Mass, I want to say " pray for me, well, not me but this child.". But I can't bring myself to ask. This week will be the specialist again, the big u/s and the blood tests and so forth, telling me some kind of news. I keep assuming all the news will be bad. I keep planning how I will bury this child rather than what to do if it lives. I have names but I am afraid to use them. I don't want to get attached since that might not work out. If I was a patient I would probably recommend some counseling but since I know that psych is usually only effective with patient's cooperation, I laugh bitterly at myself and just sit here, awake at ridiculous hours.

Hail Mary, full of grace...ever since the baby died I keep thinking how she was told to carry one to die.

Thinking of you. Much love and strength.

So sorry that this event is fraught with worry and grief, rather than eager anticipation and joy. I'm hoping for nothing but perfect news for you, a healthy remainder of your pregnancy, and a lightening of the weight of the fear.

I am so sorry. I am not pregnant yet, so I can only imagine how you are feeling. But I can relate. I wish you and this child all the best.

Our big ultrasound is this week too, and I keep thinking that as soon as I know what the gender is, I can name the baby so that if the baby dies, I'll have a name for the grave marker. I want to make sure I get attached now, because now might be all there is. There are days when I imagine bringing a baby home, but there are more when I imagine burying another child.

Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry. I know if I ever make it to another big ultrasound, I will be a nervous wreck. I don't really know all of your story but I'm assuming maybe you have had a baby with a birth defect? Anyway, I did and when I hear people talk about ultrasounds now, it just makes me want to throw up. Especially when they are all giddy about finding out the sex. Ugh.

You know it's funny, I think about Mary often, and how she lost a son too. It somehow makes those long nights a little easier, knowing that the loss I have endured (WE have endured) is one that has been endured for centuries.

Good luck this week, I will be thinking of you constantly and hoping for all good news. xoxo

That last sentence is so painful but also very beautiful.

I will be thinking of you and your child this week. I hope that all the news you receive at the scan this week is good.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. The child has died and we will have to deliver as a staged induction starting this weekend. Then about six weeks after that we can do the tubal ligation whether the church thinks it is right or not. I cannot do this again but that is irrelevant since I must.

Oh anonymouse. I am so so so so sorry, and am just in shock and tears for you. I have no idea what to say, but please know you are in my thoughts and my prayers.

I am so, so very sorry, anonymouse. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts tonight.

Anonymouse I am so terribly sorry to read that this baby has died. How agonising for you and your family. I'll be thinking of you over the weekend particularly with the induction immanent. I would offer to pray for you, but I am afraid I am still not on speaking terms with God myself. You will be very much in my thoughts though and I am sending you supportive vibes, for what it's worth.

Not on speaking terms- I think that about describes my feeling, Sophia.

Thank you to all of you for being here to listen to me cry and whine about it when in other parts of my life I have to put what I call my "professional face" and deal with the world while my emotions are locked up.

I'm so, so sorry. There are no words for how awful and unfair it is that you should be going through this.

I am just so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. Much love.

My name is Mike, I'm new to this site and myself and my wife are also new members of the worst most horrible club there is. We've just experienced the stillbirth of our miracle baby on Sept 22nd, she was 39 weeks. I don't have to explain what we are going through. After reading anonymouse's words, I never ever thought I could care for and feel so much for a complete stranger. However I never ever thought I would go through what I am now experiencing. Really, in a way we are not strangers any longer.

anonymouse, you don't need to cry right now, I'm doing it for you.

mike

Mike how awful for you and your wife. I am so sorry to read that your baby has died. What a horrendous experience for you both. I remember those first few weeks as a rollercoaster going from shithouse to appalling and back again over and over. I'll be thinking of you both.

Anonymouse, I'm still thinking of you too. I hope you have excellent care and support. It's just a totally fucked situation isn't it.

Anonymouse, I am so terribly sorry. I just came back to check this thread and I did not expect to read this sad news. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Mike, I am so sorry that you and your wife have had to join us here. Thinking of you both and of your daughter.

anonymouse-- I, too, just checked this thread for the first time in a while and was so shocked to read this awful news. I am just so very sorry for you. No one deserves to go through what you have been through.

And Mike, I am so sorry that your sweet baby is not here with you now. I hope you find comfort here.