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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > IVF #3

IVF #1 Positive......I had my beautiful daughter Anna, and I watched her die in the ER at 5 weeks old. Doctors are not sure why, but it is likely due to prematurity. (She was born at 31 weeks due to severe pre eclampsia.)

!VF #2 Positive.....Miscarriage due to blighted ovum earlier this year. (Found out at 6 week appt. to look for heartbeat.)

IVF #3 Positive.....And my 6 week appt. to look for the heartbeat is Friday the 24th.

I am terrified, because this is where it all went wrong last time, and even if we do see a heartbeat Friday, then I have hundreds of days to go (I hope). I just don't know how I am supposed to do this while holding down a job, and not going insane. I know that you all understand. Please send me good thoughts and peaceful vibes for this upcoming week, and Friday. I think I'm going to have a panic attack while I wait for the doctor to come into the room. Then if we find the heartbeat, I am going to be really scared, because then I'll have something to lose. Good luck to all of you who are TTC or expecting, and strength to those with a new baby at home. I am also thinking of those of you who are struggling with the decision of what to do next.
September 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine
I'm so happy to read your news Christine. But I can only imagine how terrified you must feel. I will be sending all my very best good thoughts and peaceful vibes to you on Friday. I really, really hope that all is well and that you see a lovely little heartbeat. But, yes, I understand that in some ways that will be even more frightening.
You will be in my thoughts over the coming week. xo
September 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine W
Oh Christine - I'm glad #3 worked, but I can understand your apprehension. Please be kind to yourself this week and please remember - no matter what you do, you won't be able to change the outcome of this week, or this pregnancy. Unfortunately we can't control everything.

Sending you peace.

Sarah
September 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah H
Christine, I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you. I know it is frightening. You have been through enough. I just hope everything goes as smooth as possible to make it easier on you. Big hug!
September 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFrancisca
Christine, sending so much love and luck my dear, and big hugs too.
September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermindy