I'm just shy of 22 weeks pregnant - after losing my son last year at 29 weeks to undiagnosed severe IUGR. I'm starting to let myself feel hope, my current pregnancy is going fine, I'm getting lots of monitoring, growth u/s, etc.

My best friend recently asked about whether I wanted a shower - either before or after the baby is born. This would be my Boston shower - I used to live there for 10 years, so I have lots of good friends there still, it's about 3 hours from my home now. I'd like to do it before, I think, because if I wait until after baby is here, it may never happen, because of the travel involved. But before... well, you know, quite emotional, potentially. As I said before, I'm starting to allow myself to hope, to feel positive - and I think I can take a shower (as long as it happens after 29 weeks, of course). But I don't want to do traditional shower things - does anyone have any suggestions on how they handled this situation?

What about something a little more low-key, like a brunch where people bring gifts? That way it's less like a "shower" with games and the like, but it's still a celebration of your new baby. I think that's what I would do :)

WIth my second pregnancy, they canceled the shower after we learned that one of my twins died in utero. After much considerationg, I decided it would be good to still have the shower. I wanted to do a white balloon release for our lost twin and give out candles for the guests to light on the twin's birthday and Will's passing day. My friend decided to cancel the shower when I got a large bag of used clothes from a kind woman. It was not my choice to cancel the shower...and in some ways I still feel somewhat bitter about this issue. Even though I have been so fortunate to have two children...going to baby showers now leaves me upset.

I say embrace the shower. Hope is so, so scary after a loss. But a shower will not 'jinx' your pregnancy. I went to a barbecue 'couples' shower two weeks ago (ugh, I had those ugly jealous feelings though) and it had a nice vibe. The men ended up gathering outside to talk 'man things' while the women did the traditional present opening for a small part of it...but that was the only traditonal thing about it.

I appreciated the beer there very much. VERY much.

With my first pregnancy, I had a very small shower after my son was born due to pre-term labor and his prematurity. Because we already had most of the basic baby things, guests were asked to bring diapers, wipes, bath items or larger sized clothes. It was very practical...though not nearly the 'giddy tiny baby bootie' shower experience.

It is so hard to protect our hearts and still love the babies we carry. I hope you find the balance that works for you.

We were going to have a "Welcome shower" for this one because I'd gotten rid of so many things from my living child that I would need things if he'd come home. In some ways it's been good to not have to go through things - in others, I'm regretting that basically what I have now is four bad pictures from the hospital and a gel mold of his feet, some ashes in an urn, and a piece of paper saying how long he was without even his name - the nurse who ended up being there when I delivered him didn't care, followed f-ing protocol, just wrote "baby boy" and handed me a blue folder with greasy fingerprints on it marked "demise less than 20 weeks." This is a call that ends up falling only on your shoulders, which is unfair but true.