I thought I'd start a new one - perhaps we should keep each one going until a BFP gets announced on it and then celebrate with a new thread? :)

I'm back on CD5 - or something - I have no idea. This is our last trying month till after Freddie would have been one. We can't try next month and we're (don't laugh) going to abstain for a month in March. Partly to avoid conceiving (ha!), partly to try and clear the persistent thrush we both have (yack) and partly because sex is starting to feel like a chore and we thought a month of actually saying no might somehow get the magic back.

Today's CD9 for me. This is our last trying month. period. Today it feels like mission impossible. Had dead baby dreams last night...doesn't help to make things romantic or make me want to even try. Tears won't stop today. sometimes life sucks. this is one of those times.

hi ladies,
so happy to have company in this

good luck cheryl, there's a lot weighing on this given your deadine, you just never know, you never know, sending you positive vibes

merry, great idea on the thread and good luck this month, I like your idea of abstaining if only I could stop obsessing. Nice idea about waiting til after Freddie's birthday, I didn't have the strength to do that. Wishing you luck.

afm, cd16 today, should be ov'ing today or tmrw. acu today, eating well, sleeping well, bit of exercise, just hoping, hoping hoping. Trying to keep a sense of humour about it all because I cant say I'm enjoying it, if it doesn't happen this month I just don't know...... staying in the here and now tho and just doing what I can

God, no, we've been trying since before it was a month since he died. I hoped I'd have a baby before he would have been one. But we run a toy shop and an Xmas baby is a no-no - so late Feb, March, early April - all out.

Hoping for you Cheryl and ak.

I think it's great to add our own thread because some days I am just so torn up by reading about pregnancies even if they are after a loss. I have been in such a funk lately I haven't been able to make myself respond until now, but I have been reading an thinking of all of you. I hope we can get a BFP before the thread gets to be 4 pages long.

Cheryl, I can't imagine adding that kind of pressure to all the stress that is TTC after loss. I now have the Mission Impossible theme song in my head, not really sexy though is it?

ak, all the best for good timing and accupuncture working this month.

Merry, what can I say? It's like those 1st birthdays are bearing down on us and still no light on the horizon. If it doesn't work this time, I hope that the enforced "time out" will at least make dtd a bit of a novelty when you can start trying again.

AFM, it's CD21 and I'm going for the CD21 blood work this evening, woo hoo. D.G. submitted a "sample" yesterday so if this cycle doesn't work (and there's no reason to believe it will be any different from the last 7) we may have some answers as to why it's not working by the next time I ovulate. By my temps I o'd on CD13 so less than a week until I can POAS yet again and then not really believe that it's negative until AF shows up but still spend all the days in between crying and sulking. Ugghh. At least my test day is Superbowl Sunday so I can pig out on salt and fat and then it's also my support group meeting day so I can go and bitch about my BFN face to face.

Thanks to all for your good wishes and kind words.
Cara, you made me laugh out loud! Now how am I gonna be able to do the deed with the mission impossible theme song stuck in my head? I love a challenge and that is one of my favorite tunes to hum while facing a challenge head on. You all are the best.
Here's hoping towards mission accomplished.

how is everyone?

Cara, I like your plan for a bfn. I always reward myself too, a big glass of red wine and a cigarette, I'm not a smoker but started smoking after my son died in August, for about 3 months I smoked about 3 a day and wow they helped. I used to plan my day around a coffee and a cigarette. Tbh I would have taken crack if I thought it would have helped.
Strange what grief does to us. Sending you positive vibes for the test tmrw.

Merry I got what you were saying, may have been lost in my post.. Whats going on with you now?

Cheryl, hope those dreams have stopped and you've had some easier days.

Im in the 2ww, will be testing on Valentines days... nice. I'm always good this time in my cycle, thinking everything is possible and that the world is a nice and kind place. Clearly that changes in a flash with signs of af or a bfn. This is the first month that I actually manage to BD on ov day, so fingers crossed. Its taken me a few months to figure out my cycle.

Oh girls we really need this....

Last night I dreamed that I got a BFP, of course I also dreamed that I was hanging out with Wayne Gretzky too. (I do live near the city where he became "the Great One", but I don't pay attention to hockey these days.) Only another 22 hours until I can POAS and stop making myself crazy.

Fingers crossed for you Cara - I'm prety sure I'm going to be last (and I should be, I have other children) and I have the tiniest good feelings for you this month. Hoping you make that hottie cover unnecessary.

I'm on... oooh, goes to FF to check...CD9. My chart is flat lining this month, but I'm not remembering to check properly first thing.

You know, I'm good. Fine. I'm missing Freddie more this month than I want to be pregnant. Like Cara said on her blog "why this month when not any of the others?" I'm just giving up quietly. I don't think I have eggs left. We'll see what the gynae says next week.

So much for my psychic powers, another BFN. Bring on the chips, wings and BEER. I just hope all the tests that were run this cycle have some answers for us. The timing was good, I've been exercising, eating well and sleeping okay too so if there's nothing medically wrong, why the hell can't I get knocked up? AF should arrive Wed. or Thurs, then we get to start all over. (Yes, I have a 15 day LP, so you think that would be plenty of time for things to work.)

Merry, I hate hearing the sadness in your "voice".

ak, good luck for next week. I have no use for Valentine's Day but maybe you will get a reason to celebrate.

Oh Cara, So sorry. I hope you enjoy your beer and wings.

ak, fingers crossed for you. Valentines day is a great day for a BFP!

Merry, I am in the same boat with you. I have other kids too. I am anxious to hear what your gynae has to say...

I am hoping our timing is good. Currently on CD 14. Still humming the mission impossible song.

Today I had a tough time. I work as a nurse in OB at the hospital where we lost Helen. For the first time since Helen was born, I ended up in the OR. I had powerful flashbacks and some serious anxiety while in the OR. My memory of my personal experience in that room replayed in my head. The smells, the sights, the sounds, the sensations, every word. The good news is, after some deep breaths, I was able to keep my focus and provide good care for my patient and her new babe. I am healing. I am ready for a new little one.

Oh Cara, I am sorry, I have given up trying to understand this mystery, I really am sorry.

Cheryl, I am blown away that you work in the hospital as a nurse where you you lost Helen, oh my goodness, wow. Its sounds like you got through that experience with incredible grace and I hope you feel powerful for that.

Merry, that's amazing that you can say you should be last because you have other children, Real kindness of spirit. Fingers crossed you appointment gleans some info.

I cant decide whether I should try to think positively and repeat positive mantras in the hope I will be in a healthier state or think the worst and then I cant be too disappointed (this would be my default position). If I'm being really honest I have mild cramping so maybe I should just let myself down gently.

Thanks for the love all of you :)