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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Going out of my mind

My period is two days late. I feel pregnant. Very, very, very pregnant. This morning my husband walked into the dining room with maple syrup on his French Toast. I ran for the bathroom and promptly lost my breakfast. I'm hungry all the time, I've gone up a cup size in two weeks, but my breasts aren't tender (the same thing happened with my first), I'm tired etc. etc. I just feel so pregnant.

I have regular 26 day cycles. I tested on cd 23 - negative. I tested on cd 27 - negative. We're trying to be relaxed about the ttc process right now (ha, yeah right) so I'm not sure when I ovulated. My husband frowns on pregnancy tests and how much they cost so I've been using tests from the dollar store. I've been told that they are fairly accurate, but I am beginning to wonder if a more expensive test would be better.

I have one expensive test in the bathroom cabinet. I'm going to wait a couple days before testing. I'm anxious, nervous and scared. I really, really, really want to be pregnant again, but I'm so worried I'm not. Then again, if I am pregnant that's an entirely different set of worries and fears.
November 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous
I have done a comparison in the past with $ tree tests and got a positive at 9 dpo- same day as frer (first response early result). The line was there, just not as dark but it was there. If you can hold out a few more days it might be better since you do not know your exact OV date. I wish you luck....
November 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie
oh anonymous, it's so scary, the 'am-i-aren't-i'. i hope that when you use the expensive test you get a nice clear positive.

being pregnant is better than not being pregnant (if you're trying of course; i'm not claiming that's true for everyone!) but it's terrifying at the same time. i'm 10 weeks pregnant now and find it amazing that i have got this far - but i've got my dating scan on thursday and am convinced and terrified that we will find out the baby has died. i have no reason to think this other than, well, 'the baby died last time and you had no idea then either'....

we'll be here for you no matter what the result is.
November 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterB
Anonymous it is a high-emotional-voltage experience, no matter what the outcome is on any particular month, isn't it. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you get a good strong positive. I completely agree with you that a positive result is a new set of worries, but you must have huge personal strengths to have got you through all your recent heartache, and I'm guessing those same strengths will be with you in the months ahead, not matter what the outcome this month. Like B said, no matter what happens, we will be here to support you. Keep us posted!
November 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSophia
With my last pregnancy i took a dollarstore test one day after I was suoposed to get my period and it was negative. I didn't believe it so I took a "real " one the next day and it was very positive. So wait if you can but piece of mind is certainly worth 11 dollars if you ask me.
November 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKara
3 days late. Third negative test. And I used an expensive one this time. What in the world is going on?
November 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous
in which case i guess it's possible you ovulated late and the tests just aren't registering yet. it must be so maddening. i'm still keeping everything crossed for you x
November 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterb
It's a definite BFN. 4 days late - that messes with your mind.
November 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous
yes that would mess with your mind.

i didn't ovulate til CD27 the month i got pregnant. have you still been doing the deed regularly? there may still be hope. i do think that even if you're trying to be relaxed about ttc a basal body thermometer is worth its weight in gold... it's always reassuring to know when your period is actually late :/

i'm sorry this is so maddening for you.
November 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterB