This weekend has been terrific for me (visiting home, all the family here for once).

The one downside is that I have apparently had super awesome timing for conception because my body is hi-larious. I hesitate to invest anything in the outcome in either direction here.

Can't believe we're in November now. Hope this week and this month are good ones for you.

This week will be my first waiting game. This is the first month we were told it was ok to try again, so we did. Expecting AF any day now, but we'll see if that comes or not. I'm trying my best to NOT get my hopes up. I did that with my blood work and was extremely disappointed. I didn't do anything like monitor my temp or use any kits. Just guessed which days would be the best. So we'll see how that turns out. I WILL make myself wait until the end of the week before allowing any excitement in. I will do that, I say. Having to give myself a pep talk.

My emotions are up and down, all over the place. The hubs talked to me a few weeks ago to see if I was truly ready to try again. It differs each day. Like today I get a little nervous with any little cramp or twitch. I'm going to have to ignore my body for a few days and just wait and see what it throws at me.

Good Luck to everyone. Positive, happy thoughts to all.

Wishing you both positives.....
New week, new month. I turn 34 next week. I so hope to have a 5th child before I turn 35.
Still no OV- just hangin' out here in waiting land.....
Thinking of everyone.

Ugh, it's November. I have been dreading this month for four months now. Thank goodness my due date was at the beginning of the month, so it will get over with soon. Of course I have a friend who is due at the same time I was, and she is all over FB with pictures of her belly and ultrasound pics and what have you. Whenever I start to get angry, I try to just take a minute to myself and pray about being sensitive towards others in times of loss. I also hid her on FB, which helps. I can't out and out defriend her cause that would be mean ;)

In other news, I posted last week about AF arriving but she is taking her sweet time. I started spotting last Wednesday and figured that was the first day of AF, but alas, nothing but spotting since then. I remember after my first miscarriage, my period was way wacko that first month. So....annoying. We aren't going to be trying anytime soon anyway, but I just want my body back on track. I hate all this unpredictability, I'm not accustomed to that.

How is everyone? Hope things are going okay xoxoxo

Good luck, Susan! Leslie, I hope you ovulate soon. I can't believe it's November, either.

I'm in the waiting game, too. I mentioned it last week, but I'm pretty sure I ovulated while on a work trip to New York, but we had sex the day before I left, so I'm holding on to the hope that we'll have a miraculous long-distance conception. I'm totally in that spot where I'm analyzing every "symptom" and I've very nearly convinced myself that it must have worked this month....though my rational brain knows that all of my "symptoms" are quite normal and don't really mean much. But anyway - sore breasts! peeing "a lot'! perhaps I feel extra tired?! A few pinchy twinges! Kind of "full" feeling! (See? Crazy).

I have an event on Wednesday and I'll either test Thursday morning or, if I can hold out that long, Saturday. Who am I kidding, I'll definitely start testing before Saturday, assuming my period hasn't started.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Any of you pregnant mamas getting close to delivery?

Was hoping this was my month; I had an implantation temp dip and then it has been going up and up and my boobs have been so sore, really sore. But just now - blood - and red straight away. So yet again I think that I am pregnant but my body just can't hold on to it :(

Just really hoping that this, even if another early miscarriage, is hope that my bloods will come back with a clear progesterone low and some help there will be enough. But we are running out of time. Another 3 cycles maximum and then I have to stop or we'd have a Christmas baby and with our business, I can't risk that.

xposted with Keely. I'm so sorry about the unpredictability, and the impending due date. Sending you love.

I'm a huge ball of stress this week. My anxiety levels are through the roof. I have my 16 wk appt on Friday, and just hoping to hear a nice healthy heartbeat. Then hopefully make it to "the big scan" a couple weeks after that. I'm hoping I'll be able to relax a bit after that, but............?? I've been positive thinking, affirmation saying, deep breathing, and lots of dog walking, but nothing is seeming to help right now. Any advice?

Hoping for BFP's for those in the 2ww, and thinking of you all.

AF showed up today. I'm disappointed, but not surprised. My cycles have finally, finally leveled out to 26 days. No more guessing, no more confusion, my body has finally decided that 26 is the magic number. I was hoping for a June or July baby. Since that is no longer possible I am now hoping for a baby sometime in 2011. Having regular cycles gives me hope. My midwife stopped by on Saturday with a "conception painting" she made. Its purpose is to provide peace, comfort and hope as we try to conceive. I hope her midwife magic works.

Thinking of you all.

6+3 today, as far as I know. Saw the midwife on Friday, all booked in - very early. She was very reassuring. Said basically I can call her whenever and make as many appointments with her as I need to.

I was going to get a scan at around 7 weeks but honestly.... for some reason I don't want to. This is going to sound weird and possibly fate-tempting but I actually have faith in this pregnancy. I really think it's going to work out. And every time I acknowledge that I kind of cringe, because how stupid AM I.... but I really do think it's going to be OK. And I'm OK with taking the risk that at 12 weeks I will find out something's been wrong for a while.

I don't want to be optimistic. I want to be 'either it'll work out or it won't'. It's a really hard place to be. Does that make any sense at all??

Thinking of everyone else out there.

Oh, I should have said; my midwife told me that my bloods were back and '[were] doing what they [needed] to do' but she didn't tell me the actual numbers. Hoping to find them out from my GP on Thursday. Fingers crossed......

I just wanted to update, our daughter Daralyn Eden was born alive, and healthy on October 28, 2010. We are absolutely over the moon in love. I had a c-section and despite a very tense beside ourselves couple of hours where she had breathing difficulties, she is healthy. The NICU doctor attributed to the fact that she was delivered by c-section and fluids were not pushed out of her body as they are during a vaginal delivery. We came home from the hospital today. Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all of you for being the ears of understanding through this journey.

Paula! What wonderful news!!! Welcome to precious little Daralyn Eden, and congratulations to you and your family. Whew, what a relief.... Many blessings on you and your daughter and on all of you.

For me, no big news from here. 13 weeks and a bit, and word is getting out whether I want it to or not. I'm doing OK with it though. I can give the speil about 3 times per day, but anything more than that I find draining.

Love to all.

Blessings Paula.
B- thinking of you.
Merry and Angela- I am sorry. Thinking of you...
M- I have high hopes mamma!
Rachel- do you like to read? Yoga?

Paula - I'm so glad to hear of Daralyn's arrival. My midwife told me up to 30% of c-section babies end up in special care for a few hours or more due to having fluid that hasn't been expelled as it would be during a vaginal delivery.

Rachel - My only real tip is distraction. I read lots of books, watched DVDs, etc. I downloaded some meditation podcasts and listened to those. It's tough there's no way round that. Hang in there.

B - So glad the numbers are looking good. I understand what you're saying about the scan - before I had Matilda I didn't understand why people had early scans because there wasn't anything they could do if something was wrong anyway. But oh how things change. I couldn't do without them but sometimes I thought I'd rather not know if something was wrong. Hope you figure out what you're comfortable with.

Hi to everyone else. I'm here reading but mostly one-handed hence the lack of replies. I think of you all often.

Maddie x

I posted a few months ago when I was first TTC after my daughter was born sleeping at full term. It must've been about 3 months ago when I posted, and I was really confused and nervous about TTC again and how I would cope emotionally with the process of trying, waiting, testing etc. The responses I received were amazing - you are a very special group of women here.

I would like to rejoin the group now, as it is now 6months since my daughter passed through our lives, and I've recently found out that I am pregnant again. And I know I'm going to need all the help and support I can get here to get me through the next 9 months!

I'm almost exactly the same in terms of dates as 'B', 6+4. I'm very happy and excited, but also really nervous. It is such a mix of feelings - wanting this so badly, but also not wanting to get too attached "just in case".

I have my first scan on Friday - I will be exactly 7 weeks. I'm praying for a healthy heartbeat. I'm hoping with each week, I will be more reassured. But as we all know, a healthy child at the end of this journey is not a given. Deep breath.

Wonderful to hear your news Paula - so happy for you and your precious family!

Congratulations Paula :)
Welcome back Cath.

***
Ach, I'm so tired. This morning this feels like very much a full on proper miscarriage again. I'm just hoping that means some progesterone support will do the trick because I can't go through this many more times. It's 7 months today since Freddie was born - this must be my 9th or 10th cycle since - I just feel like I lose him again every time :( I can't bear the hope.

And my doc has just called me in to discuss my blood results. Going tonight.

Hugs Merry.

Hi Cath!

YAY Paula!

B - glad you're feeling optimistic.

I'm 10 weeks today, and starting to look pregnant. Another 2 weeks and I'll tell work (I can't hide this forever and it's stressing me out and I've only been there 2 weeks so far). MS isn't that bad, fatigue is manageable, all in all I feel alright until I have the nightmares. I never had this with Foster, but I'm having nightsweats with this pregnancy - it's annoying but fine. 1st scan is on the 15th - this week I feel ok with everything. Last week I was convinced the baby was dead. Only 30 weeks to go. Sigh.

FSH/LH both normal - (not sure how reliable FSH is on day 21, he said it was under 10 but as i know I'm ovulating, I guess it doesn't matter anyway.) Prolactin was 300 (was 157 last time!) and Progesterone was teetering on the edge of normal but a bit low but did confirm I had ovulated. Took him my graphs of temps over the last 4 months (he did used to do gynae, worked with the consultant who delivered Freddie) and said he really thought I was just not sustaining pregnancies rather than struggling to conceive and that he really did agree with me that Freddie being a twin had probably been just the edge which kept me pregnant.

He is going to ring the local fertility specialist but said he has absolutely no issues with giving me progesterone support and will ask them for guidance on how best to do it in terms of timing. So back to peeing on sticks this month.

I am more than sick of an 11 day luteal phase and being pregnant for 4 days a month.

well i'm glad your doctor is so supportive and helpful and that you're getting referred, but i'm sorry about that... so horrible to know that it's happening but that your body just can't sustain a pregnancy without help. it sucks.

Cath if you're 7 weeks on Friday we're exactly the same. How strange. Good to have you back, and good luck.

I would be more than sick of that too Merry. I'm glad he is being so helpful and maybe progesterone will be the answer. I have a friend here who has been trying for 1.5 years with no pregnancies, and they just discovered she has like an 8 day luteal phase, so they are starting her on progesterone this month, beginning the day she gets a positive on the OPK. So we'll see how it goes, I am wishing the best for both of you!

YAY PAULA!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to your sweet baby girl, I'm sorry you had some freak out moments but she is here and it sounds like all is well now. xoxoxo

To everyone who is pg......keep it up! Sounds like things are going well for most of you, yippee!!!

M, I will be waiting fairly impatiently for you to test on Thursday.

Leslie, hang in there. Angela, I'm glad things have regulated at least.

I still have no idea what is going on with AF, but whatever. I talked to the doc and she says she thinks this IS my period, it's just taking a while to get going. Who knows. Hubby's results should be back this week so I will let you guys know, I am very interested myself.

Thinking of you guys xoxoxo

Paula I can't believe I forgot to say congratulations. You must be so relieved. What a gorgeous name you have given her. Is the first 'a' short or long? (I like to get the pronunciation right even in my head!)

Congratulations, Paula!!! Now, breathe that huge sigh of relief and love that sweet girl up!

Has anyone heard from Catherine W.? I know she had a bit of a scare last week. Hoping that things have settled down for her.....

Paula, I am so happy for you! Welcome to your new baby girl!

Merry, wow, I am sorry you have been through so much, but correct me if I am wrong: that FSH result is much, much lower than the one you got before, right? So this is really hopeful news, even though it sucks that you had to wait so long and go through so much to get some hope and help. I hope the progesterone can do the trick for you.

M, I am impatiently waiting for your test results. I hope it happens for you this month.

AFM: I had my NT scan today and everything looked really good, once the baby finally cooperated so they could get a look. It took about an hour (with a lunch break in the middle) to get the right view. That was starting to stress me out, because everyone -- me, my husband, ultrasound tech, perinatologist -- is sitting around talking to the baby, calling it "he" even though it's way too early to tell, assigning it personality traits based on its sleepiness and unwillingness to move. And since I was really nervous about this exam, I started to worry that just as the baby was starting to seem like a person, we were going to get bad news.

But we didn't. Everything looked fine. I have the Down Syndrome risk of a 36 year old, which makes me feel positively youthful since I am 41.

Thinking of everyone here and hoping, as always, for good news.

Thank you all. Just so over the moon happy and relieved. And B, the first 'a' is pronounced like 'air'. Thank you for being sweet to ask. :)

Beth, yes it is. He said that he thought that nothing really pointed to early menopause, more a slight giving up of my ovaries to produce good corpus luteum and that he thought that was something that could be fairly supported.

It kind of hurts to think that Freddie might never have been at all had it not been for a twin that I also do not have, but I can force myself to believe there was a reason for all this. I think.

That said, I have no idea what an FSH level done on day 21 means, but I do know I am ovulating and I do know that I had absolute pregnancy symptoms this month and saw one last month, so I hope, just hope, I am close.

Thinking of everyone else - not really able to respond on pregnancies at the moment but hoping and wanting for you all.

Oh Steph. You are kind. I'm waiting for my 12 week scan next week. I haven't had much more bleeding and am still having pregnancy symptoms. However, after nearly a year of ttc, I can bring on pregnancy symptoms at will! Please cross your fingers for me.

Paula - I am so happy to read of the safe arrival of Daralyn. What a pretty name.I'm glad B asked about the pronunciation. Glad I'm not the only one who wants to get names right in head B!

Leslie and Keely - I hope your cycles sort themselves out soon.

Good luck Susan and M. The 2ww is horrible.

Nice to hear from you again Cath and congratulations. I hope that the scan goes well on Friday.

Sorry Angela but I'm glad that everything seems to be more regular for you and I hope that the painting brings a little bit of extra ttc luck your way.

Rachel, I haven't got that far myself yet but I hope you can relax a little bit. I agree with Maddie, distractions seem to help me when I'm feeling stressed.

Sophia, I think I'll feel the same way. I don't really want to tell anyone at all.

Beth, so glad your scan was good and that you are feeling youthful!

Sarah H, nightsweats are awful and I really hope the nightmares stop.

And Merry, I just wish I could reach through the computer screen and give you a hug. I'm so sorry and it's awful. I really hope that you are close and that perhaps the doctors can prescribe something to give you the little bit of extra support you might need. Interesting what you say about Freddie. I had a lot of bleeding in early pregnancy with the twins and my mum has always said that perhaps they were 'meant' to miscarry early but clung on as there were two of them? Sad.

Hope I haven't missed anyone out. All the scrolling up and down is making me dizzy. xo

It is very nice to meet you Cath.. congratulations and welcome back to you.
Sarah H- so sorry about the nightsweats and horrible dreams...
Keely keep us posted!
Beth- such good news!
Catherine W- thank you mamma... thinking of you as the next scan approaches
Merry- I am so glad you are getting somewhere. I hope the added prog. supp. will help you.....

Thinking of everyone....

Fertility man said yes - I'm back to peeing on sticks this month as I'll have to do daily ovs and then daily pregnancy tests (so not pressure, snort!) and they did say that the results are variable - but we'll see.

In Freddie's case - I wonder, I do think perhaps he was part of a duo who should not have made it.

I am like you Merry, I try to force myself to believe that there is a reason for all of this. Not a scientific one maybe, but something, somewhere, somehow, someday...this will make sense.

Today is not my due date, but it is the day my little man would have been born. In some ways I am glad to be at this day, and hoping that I can shift from wanting him and missing being pregnant to remembering all the challenges he would have faced if he had made it this far (which was unlikely to begin with). Of course, AF chose today to show up in full force.

Thinking of all of you today and always xoxoxo

Oh Keely. Thinking of you and your little boy today.
I'm sorry that AF has such terrible, terrible timing. How awfully unfair.

((((Keely))))

And AF times itself quite unbelievably. More hugs.

See what you did - you made me type AF! I have sworn never to use that abbreviation ever!

LMAO Merry, you made me laugh and that is not an easy thing today!!!

I've been a little scarce lately because I've been incredibly down emotionally. Clomid didn't work, and I'm awaiting the results of my CD21 progesterone draw, though I know what they'll be.

My chart is whack, it looks more like the jaws of a sea monster than it does anything resembling a useful cycle.

I don't even have it in me to care to keep trying to BD all the time in case my random ovulation decides to fire off.

I need to find something else to focus on, to do with my life but I'm so blue that I can't give a shit about anything, and so I am just muddling forward day by day.

Here's a link to the sea monster if anyone wants to laugh at a terrible chart:
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2b9a15

The missing and discarded temps are from when I was sick earlier this month -- precisely when the Clomid was supposed to make me ovulate. *sigh*

Sorry I haven't been keeping up to respond to anyone individually, though I did see Paula had her baby. Congrats.

I hope everyone else is hanging in there.

Oh and DH is out of town for a week in December for work training which will probably end up being terribly timed, because that's just how I roll, so I'm basically assuming I'm out from trying until after the new year.

Oh and I missed the call from my OB's office while I was working out this afternoon. Saw the voicemail at 5:09pm when they close at 5! hahahaha sigh.

Hi ladies,
I haven't posted for awhile. In part because I didn't TTC this month because J. was away. Also because I am feeling down. Almost two years have passed since my baby was still born and I am still not pregnant!!! Besides, my hair keeps getting thinner and thinner and I keep spotting here and there in the middle of the cycle. The doctors keep saying I am fine, but I can't agree. I wasn't like that before. I feel like a burden to my poor husband. When everything is against you, even your ovulation is delayed. So I think last month I ovulated on CD21 (but FF gives the criss-cross on the 22nd). The latest ever!
On the bright side, I got a little hopeful after talking to my friend yesterday. She had been trying for 5 years. Her husband had poor sperm quality due to varicocele and had done a surgery to remove it. Her FSH is above 24. Her OB told her she had very little chances to get pregnant even doing an IVF and she was quite depressed. They had agreed to try an IUI this month, she had bought all the medication and was just waiting for her period to start taking it. Yes, it never came. She got pregnant on her own! I usually get jealous, but not of other babyloss women or women that suffered infertility. I am truly happy for her. It made me remember that it may happen to me too.

Paula - Congrats! I saw you had your little girl.

Melissa - I know how you feel. I am so sorry. I think you ovulated CD 18.

I am so late with individual responses that I won't even try. I always read your posts and think of you all. Good luck where ever you are on this!

I'm sorry you're feeling down, Francisca. And you too, Melissa. This is a tough fucking road. How I wish none of us had any reason to be here.

I tested this morning and got a BFN. It's still early (CD 19, but I (think I) ovulate early, so about 10 DPO). I had to go back in time, and with my previous pregnancies, I got a positive on CD 23 and CD 21. So I'm not calling myself out yet! I still "feel" pregnant, although I'm fully aware that all of my "symptoms" are pretty innocuous.

My new plan is to test again on Saturday, which would be CD21. Until then: la la la la la.

It's okay M, if you ovulated CD10 you are only 9dpo, I have gotten some positives at 9dpo but they were crazy faint and actually for my living son, I didn't get one till 12 dpo. I've read some articles that say that the earlier you get a positive, the better chance you have and I want to laugh and throw something at their face. So anyway, I am not couting you out either!

Melissa and Francisca....hang in there. I wish there was something I could do or say to make this easier. Like M said, this is a tough fucking road and it really pisses me off that for so many of us the hits just keep on coming. Thinking of you guys xoxoxo

Keeley, really?! do you have any links about that? because that would really reassure me right now....

Hmmm...I can't think of where I read it but I know that I have. But given my experiences, I'm not really sure it's true. It seems to work the opposite in my case anyway........I'll look around, if I find them I will post them! xo

I got my CD21 draw numbers back. .61! haha. No, definitely didn't O on CD18/19.

And my chart is continuing to draw the sea monster.

OB isn't going to hop me up on Provera again yet; but will if I don't O by CD 40-something again.
They want to put me up 100mg CD3-7, even if it means I will O when DH is out because then at least we will know 100mg will work.

Also yesterday I found out that like three more people I know who all already have kids and wouldn't know a pregnancy struggle if it bit them in their asses are pregnant again and yeah.

I need some other meaning in my life.

Oh Melissa. I'm sorry about the sea monster chart and all the pregnancy announcements, it just sucks. I just wish it could be easy for all of us here.

Francisca, I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were getting on. Glad to see you back and that your friend's experience brought you some hope.

M - it's not over 'til it's over. And in the mean time la la la la la is a good policy!

Ha ha B. When I read Keely's post I immediately thought of you!

BFN. Bah!!!

Stupid test. It might still be too early, you never know. I'm not pregnant either and also appear to be having a never-ending period this month, if that makes you feel any better. I doubt it does, but I tried ;)

A valiant effort, Keely! For which I'm grateful. I'm not throwing in the towel yet, though hope is quickly dissipating. My normal cycles are 21-24 days (except for last month: 18 days!), so I'm still at the front end of that, and no signs of my period on the horizon. Course, that could start without warning. And it just seems like it should be positive by now, if it was going to be......To which I say, again, BAH! Clearly I'm not psychic.

Sorry you're having a never-ending period. That truly sucks.

Ohhhh, it's okay. It's the first one after the miscarriage so you gotta figure it's gonna be screwy. It'll stop eventually. I hope.

Hmmmm...clearly I am not psychic either. I guess test again in two days??? Are you using a sensitive test? Cause I know some of the digital ones test positive later than the line ones......