I hope everyone is doing well as you continue onwards. I am eager to hear updates and see how everyone is getting on.

Thinking of you all during what I know is a long 40 weeks filled with ups and downs.

Hi All,

I love the new bird in the banner. Tweet tweet.

Week 27 here, so 9 weeks today until my c/s. I am sooooooooo happy the heat has broken and the temperatures have dropped. Me and every other pregnant woman in the city were going a bit crazy.

Things are going OK here for me at present. One problem is some interactions I'm having with colleagues at work. I am one of 4 pregnant women in my workplace at the moment, 2 of the other 3 being first-timers. There's a lot of pregnancy talk around me and one of my colleagues is particularly clumsy about this stuff. One of the first things she said when she saw me was "Seeing you here pregnant again it's like going back in time! How funny!" I don't have the energy to explain to her how not funny it is for me to be doing another pregnancy, and a high risk one at that. There is no going back in time. I had a daughter Salome. She existed. Then she died. Another quote from her "I guess you must just have your heart set on 3 kids no matter what". I don't want to talk her through that one either: how complex the decision to TTC was, how it's about making space in our hearts for a new person and all the risks that entails, rather than neatly filling the back seat of a car with boosters and capsules. I guess I am just finding my workplace abrassive in this regard. 8 weeks to go there.

Beth, are you out there? How did you pull up after the week of Hector's birthday?

Love to all

Sophia: It is very hard to get the support we need or desire at work. I found that I had to walk away from many people when I was still there. I have been off now since the end of Jan, thanks to a very understanding Dr. She saw that I wasn't coping well emotionally, along with the work starting to get too heavy(I am a nurse in a burn unit, lots of lifting) I hope that you can get through the next few weeks with few incidents.

I am getting into the 25 wk zone. I have a Dr appointment this week on Thursday then another US on Monday. Then again in 4 wks. After that we will be past the 30wk so they are going to start weekly US, as I had a placental abruption at 32 wks. I am not sure having so many Us will make me feel any better, but I guess it is better than doing nothing.
Hope everyone is doing well.

I am a whopping 6 weeks and and have already made my first freak-out trip to the OB's office. Since Saturday I have been having weird pains/pinching feelings on my left side where I imagine my ovary to be. Definitely not gas pains and fairly constant throught the day. I finaly called this morning to ask if I should be worried about an ectopic and they had me come in for a quick ultrasound. Everything is fine, no ectopic, no cyst, and I saw the heartbeat(!) I am so relieved.

So no idea what is causing the pain, probably just the progesterone, but I like that I now seem to have super VIP status at the OBs office. My doctor has such a calming demeaner--she never dismisses my concerns or says that there is nothing to worry about, or acts like everything will be fine. (We both know that at any stage it might NOT be fine.) When I'm worried and over-analyzing she just says "instead of worrying let's take a look and find out." So practical.

She also agreed that we could take my blood pressure at the end of my appointments instead of the beginning. That should help alleviate the extra bp anxiety, which I certainly don't need.

Sophia I'm glad you're finally getting a break from the heat and I'm sorry you have to endure the dumb comments at work. Natalie, it's good that you have an understanding Dr., too; it makes such a difference. And following up from last week: Cath and B, I'm SO happy your scans went well and you got to see you little boys. Great news. And Sarah H., it's wonderful that you are able to hope and dream and feel such love for your boy. Your post gives me so much hope. Best wishes to everyone.

Jill -- It sounds like the cramps/pinching could be round ligament pain. I had the same thing early on and it lasted for a few weeks and was fairly present throughout most of the day. It doesn't feel like the typical round ligament pain you might have experienced with a previous pregnancy, but my OB reminded me that things are stretching earlier and in new and old ways.

My first trimester scan came out clear with everything progressing normally. It has left me extremely depressed. When I saw the baby I knew it wasn't the baby I lost; the one I want so much. It was a punch in the gut, like losing her all over again. I thought I would feel such relief. Instead it left me with deep deep sadness and regret.

Sophia - Are you in Sydney? We've just come through an intense heatwave - we I honestly could not leave the confines of our home for the entire weekend! Thank goodness it's past. Down to single figures until C/S day!! If you're anything like me, you're latching on to any milestone to get you through these weeks. Sorry you're having a tough time at work. May the last few weeks fly by.

Natalie - glad to hear you're being looked after so well. At this stage all we have is regular scans and checkups to make us feel like we're stand a chance of making it through these weeks. Thinking of you.

Jill S - 6 weeks!! Congrats - and wonderful to hear that you're being looked after like a celebrity over there. You deserve nothing less. And yay for healthy heartbeats!!

Lola - thinking of you sweet mamma. I know that feeling - and had to work through it myself. All I can say is that for me, I was somehow able to turn it around to a positive that this child I'm carrying is a brand new life, full of hope, and that my memories and pregnancy with the daughter I lost will be preserved forever. A tough journey and one that I definitely haven't figured out yet.

AFM - 21 weeks this week and having a tough tough time. Have come down from the excitement of the big scan, from finding out I'm having a boy, and now just really missing my little girl. Really not sure how I'm going to get through the next 17 weeks. Seems like an absolute age. Crying a lot this week. Hope that next week will be better.

I understand feeling depressed. One of my coping strategies after Bea's death has been to avoid thinking about the future in any form. My husband and I have refused to plan anything more than a week ahead. (Seriously--people ask us if we have plans for president's day weekend and we say "ask us next week.") We have been focused on just getting by, one day at a time, and doing pretty well at it, I think.

Well, a new pregnancy forces you to face the fact that there will be a future, and it's a future that won't include Bea. And if we are lucky enough to be parents, we won't be parents to her. And this new baby, if she or he survives, will not have a big sister. It's finally sinking in that every single day, for the rest of our lives, she won't be there. I was doing ok, but I think the pregnancy has forced me to move on to a new stage of grief, and it's hard.

On a happier note, I got a baby store catalog in the mail yesterday. I was never been able to get off those mailing lists. This time, instead of throwing it directly into the recycling, I opened it up and let myself dream a little about baby items and nursery color schemes & such. It was nice. We did not get to make a nursery for Bea, and the baby shower was cancelled when she went into heart failure, so I didn't do any of the the fun "preparing for baby" things. I really hope I get a chance to with this little one.

Just wanted to send you all some hugs and love.

Lola - I felt exactly the same after my 12 week scan. It was awful - I cried through the scan and thought about Matilda. And then felt guilty for my new baby.

Cath - I had a similar experience - I was so focused on making it to the 20 week scan (that when we first found out something was wrong with Matilda) that I woke up the next day and suddenly realised I still had a whole lot of pregnancy to get through. In my head I just hadn't thought past that scan at all.

Sophia - Ugh to comments - they suck.

Hi to everyone else.

Maddie x

18 weeks now and meeting with maternal fetal medicine doctors tomorrow. They are doing a genetic consult and then levell II ultrasound. I have been counting the days until this appointment. Some people are just focused on us finding out what we're having. But you all know I'm worried more about seeing that everything is ok. I want more reassurance that all is well with this baby and me.

Jill - I feel the same way. There is hope of a future with this baby. But it won't be Charlotte. I don't get any of the things I dreamed about with my first. She will always be the missing piece in our lives. Our nursery wasn't complete either. We were going to paint and put the crib together the weekend we lost her. So after this appointment, my hubby wants to paint and fix the room in the next two weeks. After we get a good report...

Our induction is set for tomorrow morning (at 38 weeks 2 days) and I'm struggling. I actually handled this pregnancy better than I thought I would until we hit 37 weeks (when we lost Micah). I'd planned to carry this baby to 40 weeks, to give him all the time to grow and develop that I could, but after an iffy NST, we're inducing. We all suspect the NST was simply a sleepy baby, and repeating the test the next day, we got perfect results, but we just can't handle the risk anymore.

It is strange - I had no trouble packing my own hospital bag - I know exactly what I need for labor and delivery - but I can't make myself pack a bag for the baby. I just can't picture bringing him home.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow Turtle and I hope that everything goes well. This last week of your pregnancy must have been particularly difficult and I can understand why you have chosen to induce. Of course you would never, ever want to take that risk.
I hope you do manage to pack that second bag and bring home your baby safe and sound.

afm: also loving the new bird in the banner. 27 weeks and slightly stunned to find myself here. I honestly never thought I would be able to carry a baby for this many weeks. I know it is no guarantee of anything at all but I'm so grateful for the extra time in comparison to my first pregnancy. Still not really believing that I will be bringing home a baby and loathe to buy or prepare anything.

Cath & Maddie - I'm glad I'm not the only one who was so focused on the 20 week scan that I'd almost forgotten about all those weeks that are hopefully still to come.

Jill S.- I'm still struggling to fully accept the fact that my future will not have my eldest daughter in it. Your comment has me in tears. Part of me is still anticipating her arrival although she has been dead for over two years now. The realisation, that no matter what happens, she won't be there still knocks the breath out of me on occasion. I'm so very sorry that your little Bea won't be there with you.

Thinking of you turtle...well done for getting beyond 38 weeks. Like Catherine W said, I hope you manage to pack your bags and I hope with all my heart that you bring your little one home with you.

Turtle, I'll be thinking of all day. Fingers crossed for a healthy baby and a good induced delivery (whatever 'good' means for you). I know what you mean about not wanting to pack baby things. I feel the same.