exam the doctor did yesterday.

I am terrified. This is just like it was the last time... only no amnio to blame anything on now. I have my detailed ultrasound with Maternal Fetal Medicine first thing tomorrow morning. I have been so focused on the baby being okay... now I am also terrified that my body will fail yet another child. I just want to get through tonight without anything horrible happening. I am trying so hard not to panic.

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. You all have been such a great support to me. I will keep you all posted.

Oh Steph, how awful! That's terrible that you are going through so many things that feel like ground hog day. I can well imagine that would be TERRIFYING. Steph I am so sorry you are going through this, what a cruel turn of events.

I'm going to go light a candle for you now in my home. I'll be thinking of you particularly for the next 12 hours.

I wish I could pray for you, but I am crap at prayer since my daughter died (I'm still not on speaking terms with God). But I am sending calming healing thoughts to you, and Holding You in the Light, as the Quakers say.

Please keep us posted, in a way and at a pace that's not distressing to you.

Praying (in the best way I know how) for you Steph. This has got to be so scary. Please do keep us posted, you will be in my thoughts.

Steph, I will be thinking of you!

Thinking of you and hoping you get great news tomorrow.

Oh, Steph. Thinking of you so much.

Regarding cervical length - there is definitely a dynamic thing there. The most reliable measurements are taken by u/s, on the same machine. Different machines can make a big difference.

Hoping so much for you to have some peace. Love to you.

Steph-

Praying for you right now.

Keep us posted, okay?

Sending you love, Steph. I'm sorry this is so scary. xoxox

Oh Steph. I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position, it must be so frightening particularly as it is so similar to what you went through when you lost your daughter. I'm just hoping so, so much that the detailed ultrasound this morning will show that everything is fine.

I have a short cervix and mine has never measured anything like 5.5, always far, far less. I hope that the measurement taken last week bodes well for you and your baby and that the doctor was simply mistaken when he/she said your cervix might be shortening.

You are in my thoughts and I am sending you and your little one all the very, very best. Please let us know how everything goes. xo

So sorry you are going through this right now. I'm hoping that it is nothing but what the doctor originally suggested.

Steph, I'm not religious at all, but I am definitely shooting my hopeful, positive thoughts out into the universe for you right now. I hope all is well at your scan today, and the rest of your pregnancy is nice and boring after this.

Oh, Steph. I am anxious reading your post. It must be so terrifying. Please keep us posted. I am thinking of you and sending much love and positive thoughts your way.

Thank you all so much for your support, everyone. It has meant so much to me all along... and especially helped me when I read your words first thing this morning after a long, sleepless night.

I am relieved to report that the ultrasound went very well. No discernible issues that could cause spotting or bleeding. Placenta is high. No clots, hematomas, collections of blood. Cervix still nice and long (5 mm or cm... which ever it is!) and closed. They feel very confident that the cervix was just irritated by the intercourse and internal exam (and warned me that I will likely have more discharge from the transvaginal ultrasound).

Best of all, the baby looks great. Amazingly, after 3 girls (the last one of which was my lost daughter, Juliet), we have a boy in there. I hardly know what to think of that. My brain just can't wrap itself around the concept of a boy!

I am still a bit anxious... but am doing my best to just relax. Of course, I keep repeating the manta "every pregnancy is different... Women spot... bleed... all the time and still have healthy babies, etc."

Thank you again, all of you. I don't know what I'd do without this place. Love to you all.

Phew. And yes, every pregnancy is different and lots of women spot/bleed throughout and still have healthy babies. Day by day, minute by minute is all you can do. Here's hoping the remainder of your pregnancy is uneventful. xo

What a relief.... I'm so glad to read that things kind of resolved themselves for now at least. Here's hoping for a really boring pregnancy for at least 10 more weeks for you, Steph.

And a boy.... Wow!

What an emotional rollercoaster...

XX

Steph,

I'll keep praying. So glad for the good news...but I know that while it might allay some of your specific worries about this episode of bleeding, it doesn't make the rest of the worries go away. It's so hard not to be scared of lightning once you've already been that unlucky lightning-struck person once or twice.

And...a boy? Awwwww! Yay! I'm hoping for a nice long, boring pregnancy for you with no more scares.

I'm so very glad that everything looks good, especially your baby. And a boy!
Hoping so much that the remainder of your pregnancy is calm and uneventful. xo

Glad to hear your good news Steph and it seems like it has given you some relief.

I wish I had a long and CLOSED cervix right now!! Hoping you don't have any other issues that cause concern.

Like you, I am expecting a boy after losing my little girl. It was quite a shock at first but I am much better with it now.

Steph, I'm sorry you had such a terrible scare--it must have been awful. My heart sunk when I saw the thread title. I'm so happy and relieved that everything is looking good with your little boy.