ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Pregnancy thread 15th March
Sophia - I don't think it was wrong to post that here. We all now understand the multitude of hurts that are possible when it comes to trying to have kids - getting pregnant, staying pregnant, delivering live healthy babies, and hopefully raising them into adults. We see that all of this is fragile, and for me, my heart aches for your friend and your SIL. They've both seen more than anyone's fair share of pain.
I'm 29w3d - the MW has moved my EDD up a couple of days which is fine by me. The sooner I hit 37w the sooner we start testing my body to see if it's ready for natural induction (Stretch & sweep, Evening Primrose Oil, RRL tea, perhaps other herbs). I want a homebirth still (and we're cleared for it right now) so medical induction isn't possible.
Otherwise all is normal. Babe changes between transverse and vertex, he's active, and overall I feel alright. We have an US on the 29th to check growth & positioning and another one in early May. Next week is the anniversary of Foster's death / birth. Today marks a year since the last US I had with him where I last saw his strong perfect heartbeat. Crazy - a year already.
My sleep is getting a little messed up - I'm up to pee every night, and i'm now having early morning insomnia, which sucks. I think it's mostly stress / anxiety related but that doesn't mean I know how to fix it. I'm just hoping it mostly resolves after next week passes.
Anyway - I'm here, doing ok, waiting for May and getting this dude out alive.
Sending love,
I'm 29w3d - the MW has moved my EDD up a couple of days which is fine by me. The sooner I hit 37w the sooner we start testing my body to see if it's ready for natural induction (Stretch & sweep, Evening Primrose Oil, RRL tea, perhaps other herbs). I want a homebirth still (and we're cleared for it right now) so medical induction isn't possible.
Otherwise all is normal. Babe changes between transverse and vertex, he's active, and overall I feel alright. We have an US on the 29th to check growth & positioning and another one in early May. Next week is the anniversary of Foster's death / birth. Today marks a year since the last US I had with him where I last saw his strong perfect heartbeat. Crazy - a year already.
My sleep is getting a little messed up - I'm up to pee every night, and i'm now having early morning insomnia, which sucks. I think it's mostly stress / anxiety related but that doesn't mean I know how to fix it. I'm just hoping it mostly resolves after next week passes.
Anyway - I'm here, doing ok, waiting for May and getting this dude out alive.
Sending love,
March 15, 2011 |
Sarah H
Sarah H
It seems very quiet around here these days?
Great to read about people who are so far ahead of me, makes me think that this is possible and also helps me trying to imagine that I might get there
Sophia reading your post just makes me re-realise that there is nothing fair about the world we live in, some people go through life without major distress and others seem to be so overburdened, its hard to figure that mystery. Nice to hear your pregnancy is progressing well.
Sarah H, I have been reading your blog. I really hope you get the birth you so desire. I hope it will be a healing experience, nice to have the end point in sight. Almost a year since Foster was here, another milestone.
AFM, just 8 weeks, had first scan and all was well. Nothing eventful to report really and that's the way it should be. I have withdrawn hugely from the world. Pretty much spent the past week at home. I'm terrfied to socialise, I don't ever want people to know about this pg, not until I have a healthy babe in my arms, that's not really going to happen though. Am very focused on delivery - obs is recommending a c section, I don't want one but am too terrified to consider anything else.
Great to read about people who are so far ahead of me, makes me think that this is possible and also helps me trying to imagine that I might get there
Sophia reading your post just makes me re-realise that there is nothing fair about the world we live in, some people go through life without major distress and others seem to be so overburdened, its hard to figure that mystery. Nice to hear your pregnancy is progressing well.
Sarah H, I have been reading your blog. I really hope you get the birth you so desire. I hope it will be a healing experience, nice to have the end point in sight. Almost a year since Foster was here, another milestone.
AFM, just 8 weeks, had first scan and all was well. Nothing eventful to report really and that's the way it should be. I have withdrawn hugely from the world. Pretty much spent the past week at home. I'm terrfied to socialise, I don't ever want people to know about this pg, not until I have a healthy babe in my arms, that's not really going to happen though. Am very focused on delivery - obs is recommending a c section, I don't want one but am too terrified to consider anything else.
March 17, 2011 |
ak
ak
Just thought I'd give a quick update, I've been avoiding here and blogs for a while.
I'm 35 weeks today, so 3.5 wks until my c-section. Baby's doing well, I've developed a bit of excess amniotic fluid, so I'm now onto weekly appt's and ultrasounds. The doc's not concerned, just keeping a close eye on us. I have moments of pure anxiety and feeling like lightning will strike twice, and I also have moments where I think everything will be fine this time. I'm hoping the next few weeks fly by, and I'll have a healthy son in my arms.
Hoping you're all doing well, and sending love.
I'm 35 weeks today, so 3.5 wks until my c-section. Baby's doing well, I've developed a bit of excess amniotic fluid, so I'm now onto weekly appt's and ultrasounds. The doc's not concerned, just keeping a close eye on us. I have moments of pure anxiety and feeling like lightning will strike twice, and I also have moments where I think everything will be fine this time. I'm hoping the next few weeks fly by, and I'll have a healthy son in my arms.
Hoping you're all doing well, and sending love.
March 17, 2011 |
rachel
rachel
Sarah H I am thinking of you this week as you come up to Foster's anniversary. I'm hoping with you that as this week passes your anxiety / stress will settle and your sleep will improve.
AK I am all for socially withdrawing! And I understand what you mean about not wanting anyone to know about the pregnancy and wanting instead one day being able to announce the birth of a healthy Bub! I still kind of want people to keep their thoughts off this pregnancy, if you know what I mean, and certainly to keep their flippant happy-go-lucky optimism to themselves.
Rachel congratulations on getting to week 35 (36 now?) I hope the next few weeks are boring and that they fly by. Are you counting down the sleeps yet?
AK I am all for socially withdrawing! And I understand what you mean about not wanting anyone to know about the pregnancy and wanting instead one day being able to announce the birth of a healthy Bub! I still kind of want people to keep their thoughts off this pregnancy, if you know what I mean, and certainly to keep their flippant happy-go-lucky optimism to themselves.
Rachel congratulations on getting to week 35 (36 now?) I hope the next few weeks are boring and that they fly by. Are you counting down the sleeps yet?
March 21, 2011 |
Sophia
Sophia
Hey all. I've popped in a few times but clicked away before writing anything. I don't really know why.
Have been down to the hospital twice now because of him 'being quiet'. Since passing viability I'm so much more anxious if he slows down - I feel I MUST go and get checked out if I'm worried in case he's getting into trouble and they need to do something, whereas before there wasn't that sense of urgency, because there wasn't much they could have done anyway. It's nerve wracking and I feel under an immense amount of pressure to keep him safe and protect him like I didn't do with the last baby. (Obviously I did the best I could, but I still feel I should have done something more.)
But anyway. Currently 27+3. Baby above average on all measurements and above the 95 percentile on abdominal circumference. Yes, that worries me a lot, but they keep telling me he's within normal parameters. Had a 4D scan including growth scan last week which didn't work very well as baby's feet were in front of his face, so going back for another go next week. But even though the pics and DVD aren't very good and you can't see much detail (hopefully will be luckier next time) I'm so, so glad to have them. They mean the world.
Pregnancy isn't affecting me physically very much. I've not really been very tired, not the proper bone-tired that people talk about. I don't have a linea negra or Chloasma, my breasts aren't sore (they haven't even changed as much as they did last time around), no increased pee-ing, I'm not getting breathless, no heartburn, I barely had any morning sickness... it's all very weird. Mentally I'm finding it a struggle, obviously - my anxiety is mostly sky-high - but physically it's very easy. I know I should be grateful for this, but instead it just contributes to my suspicion that this pregnancy is not really real, that it's just some horribly convincing hoax that someone somewhere is playing on me.
Less than three months to go. So much to do before that. And we need to buy a new carpet (which we knew about but that is more expensive than we'd anticipated) and we found out yesterday that our drain has collapsed. £500 we decidedly did NOT budget for. We already can't afford everything we need for the baby, but we HAVE to fix the drain (and to be fair the company are doing it half-price as my husband uses them in work and puts a LOT of work their way). Oh joy.
But, yeah. All is fine with the baby, as far as we can tell. So really I have nothing to complain about. I just hope so hard that he stays OK.
Have been down to the hospital twice now because of him 'being quiet'. Since passing viability I'm so much more anxious if he slows down - I feel I MUST go and get checked out if I'm worried in case he's getting into trouble and they need to do something, whereas before there wasn't that sense of urgency, because there wasn't much they could have done anyway. It's nerve wracking and I feel under an immense amount of pressure to keep him safe and protect him like I didn't do with the last baby. (Obviously I did the best I could, but I still feel I should have done something more.)
But anyway. Currently 27+3. Baby above average on all measurements and above the 95 percentile on abdominal circumference. Yes, that worries me a lot, but they keep telling me he's within normal parameters. Had a 4D scan including growth scan last week which didn't work very well as baby's feet were in front of his face, so going back for another go next week. But even though the pics and DVD aren't very good and you can't see much detail (hopefully will be luckier next time) I'm so, so glad to have them. They mean the world.
Pregnancy isn't affecting me physically very much. I've not really been very tired, not the proper bone-tired that people talk about. I don't have a linea negra or Chloasma, my breasts aren't sore (they haven't even changed as much as they did last time around), no increased pee-ing, I'm not getting breathless, no heartburn, I barely had any morning sickness... it's all very weird. Mentally I'm finding it a struggle, obviously - my anxiety is mostly sky-high - but physically it's very easy. I know I should be grateful for this, but instead it just contributes to my suspicion that this pregnancy is not really real, that it's just some horribly convincing hoax that someone somewhere is playing on me.
Less than three months to go. So much to do before that. And we need to buy a new carpet (which we knew about but that is more expensive than we'd anticipated) and we found out yesterday that our drain has collapsed. £500 we decidedly did NOT budget for. We already can't afford everything we need for the baby, but we HAVE to fix the drain (and to be fair the company are doing it half-price as my husband uses them in work and puts a LOT of work their way). Oh joy.
But, yeah. All is fine with the baby, as far as we can tell. So really I have nothing to complain about. I just hope so hard that he stays OK.
March 23, 2011 |
B
B
B; I think you do have something to complain about in a way. We all do. It's just so hard sometimes, this pregnancy after loss stuff isn't it. Soooooo hard. I can relate to even feeling phsyically kind of OK feels scarey. Me too. I whine about my nasusea, but actually if it decreases for a while I freak out.
At this end, our computer died suddenly this week and I have no internet access. I MISS YOOZE ALL!!!! It made me realise how important glow + other blogs + my own blogging is for my self care at the moment. So I'll be dropping in only occasionally for a while, and I'll be trying hard to get myself organised with a computer soon.
I'm 34 weeks tomorrow. That's the line in the sand for my Obst: she's been clear from day one that any consistant strong braxtons / tightenings in week 34 or after = immediate caesar. I am to have my bags packed and ready to go. Today was my last day at work. Also, my dh is having his own stress-related meltdown and is really hard to live with at the moment. I feel like I am mediating the affects of his irritability on our daughters, and I resent that when i am so tired and stressed myself. And 2 days ago a good friend's daughter got diagnosed with leukemia.
So this is not a good time for me to be without compter access. I need all the support I can get at present. I'm working on it.
Love to all
At this end, our computer died suddenly this week and I have no internet access. I MISS YOOZE ALL!!!! It made me realise how important glow + other blogs + my own blogging is for my self care at the moment. So I'll be dropping in only occasionally for a while, and I'll be trying hard to get myself organised with a computer soon.
I'm 34 weeks tomorrow. That's the line in the sand for my Obst: she's been clear from day one that any consistant strong braxtons / tightenings in week 34 or after = immediate caesar. I am to have my bags packed and ready to go. Today was my last day at work. Also, my dh is having his own stress-related meltdown and is really hard to live with at the moment. I feel like I am mediating the affects of his irritability on our daughters, and I resent that when i am so tired and stressed myself. And 2 days ago a good friend's daughter got diagnosed with leukemia.
So this is not a good time for me to be without compter access. I need all the support I can get at present. I'm working on it.
Love to all
March 25, 2011 |
Sophia
Sophia
How is everyone? How is the week treating you so far? I am OK... stupidly tired, a bit fed up, but basically OK. It's week 32 for me, so my CS date is 5 weeks today.
Can I put here some other things that are sitting heavy with me this week:
1. My brother and sister in law are I think going through their 14th miscarriage at the moment. How heartbreaking would that be, I cannot imagine. Their infertility journey has been long and hard. There is at this stage a tiny glimmer of hope that this pregnancy is not yet lost, but it's not looking good. And my poor sister in law has to bury her mother tomorrow, as she passed away last week.
2. There is a woman from my home town who I didn't know until Salome died, but she now lives in the same region of me. About 22 years ago she had a child who was stillborn (sad to say I don't know the baby's gender), and soon after had a baby girl who was born healthy but died at 4 months due to cancer. That's a whole world of pain I also can't imagine. When Salome died this woman came out of the woodwork and supported us as someone can when they know the terrain...Anyway, she and her husband went on to have 2 surviving sons, now aged 20 and 17 years. This week she found out her 17 year old son has aggressive bone cancer, and doctors are saying there might be some genetic link between her son's cancer and her daughter's cancer all those years ago. So it's layers of grief for her.... I don't want to think about what she and her husband are going through or I might throw up.
Sorry, don't know why I'm dumping that here, I guess this stuff is just playing on my mind and hammering home for me the fragility of human life. Like we all don't get that loud and clear already!!!!!! And for me at week 32 we are firmly in the high-risk end of the pregnancy, so I'm in a weird head-space anyway. Please let me know if i shouldn't have written that stuff here as my judgement on that is off at the moment.
Love to all.