Hi All,

Fingers crossed for Turtle tody and her induction.

I've been so excited to hear about those BFPs from the TTC thread. But then I get really sad thinking about others who are still slogging it out in TTC Land. Heartbreaking stuff that I have no personal experience in, it sounds so horribly painful....

AFM, week 28 and my delivery date has been set. Little One is scheduled for caesar at week 35. I am a little freaked out by this. I was always told it would be some time between 34 and 36 at the latest, but I guess I always assumed it would be week 36. As I mentioned in that other thread, I am trying to start the process of desensitising myself to NICU and to the delivery suites, but that requires emotional stamina that I don't find I have at present. I have emotionally run out of steam at 7 1/2 weeks to go.

I am feeling physically crappy too, nothing major, just worse nausea than usual, more problems with dizziness and diahrea, falling asleep at odd moments despite getting over 10 hours at night. I'm suspecting low blood pressure. I'm considering getting myself an appointment with my Obst tomorrow to check it out.

Little One's kicks and movements are really comforting. Wishing you all increasing good health and peace this week.

Sophia

Sophia - wonderful progress that you now have a date to work to. Thinking of you and sending you the strength to get through the next 7.5 weeks. One day at a time, one day closer to your date.

AFM - 22 weeks this week, and doing ok. Just ok. Nothing really to report - just trying to take it day by day. I'm feeling regular movement, which is wonderful - but good grief, it is stressful when I don't feel it for awhile. My next Obs appointment is in 2 weeks time - and although I know I can go there anytime I need to, I am going to ask her if I can rather come in regularly every 2 weeks until the 3rd trimester,,,then maybe every week. Would rather have the appointments there and feel that I don't need them, rather than not have them setup, and feel that I need them.

Thinking of everyone this week. How is everyone doing? xxx

Sophia - Sending you strength as you make it through these final weeks. I was exhausted just from the emotional stress of it all and everyone seemed to be assuming that it would be getting easier for me when in fact it was getting harder.

Hi Everyone,

These are quiet days and I do miss the chatter on here. All of you lead the way for me!
I have just entered my second trimester. Trying to convince myself that it very well might be a boy so that I don't FLIP OUT at my 20 wk scan. It is my own faulty thinking that if the world just gave me a piece of what I lost -- another daughter -- then at least it would be trying in its own way to make things more fair. Then I laugh at myself for being ridiculous. The world remains unfair. But I still want what I want...until I want what I get. :)

The summer babies are coming out of the woodwork these days as everyone is in their 2nd trimester and announcing, and I still feel angry at them. How dare they have the nerve to be pregnant with daughter #2 when they already HAVE ONE at home? Etc. I realized the other day that I can't privately glare at pregnant women anymore, because I am one and soon I will look like them. But I still don't feel I belong.

Wishing you all a boring healthy week.

7 1/2 weeks for me. Time is passing incredibly slowly but so far, so good. I had my first regular appt yesterday which went well. The next appt is in 4 weeks, but the OB said I can come in for a quick check any time. (Thankfully, because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to make it 4 weeks without knowing if anyone is actually in there.) I will also have a new perinatalogist--the one who saw us in the hospital when we first learned Bea was dying. It will be emotional to see her again, but I liked her so much better than the other doctor we were seeing before. She was our advocate in the hospital when things were spinning out of control, a voice of reason who actually listened to us and put a stop to the craziness. I feel incredibly thankful for that. As for the other guy, I NEVER want to go anywhere near his office ever again--I see it as a place to get bad news.

I also made it through my dreaded 40th birthday last week. It wasn't so horrible--being pregnant helped a lot, of course. The hubby and I went out of town for the weekend and even managed to have some fun.

I know how these posts can be both reassuring and painful all at once, so I hope I'm not hurting anyone by sharing, but our baby is here safely, delivered by some of the same amazing staff who cried when they delivered Micah last winter. It doesn't change the way I miss Micah but I am so received and thankful to have this baby here safely. I hope for just this outcome for all you, pregnant and ttc - you deserve this and so much more.

Turtle that is wonderful, wonderful news. I am so happy to hear it.

Turtle - I'm so glad your baby is here safely. Enjoy all the newborn cuddles. xx

Oh turtle - thank you so much for letting us know. You've been on my mind so much! I am beaming with happiness for you and your family. Give your little precious a big cuddle from me. We will always remember Micah with you. What is your new little one's name, if you don't mind me asking? xxx

Fantastic news Turtle!!!!! Welcome to your new Little One, and I am really happy for you and your family. Please do tell us more if / when you feel like it.

I'm so pleased to read your news Turtle. As Cath says, we will always remember Micah with you.

Jill S.:Glad that you managed to have some fun for your birthday and I hope that time starts to pass a little more quickly for you. It really does seem to drag during the early weeks. Glad that you have a perinatologist that you are comfortable with, I think it makes a lot of difference.

Lola: As my husband said to me, "it's 50:50 as to whether this baby will be a boy or a girl, you do know that don't you?!" I did have a little flip out at my 20 week scan upon discovering that this baby is (most likely) a boy. I would have been thrilled with a healthy baby of either sex but I had utterly convinced myself that I was expecting another girl. But I do believe that, ultimately, you will 'want what you get' as you say. And I certainly don't feel that I belong amongst the pregnant people.

Cath: Glad that everything is ok, the additional appointments that you've organised sound like a good thing. As you say, even if you don't need them, it's good to know that they're there. It's lovely to feel movements but, yes, it is very anxiety inducing when you don't feel anything for a bit. This poor baby of mine has been subjected to masses of cold drinks and prodding already.

Sophia: I really don't envy you having to attempt to desensitise yourself to the NICU and delivery suites. My surviving daughter was in NICU for a few months and, whilst familiarity made it easier, it is still an environment that I would find it difficult to cope with. 35 weeks does sound early I know but, if it helps at all, my consultant has told me that they won't attempt to stop my labour should it happen at 34 weeks or more?
I'm sorry that you have been feeling unwell in yourself and I hope that your Ob can advise you at your next appointment.

afm: Week 27, just trying to keep calm. I thought I would feel slightly more relaxed at this point but, it turns out, I just don't trust my body to keep this baby safe.

Wishing everyone a peaceful week xo

Turtle, what wonderful news...I look forward to hearing about life with your Little One.

Outing myself in this thread...newly pregnant here. 5 weeks and maybe a day or two. Have been for beta bloodwork twice and they're doubling as they're supposed to and it appears I'll be monitored via bloodwork every three days for a few more weeks (provided all goes well, touch wood, cross fingers, etc.) See, I don't even like saying "for a few more weeks" because I feel then that's me tempting fate by saying I even believe I might stay healthily pregnant for a few more weeks. I fluctuate between being absolutely detached and in denial (to the point I almost took an ativan the other day then remembered I was pregnant) to being excited and probably way overconfident that I'll be bringing a healthy baby home in October. I have to say that for the most part, at least so far I feel more calm than I expected, which isn't to say I'm calm, but rather that I'm calmer than I thought I'd be.

Sending love and peaceful happy healthy wishes to everyone.

Sarah N, I'm so happy to see you here in the pregnancy thread. Congratulations! (I can say that, right?) And thankful to have some company in these early weeks.

Congrats to you and your family Turtle, so exciting to hear the news of healthy rainbow babies. Gives me hope.
Sarah N. Glad to see you here on the pregnancy side. Wishing you many 'calm' days.

I am almost 26 weeks. Feeling generally well, very tired. Regular appointment with my own Dr and the high risk clinic have brought some piece of mind. They continue to reasure me that this is a very different pregnancy, being a singleton, than the twins. All the things that lead to our daughters death shouldn't be a problem this time. Singleton and good placental and cord placement.
Somedays I can hold on to what they are telling me, but many I am just sad and irrational.

I hope I don't offend anyone by asking this here, but how are people handling intimacy with their partners. My husband, is frustrated to say the least. My Dr said intercourse up to 30wks should be fine, but I am still a little apprehensive and there are only a few weeks left.

At first I put my name to this but I've taken it off. I don't care about any of you knowing who I am... but it would be superweird if someone clicked through from my blog, which some real-life people read.

Natalie - we have had sex maybe three times since I found out I was pregnant in mid October. I vary from no interest in sex to being repulsed by the idea. I hoped it would improve after the first trimester but no dice. I wish things were different, sex is usually extremely important to me, but it's like the part of my brain that gets turned on has been surgically removed.

When I've made myself do it I've felt horribly self-conscious and just wanted it to be over.

Ironically if we 'do other things' involving him (I am blushing as I write) I am more comfortable and at least feel that I am still involved in his sex life, even if only tangentially.

I hate this even more as I can't imagine that it will change for the better very quickly after childbirth - whatever the outcome. By the time things even start to get back to normal it will have been at least a year since we were having regular sex. And that's terrifying.

I am scared that this will damage our relationship in the long run. He assures me he understands and he doesn't seem to be upset or frustrated with me, but... that just makes me scared that he's hiding his frustrations :(

I'm so glad someone asked about this. I've been wanting to talk about it for ages.

Hi All,

Sarah N and Jill S: So wonderful to see you both on this thread and blessings on your pregnancies. Jill S, I don't think i congratulated you last week, sorry about that.

Cath: I'm with you on how stressful it is to sometimes feel a lull in movements. I am ruthless with the iced water etc these days!

Maddie: Tell us how are you? How goes it with Max? How goes it with the mother's group stuff these days?

Lola: I still glare at pregnant women. I still don't want to sit next to them on the bus, which I know is a bit ridiculous as I have a bigger belly than many of them : )

Catherine W: thinking of you, and nodding to your comments of 'I don't trust my body'. I haven't forgiven my body yet for Salome's death. In other pregnancies I have shown more respect for my body for growing / carrying a baby, but on an emotional level I think my body and I are still not on speaking terms. No wonder my sex life is so bad!

Natalie and A. Non: Like yourselves my sex life is not good at present and it makes me sad. On the 'for one and all' section I started a thread back on August 29th 2010 called 'sex in pregnancy, sex in grief' where I had a big vent about the same issues. May I add an updated vent? Since I wrote that back in August, obviously we were fortunate enough to get pregnant again, and so then we were plunged into trying to have a sex life amid nausea + grief. BUT there has been the added trickiness of the e coli infection which is in my uterus and comes and goes from my vagina.

Can I be blunt ladies? My beloved husband and I general have a sex life which I would regard as pretty good, but in a suburban 10-years-into-monogomamy way. That is, while we are still enthusiastic about down and funky with it, we are not into whips, chains, or dress-ups action, and consider ourselves lucky if we are both awake in bed at the same time and if we can get anything 'completed' without getting disturbed by either of our living daughters.

So if you think of the top three sexual activities that a suburban hetrosexual long term monogomous couple would get up to, let me tell you how the e coli and nausea has been messing with our sex life.

Sexual activity No. 1: As stated in early thread, there must be absolutely no rocking motion. And I can't help but think that any kind of penetration is just rythmically pushing the e coli closer to my cervix and therefore closer to Little One and increasing risk. That thought does put a dampener on things. My Obst says penetrative sex will not increase risks for Little One, but it kind of emotionally feels risky, so we basically don't do it.

Sexual activity 2: Due to nausea, I have difficulty tolerating a toothbrush in my mouth without gagging. And if I can't tolerate something the size of a toothbrush, with the best will in the world, I am certainly not going to be able to tolerate something the size of THAT....

Sexual activity 3: Who in their right mind would offer that sexual activity to a woman knowing for a fact that she has an active e coli infection in her vagina!!!! My odds of getting lucky in that respect are very low and even if that activity is offered, I am very uncomfortable with the idea of it. I know it's kind of illogical, we all know a range of 'flora' live in all healthy vaginas, but.... you know? It messes with my head.

So how to proceed? I'm stuffed if I know. I hope it will get easier once we hopefully have a healthy new baby. I know I need to forgive my body for all this stuff in order to get my own sex drive back. It's a good thing my husband and I are keeping our sense of humour so far.

On another topic, I'm sorry I've forgotten who asked me the other week if I lived in Sydney. I'm just up the road in Newcastle!

Love to all.

Sophia and Anon for this, thanks so much for posting such honest replies to my comment.
Yet again I am glad to find that I am not the only one that is having difficulties, I seems to make things a little easier to know I am not the only one. I do hope that post baby things will get better. I feel that my body has not been my own the last 2+years. I am also glad that my husband is very supportive and also taking this is stride, frustrated or not.

Oh Sophia you've made me feel so much better :) I'd forgotten that post - will have to go and reread it.

The only thing you missed out is, err, using hands? I actually woke up the morning after posting here thinking I might be interested (maybe acknowledging how bad the situation was made my brain feel a little better about the whole thing?) and although we didn't manage to DTD we... enjoyed ourselves, let's say. And it wasn't the best ever, but it made us feel closer again and I feel a lot better for it. And VERY relieved that the urge still exists.... maybe it will come back in the long run, even if it's not for a while yet.

Natalie, you're definitely not the only one. And yes hopefully in the long run things will be much better again.

Thinking of everyone and hoping we're all as calm as is possible right now x