Starting a fresh one.

I didn't get a clear OP this month; i didn't pee and my temps are screwy. FF doesn't know. I'm getting white spots which suggests I'm 7DPO as i get them 4 days before my period. I've tested negative today (not that surprising, though I have super sensitive ones) and I'll use progesterone for a few days yet anyway.

I'm marking time till Clomid now, through out sit out month, which is annoyingly falling across two cycles. and through Freddie's birthday.

Hanging out in the 2ww. Hopeful, but not convinced. Timing seemed to be fair, but not perfect. Impatiently waiting without much anxiety, suprisingly. I guess I am kind of resigned to the end. Almost at peace with no new pregnancy or baby. Trying to be anyway. Time will tell.

Merry, keep your spirits up. I know it will be hard waiting for a month to prevent a Christmas baby, but in the end it will be worth it. You are in my thoughts and prayers

I'm out this month, which is good since I shouldn't be trying anyway. I didn't avoid, I just wasn't expecting O so early, so we missed it.
On the good side: J's spermogram results came back excellent. I am so relieved. One less problem to deal with. My fertility specialist was sure it was male factor problem, even though I am sure I have some sort of hormonal problem. He is having a hard time to believe I have a fertility problem because it was easy the first time. I am going to see another doctor. I don't trust that one anymore.
Please, I want a live child. I want to take this super heavy burden off my shoulders. The only insomnia I want is that caused by a baby cry. I want to feel normal again. I has been 25 months since I lost my baby and my life became a nightmare.
Sorry for the rant. I needed to vent to keep sane through the day.
Good luck to you all in the 2ww.

Hi Merry, Cheryl & Francisca (and anyone else who hasn't posted but is here in the muck with us!).

I'm still trying to focus on other things as much as possible, though it gets harder as the cycle goes on. I think/I hope I ovulated sometime in the last week. If there was ovulation, our timing was probably good (but you know, it was perfect last time, with a positive OPK, and still a bfn). I'm doing weekly acupuncture appointments and those are nice and relaxing, and I'm hopeful they're helping my cycles even if it's not as fast as I'd like. Since I don't know how normal my cycles are at this point, I don't really know when to expect a period...I guess sometime next week? I'm also trying to ignore any "symptoms" as I've been wrong so often over the last 6 months. My breasts are full and tender, and I've got a dull ache in my lower abdomen. But again, I'm pretty sure I've felt similar "symptoms" without anything to show for it, so who knows. Maybe they're related to ovulation rather than conception? Who knows, it's all newly mysterious and I'm trying to take deep breaths and keep my eye on the long view. Deep breath. Also trying not the stress about the business travel my husband and I have planned in March, and the likelihood it'll make us miss our chance that month. Let go, let go, let go.

Much love and luck to you all. Especially those of you who've been on this path longer than me. Francisca, 25 months is a terribly long time, and I'm so sorry for the continued heavy burden. I know this doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, but: It's Not Fair.

I concur. It's Not Fair.
Thinking of you all

Francisca, 25 months, what can I say that you don't already feel? I hope you find your answers soon.

Cheryl, I know this is your last chance and I hope it works.

Tomorrow is my much dreaded birthday. I realized tonight that it's also exactly 6 weeks until the 1 year mark so for the next however many years, my birthday will be the day I realize that it's only 6 more weeks until what should have been my son's birthday. Of course I am also about to O so I can't go completely into wallowing mode either. My temps have been very weird for the last week so I've also resorted to using the OPK's so that we don't miss our chance this month on top of everything else.

Fingers crossed for everyone in the 2ww.

Cara, I really hope your birthday manages to be not as awful as you fear. Mine was okay, like so many of the days I dread. Always seems to be the unexpected ones that trip me up.

As for me, CD24 and still negatives. Mind you, my ff chart was weird indeed and today it gave me a dotted line of CD17. I personally think that if I O'd at all, it was day 12 or day 14 but as I have nothing to lose since next month is out anyway, and I'm having a follicle scan that is booked assuming I'll go to CD28 this month, I'm just going to keep taking progesterone till CD28. I don't feel pregnant, so I guess I'm not, but I'm not in a rush to get to the next cycles, so... huh.. well.

I'm having a bit of a hard time. I dreamt dh had secretly had the snip and not told me and then I had a dream where I couldn't remember Freddie's name. I woke up - at least, I could, but I was lying in bed, half asleep thinking "I can't remember Freddie's name..."

Bleugh.