I wanted to check in with other mamas who've had their rainbow babies. I wanted to see if I'm the only one who feels this way - I love him to bits, am so grateful he is here, can't imagine life without him, etc etc BUT it almost feels like since I should be grateful, I can't feel complain once in awhile. And I'm tired. Exhausted some days. I mean, things are great in so many ways, he's here, he's healthy, he's happy and all but some days, I just want to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time and I feel like I can't whine b/c I know the alternative. Anyone else feeling like this? It's such a small thing, I know, but I just want to hope that I'm not alone here.

I have not had my rainbow baby yet. But feel like I could contribute by saying that I think this is normal. I had twins in May of 2009 and brought home only one baby. I have days still when I know I should just be grateful that she is here with us. But I am tired and cranky and just want to be left alone for some quiet time.
I have just this past week talked to a friend who has had her rainbow baby about this and she said she often had the same feelings. I think it is part of "motherhood" and being human.

That is totally normal. I only have one hand to type here but you are not alone, some days I just want some sleep already!

I'm scheduled to be induced tomorrow morning and I already feel that way - I feel like any kind of labor and birth needs to be ok as long as he lives, that any complication would be better than not having him, and of course those things are true. But I hate that I feel too guilty to simply wish for an easy birth and a perfectly healthy baby - as if that's too much now. I'm learning how to deal with grief, but guilt is still really hard.

Like Natalie, I haven't had my 'rainbow' baby but did bring home one of my twins after a hospital stay of four months. Initially, I was so euphoric and grateful to have her at home that sleep deprivation and so on didn't bother me at all. Then, after a few months of bliss, everything caught up with me and I started to crash and burn!

Because her sister had died (and because her own survival looked so unlikely at times) I felt as though I couldn't ask for a break, admit that I was exhausted or that I just wanted a few hours to myself. My daughter was on home oxygen and I didn't trust anyone else with it. If I wasn't with her every single waking minute of her day, I felt as though I had failed her. I didn't even want to ask for help from my husband and I think he probably felt quite excluded as a result.

As you say, when you know the alternative you feel as though you must treasure every single moment. I dreaded anyone finding out that I was feeling this way in case they thought I was ungrateful or that I did not love her. I still find it very difficult to leave my daughter because of the mixture of overwhelming love and guilt and, if I didn't have to go to work to pay the bills, I probably still wouldn't have left the poor child in peace nearly two and a half years down the line. She isn't a particular mama's girl and probably breathed a big sigh of relief when I did finally vanish and leave her in peace for a few hours! With hindsight, I wish I had let others help me (they often wanted to!) and hadn't tormented myself with so much guilt and with trying to do absolutely everything perfectly.

As others have said, I think it is completely normal to feel like this. Please don't feel that the occasional complaint is any reflection on your love for your child or on your gratitude for his life. Looking after a baby is simultaneously the most delightful, charming, fascinating, amazing and absolutely maddening experience going. We are only human and we all need sleep, time on our own (and a little bit of a whine from time to time). xo