Has anyone ever thought differently about how many kids you would like to have since your loss? This may be really morbid but I thought before that 2 was a good number but since we lost Josie I have thought a lot more about it. I think that I want more kids so that if we did have 2 and one of those kids died then the other one wouldn't have any siblings anymore. I thought if I had 3 kids and 1 died that they would still have a brother or sister left. I know this is totally crazy. Please forgive me. I know Glow is the only place that I can say things that make me look like a wacko and not worry too much about it.

Hi Kara,

I think this is a perfectly reasonable thought. I, too, have thought about the same thing often: I am one of those siblings. And I cannot describe how immensely glad I am to not be alone now. If not anything else, I have someone who can share this particular flavor of grief with me.

Also, I had a friend who killed himself and one of the first things his sister (his only sibling) told me was that she wanted more than two children -- precisely for that reason...

I think of this often. I have two living children now and am pregnant with what will hopefull be our third living child. When asked if we will have anymore I always say I am not sure if 4 children will be enough, or if I will need four living children. I will wait and see how I feel. I think this is a reasonable thought to have.

Thank you. It is nice to know that i am not totally looney.

I just wanted to add my agreement. I have had these exact thoughts as well and I feel as if I can't talk about them anywhere else. Thanks for posting this!

I don't think that what you're saying is crazy at all. I wonder if it's only a new thing that it's taboo to talk about thinking like this. I remember reading a novel set in the 1800s which referred to a platitude people once had about "have 2 children for you, and have 2 more for God and Country', meaning that at the time people assumed only half of their kids would make it to adulthood to support them in their old age, and the other half would be lost to illness or war. I think it's a weird crazy thing about our cultures and times that we all tend to assume that all our kids will survive to old age. That is, until we lose a child or something and are forced to face the fact that sometimes our precious children do not survive.

Nope, definately not crazy thoughts.

Thank you Sophia. That is a nice way to think about it. To think that our ancestors never took their children's lives for granted is a nice thought. Kinda sad too

It doesn't sounds morbid at all. After loss you look at the world through a different lens. It makes perfect sense what you are thinking.

As for us, we always wanted three. George was our first and even though he is dead we don't plan on having any more than two additional children. Maybe the way we feel about that will change in the future but for right now that is our plan.

My father was a "late starter" so he's an old man now.. there's really a missing generation between us. When my baby son died, he told me very matter-of-factly for the first time that both a brother and a sister of his had died while very young. He estimated their heights with his hand - that's as best he could remember their ages! He even thought there may have been a third sibling who died, but he couldn't quite remember. I was gobsmacked. Different mentality in those days, for sure!