For those of you who are pregnant after loss, or have been pregnant, or even are contemplating getting pregnant... how do you cope with the stress and anxiety? Did/do you have any coping strategies (i.e. exercise, therapy, yoga, prayer, renting a doppler, etc...) that help you to manage the immense anxiety that comes with having suffered a late miscarriage or stillbirth?

I have had my baby after loss and what worked to keep me sane during the pregnancy was a number of things. I found contacting my online friends who get it, posting here, buying a doppler, and doing kick counts helpful. Working helped too, as it kept me occupied and was not stressful (I found an ideal job with very supportive women). Going for walks every day and eating well helped me both physically and mentally. Sometimes, I found repeating a mantra that "most babies live" when I was particularily fearful would help.

I hope you find some things that work for you. It is not an easy road, but you are not alone.

I'm 28w with my second after losing Foster at 39w last March.

I'm doing the following to deal with my anxiety and fear (note: this is what works for me - but for some I can see it being too in-your-face with dealing with things.)

Mantras:
- I have no control over whether he's ok in there
- Every day he is ok is a great day
- I am not in control, but I am doing my best
- Birth is normal.
- Loving him will not cause him to die. Just send him all your love.
- enjoy every second of this.

Fear:
- dealing with each anxiety by examining it. Why am I afraid, what am I afraid of, how can I deal with that fear? Is it a rational fear? If it's not, talk it through. If it is, figure out how to deal with the stats and possibility. Empower myself with knowledge.

Doppler - especially until he became larger / more active

Normalization of birth
- considering my first child was dead and his birth an induction it was not that normal. I'm working on watching peaceful home and hospital births (un-medicated as my preference) where the birth is normal and boring. I'm also reading normal, boring birth stories. It helps so so much.
- Talking to my midwife, doula, friends, immersing myself in the birthy community to make it less foreign. less scary and more common.

Kick Counts
- 6 movements in 2 hours. When in doubt, I do a kick count at work to settle my fears.

So far I'm doing ok. I'd give myself an A- considering everything. I had a melt down over my fears on the weekend, and I do cycle through phases of anxiety, but overall the above really helps me cope with the anxiety.

I hope something in here helps.

Sending love
Sarah H

Coping mechanisms for me -and I claim no certainty as to how "healthy" they are- have been as follows,
1) Compartmentalization. I do not place an emphasis on this pregnancy. It is not the foundation for my life as my last one was. I am happy to be pregnant but I am not busy making concrete plans for the future like I did with George. I think about the future in terms of weeks and not months or years.

2) Writing. I write a good deal. Some of it gets published on my blog but more of it doesn't ever see the light of day.

3) Talking. With my husband or my therapist (seeing her has been the best thing I could have ever done after G's death) or a couple of specific friends. I don't talk about this pregnancy with my family as I am fearful that they will unwittingly make this pregnancy the main focus of my life (refer to #1).

4) Doppler. This is a double edged sword. Had we one for George, he would probably be alive today since we could have caught his rapid heart rate earlier. But the other night I had a hard time finding the heart beat in this one and we about called it quits and assumed that the baby had died. I've spent a lot of time in medical rotations using them and even I had a difficult time with this one.

5) Crying
6) Working
7) Reading things here
8) Close monitoring by my doctors

Ok, I think that is it. So far I've done pretty well. I'm hoping that I am not heading for a mega-meltdown or anything.

I wanted to update - almost 30w, and had a massive anxiety attack at work today. The babe felt toneless (he was sleeping) and I *freaked* out. So, moving forward (at the suggestion of my MW) I'll keep the doppler in my purse for moments like this.

Just another strategy I wanted to share.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

I've only been pregnant for about 3 days since losing Gabe, and I was losing my mind during that time (deep down, maybe I knew it wasn't going to last?).

But there has been a plan in place:

-therapy if needed. I no longer see my therapist, but will happily resume doing so on a biweekly or more basis if I am not coping. She's big on teaching coping strategies to recenter and focus energy away from worry - advocates regular deep breathing and meditation exercises to help center. We had worked on creating a physical release cue for moments when I felt anxiety really spinning up out of control.

-exercise - always a good one, but one that is somewhat limited for me by pregnancy restrictions after the cerclage is placed. If things are going well, I'll be allowed normal activity (defined as no more than 20 minute walks 4x per week on top of regular activity).

-drugs - I have little doubt I will go back on Zoloft during pregnancy. The question is going to be when that happens. The OB said she prefers I not be on anything during first tri, but if I have to for my own mental stability, Zoloft it is. Definitely anticipate needing it between the cerclage and viability, and would continue taking it through into post-partum because of the near certainty I will suffer PPD.

-doppler - we owned one with Gabe and I loved it. It was mostly reassuring to us. The one or two times I couldn't find his h/b were terrifying, but overall, it helped so much, and we treasure those memories. I haven't any idea where it is at the moment, but I anticipate using one again, as u/s monitoring every 2 weeks isn't likely to keep me reassured.

-plan w/ doc - so it's been awhile since I've seen the doc, and need to schedule another appointment, but we had a plan in place after meeting with each other.

1. Frequent monitoring, beginning with a beta series as soon as I got pregnant. First u/s between 6 and 7 weeks. Appointments every other week, with u/s monitoring if all was well. More frequent appointments as needed.

2. Cerclage placed after NT testing, around 13 weeks. Obviously, the primary cause of Gabe's premature birth was my damaged cervix. The fact that I had placenta previa is likely the only reason we made it to 21 weeks - the placenta was covering the damage until about 20 weeks, hence all the bleeding I had.

3. Meet with MFM. If all goes well, this will be a formality, second check kind of thing. The cervix was the primary issue, and the bleeding can be traced to that. But there was an abruption at some point before he was born and they won't assume it was solely because of the cervical issues.

Knowing going in what I can expect makes it a lot easier to bear. Having talked about some of my fears makes a big difference, knowing that my medical team takes my concerns seriously makes me feel a lot better about a subsequent pregnancy.

Not that that will make it all better. But having some kind of plan to grasp onto makes it easier for me to contemplate. The other thing I intend to do is ignore the whole pregnancy as much as possible. Throw myself into work if I can, and just not put all my hopes in that. I don't know what else to do, really - that seems to help with the ttc nonsense.